HEAVEN TO PURCHASE
FLASHBACK
Click.
Static covers the screen as a Play ► symbol appears in the bottom right-hand corner.
The Crypt – Recorded Prior to Cyberslam
With a canister of gasoline at his feet on the stairs, Storm has the apparent upperhand in his negotiation with the Cryptkeeper.
But the Cryptkeeper laughs.
“You tell a tale as old as time, the tale of the fool who believed that he could have it all.”
“I don’t want it all,” Storm says. “I just want my kid.”
Cryptkeeper lifts a finger.
“You lie,” he says. “You want to keep your title and your daughter. As you threaten and insult me as though you only want the latter, deep down you know, just as I know, that the only reason you’re here is to try and ensure the former.”
Storm hesitates.
“But you can’t keep both,” Cryptkeeper replies. “If some have their way, you’ll keep neither.”
Luke stares Keeper down as Keeper continues.
“I could have been an ally, Storm. Instead, your selfishness has made me into an enemy. When this is all said and done, and I’ve destroyed you completely, remember it was you who came here. Remember it was you who began your demise.”
Cryptkeeper rushes up the stairs! He scoops Luke up, carries him up the stairs and outside the crypt with forward momentum alone!
SIDEWALK SLAM ONTO THE GRASS!!!
Luke arches his back in pain.
“This is the beginning,” Cryptkeeper says.
Luke coughs, “Of what?”
“Your hell to pay.”
Cut.
THE LONGER GAME
SOMEWHERE ELSE
In the Ǝnigma Headquarters, Edward Newton stands before a roaring fire with the OSW Championship strapped around his waist.
Sigil is stood behind him.
“It has begun,” Sigil says with a low rumbling growl. “I’m beginning to assemble my force for the biggest fight I’ve ever had. I need to be assured that Enigma has my back.”
Newton nods.
“When you joined us, I promised you that I would support your mission to become the master of time,” Newton reminds him. “And when the time comes for you to handle your business, you’ll have Enigma at your disposal to do so.”
The Collector folds his arms.
“And the rest of our agreement?”
Edward turns around, smiling to himself.
“That’s rock solid, Mr. Sigil. I’ve my best investigators on it as we speak,” Newton continues. “They’ll find out who he is before long.”
“Good,” The Collector says with a telling sigh. “He attacked The Skulls last week and left Flavo in a terrible condition. Whoever he is, he must be stopped.”
The Riddler nods, taking a walk to his chair and taking a seat in it. He crosses his leg, tapping fingers on the belt around his waist.
“You have my word,” he notes. “But you must do as you promised.”
“I will. I see you have his Championship around your waist,” Sigil says with a slight level of disgust. “Is that part of your plan?”
Edward grins.
“A small part, I must admit; I think I just enjoy reminiscing of better times to tell you the truth. However, what you and Flavo can show our mutual friend will be of great benefit to both you and I. Let’s not forget that.”
“I understand,” Sigil acknowledges. “And at Grave Consequences, it will be done.”
Cut.
PICKPOCKET VS. BANZAN
FIRST BLOOD MATCH
Blood must be spilled in this one folks, as a thief takes on a mountain in a First Blood match. Its Pickpocket vs Banzan.
The bell rings and Pickpocket immediately charges across the ring and nails Banzan in the chest with a flying forearm! But Banzan doesn’t move! Pickpocket bounces off the ropes! Another flying forearm! Banzan still doesn’t move! Another bounce off the ropes! Another forearm! NO!! SPINNING POWERSLAM BY BANZAN!
Banzan gets to his feet and drops an elbow onto the small of Pickpocket’s back, then transitions into a captain’s hook style crossface! Pickpocket cries out in agony! With his one free arm, he strains and claws and fights but eventually, its no use!! Pickpocket taps, but that cant save him!
THUMB TO THE EYE!!! Banzan lets go and grabs his eye socket! Pickpocket slowly but surely climbs to his feet! MAGA OUT OF NOWHERE!!! NO!!! Pickpocket sidesteps it!!! Banzan’s back up to his feet!! SNATCH AND GRAB BY PICKPOCKET!!! Pickpocket slides out of the ring!! He grabs a steel chair from ringside, and slides in the ring!
Pickpocket approaches Banzan just as the Mountain stumbles to his feet. CHAIR TO THE CRANIUM!!! BUT BANZAN JUST SMILES!!! He SNATCHES the chair away from Pickpocket’s hands! BANG! He hits Pickpocket over the head with the chair! BANG! AGAIN! BANG! AGAIN! Banzan winds up!!! RIGHT ACROSS THE FACE WITH THE CHAIR!!! PICKPOCKET IS BUSTED OPEN!!! BANZAN WINS!!!
The Indestructible Mountain shows he is just that as he forces Pickpocket to bleed first, and thereby grabs the victory!
DEATH WISH
SOMEWHERE ELSE
Tomorrow Morning.
Berkshire Ellison Green walks off an elevator, the Rewind Championship slung over his shoulder. He walks up to his secretary, a beautiful busty blonde, and nods to the telephone in front of her.
“Any messages?”
She looks up from her computer, and nods.
“The usual, Mr. Green. I’ve got meetings on the books for you for all who requested it. There was also a really weird message, sounded like someone was fighting. Fighting or fucking, I guess.”
BEG rolls his eyes.
“I’ve got no time for pranks. Colin is trying to scam Imperium. Newton is still out there. And I’ve got to get rid of this cockroach Red Death.”
The Rewind Champ walks into his high-rise office, slamming open the heavy doors with gusto.
Only to stop in his tracks.
“What the fuck?”
The sight before him is ghastly.
All over the room, there lay men in black. Blood stains his ornate desk and his foreign couches. He rushes over to one of them and picks up their head, trying to confirm his intuition.
“Motherfucker!”
It’s one of the men he sent after Red Death last week.
CLANG!
BEG whirls around with hate in his eyes, but it’s just his secretary, who has turned white at the sight before her. Green shakes his head, looking past the girl to the doors they walked through.
Someone has written on the large oak doors, using the blood of BEG’s associates to paint a message.
A warning.
WHO HAS A DEATH WISH NOW?
BEG’s eyes narrow. He knows who did this.
The man he accused of having a Death Wish.
Red Death.
Cut.
MARK GOULDERN & SIGIL VS. X & THE JUDGE
TAG TEAM MATCH
It is friend meets friend as two members of Imperium find themselves on opposite sides of the ring. The power of The Judge, the Planeswalker added to the fray. Who will come out on top?
The two members of Imperium take to the apron as Sigil squares off against Judge to begin. SIGIL IS FLATTENED WITH A BIG BOOT! He bounces off the canvas and back rolls to his feet again. SIGIL CATCHES JUDGE WITH A RUNNING KNEE STRIKE THAT PUTS HIM INTO THE TURNBUCKLE!
FOR THE COLLECTION! Sigil attacks anything he can find on the cornered Judge, until the Judge powers out of the corner… DOUBLE HANDED CHOKESLAM DRILLS SIGIL! But there was a tag as Judge lifted him. Mark Gouldern tags himself in. He gets in behind The Judge and HITS RUTHLESS INSPIRATION!
The Judge spills forward right into a tag from X! The Lethal Weapon leaps into action. He does not hesitate in going in after his stablemate. CHOP BLOCK TAKES OUT GOULDERN’S KNEE! X hits hard with a series of strikes from his bionic arm but each is blocked by TeleGauntlet.
Gouldern attacks back with a DISRUPTION PUNCH that is parried by X’s arm. Nothing gets past either man! That is until SIGIL BLINDSIDES BOTH MEMBERS OF IMPERIUM, APPEARING OUTTA NOWHERE! FINITE TO X AND GOULDERN IS KNOCKED INTO THE ROPES! The Judge Clotheslines Sigil and they both spill to ringside, only to have Gouldern collapse onto X for the pin. ONE… TWO… THREE!
A strange turn of events has seen one member of Imperium pin the other for the win. Gouldern and Sigil are victorious!
BATTING PRACTICE
SOMEWHERE ELSE
15 empty beers sit slightly crumpled on a splintered dugout bench.
12 mental patients, one in a gleaming metal mask, and a warrior clad in molten-red armor sit next to them.
In front of them, their coach, Sparky McCarthy.
He’s very drunk.
“Listen up, now…” he says, then gulps.
“BATTIN’ PRACTICE,” he bellows abruptly, then grins. “Ain’t nothing like it. Not when you do it how I do it!”
The coach spits.
“I’m puttin’ our ace pitcher on the mound,” he says. “See what Hot Steve’s arm is like under pressure.”
“Helstrom,” one of the inmates deadpans. Helstrom himself is silent. “His name isn’t Hot Steve. It’s Helstrom.”
“It’s a nickname,” McCarthy replies. “Like what you just earned for yourself, Dumbass. Now Big Hoss, Hot Steve… get your asses out there!”
Moments later, Mez stands at the plate, holding the bat above his head. He’s a lefty.
Helstrom stands on the mound.
The rest of the team looks on with eager anticipation.
Sparky McCarthy is making ornate hand signals at Helstrom, but the pitcher barely notices.
Helstrom winds up…
Throws…
It’s a wild pitch! Mez leaps back from the plate and glares at Helstrom.
“Apologies,” says Helstrom.
“Reel it in, Hot Steve!” hollers Coach McCarthy.
“Master McCarthy believes I lack discipline,” Helstrom says to himself, quietly. “Yet it is he who is so drunk he can barely stand. He is… not the man he claims to be.”
“Throw it, pussy!” yells McCarthy, pouding another beer.
Helstrom hurls the ball once more. It comes roaring out of his hand, flying at Mez…
He swings…
He hits!
Mez sends the ball soaring… going, going, gone! A home run!
The dugout explodes with cheers. Without hesitating, McCarthy points at Helstrom.
“Throw him another one!” says the coach. “Big Hoss is unbelievable!”
Helstrom shakes his head, obviously frustrated. But he winds up and unleashes a hellacious fastball. It comes soaring at Mez…
And it’s another wild pitch! The ball careens off Mez’s mask with a loud ping.
Mez stumbles backward. Helstrom looks shocked.
Then Mez comes charging at Helstrom. Dust flies up around him. The madman is absolutely furious!
The two begin to brawl in the middle of the diamond.
Spark McCarthy watches them, smiling. Then he turns to address the rest of the team.
“Batting practice is canceled, ya’ll” he says. “That’s it for today.”
Cut.
LUKE STORM VS. HELSTROM
STEEL CAGE MATCH
It all comes down to this! It’s Luke Storm against Helstrom in a steel cage tonight!
The two trade blows early on, and Helstrom finds the advantage in its favor as the champ starts to waver, giving Helstrom the chance to nail Storm with some heavy elbows. Storm does his best to fight back, showing that resiliency as he lands some hard kicks of his own!
Helstrom pushes the champ away, getting some space…KARMIC DESCENSION! Big punch to the jaw of Storm, before Helstrom drives its knees to the champ’s skull! Storm is absolutely rocked by that as Helstrom follows up with a kick to the gut…UNWORTHY! Helstrom laid the champ out with that Gotch piledriver!
Helstrom focuses its attention to the cage now, sensing the opportunity to put an end to Storm’s reign as champ as it approaches the cage. Helstrom begins its ascent as Storm gets to his feet, running to catch up with The Executioner. Helstrom sees this, launching itself at the champ!
Both competitors are down hard after that desperation crossbody by Helstrom, who is already back up. Helstrom lifts the champ up, realizing it needs to put Storm down for good…BUT STORM CATCHES HELSTROM BY SURPRISE WITH THE DOWNPOUR! Helstrom looks down and out after that nasty Codebreaker from the champ!
Luke Storm looks to the cage, knowing he needs to get this over with to retain the title. He heads to the cage, making his ascent as Helstrom slowly gets to its feet. Helstrom gets to the cage with Storm halfway up, but Storm outclimbs the Executioner and makes it over the top of the cage, dropping to the floor below!
Storm has done it here tonight!
TOYCO
SOMEWHERE ELSE
The walls of the Toybox are something akin to Wiley E. Coyote’s hideout. Wild drawings and diagrams showing all sorts of bizarre creations not yet brought to reality. Each diagram is drawn in crayon, and each design seems innocent enough at first glance.
Seesaw is busy, head over the proverbial drawing board, working on another diagram. Another toy idea that seems innocent enough, but like the others, there is something sinister and creepy about the drawing.
“Hoohoo! And just think, with minds of their own, every little boy and girl could truly have a friend.”
He focuses on the eyes, coloring them red.
“What little boy doesn’t want a friend with laser eyes or a kung-fu grip? With my designs, and Marky’s resources to bring them to life…”
He tosses the paper aside, discarding it like the others. His tone changes, snapping without warning.
“No, no, no! It’s all wrong! Just another failure!”
He stands from the table, turns with a manic smile.
“What I need is more toys like my Kenny Freeman… With cutting edge technology, intelligent toys.”
He runs his hands through the hair of the Kenny Freeman toy.
“The girl escaped, so now I’ll have to find a new toy for Marky to play with. Ooh, I wonder if he’ll let me play with his X?”
SeeSaw runs his hands together in glee.
“This could be the start of something amazing. I just need him to see what I see. Kenny, we need to pay our new Toyco business partner a visit.”
He tends to Freeman, putting in the preparation to his toy so it will be ready to meet his friend.
Cut.
AESOP VS. ALTON WHITLOCK VS. JUNKRAT
VHS CHAMPIONSHIP
It’s a tale as old only wrestling could offer. A poet, a politician, and a penis-waving madman all vying for a piece of gold. Who walks out as VHS Champion?
DING! DING! Aesop and Whitlock charge and begin stomping on Junkrat, looking to get rid of the wild card. Aesop quickly looks for THE SERPENT! Alton quickly drops down to avoid the move when Junkrat flies back into the fray with a tilt-a-whirl DDT! THE CONCUSSION MINE!
Aesop rolls out of the ring before Junkrat could hope for the pin, when the Politician grabs him from behind and lifting him to his feet, quickly looking for Party Politics, but Junkrat proves too smart and stands up right, waving his dick to prove a point and gets met with a backfist to the back of his head.
Aesop quickly lifts a dazed Junkrat up into the air, slamming him down with THE GIFT! Junkrat sees nothing good about this as he lays out on he mat with a boom he didn’t like. Whitlock comes in and picks Aesop up, driving him back down with SNAP ELECTION!
Aesop rolls out of the ring with what little awareness he has left as Alton eyes up Junkrat who is lifting himself up against the ropes. Alton stalks the Aussie Nutjob before hooking his arms and lifting him up into the air.
BETTER WORLD! The vertebreaker does it’s job, dropping Junkrat down on the back of his neck. ONE! TWO! THREE!
The politics played in favour of Alton Whitlock tonight as his campaign led him straight to the VHS Championship!
STILL ON THE LIST
RINGSIDE
After that hard-fought match, all three men are exhausted and taking their time to get out of the ring.
The lights go out!
All the crowd can see is an orange light.
Thud!
The lights are on and it’s X! He’s standing in the middle of the ring and Aesop is knocked out cold! He’s marching towards Junkrat as Whitlock is smirking. Whitlock starts to speak.
“So Junkrat, you want to turn our marvelous stadium into Gary? Why not turn Gary into something as appealing as our grandiose Coliseum?! That’s what a real mayor does.”
X is still marching towards him.
“Gary is great you asshole! It’s got fire and explosions and streets that cops avoid so I can have my fun! Best of all, no one ever went outside anyway so we were the best city for Coronavirus! If it came to my city, it would be shot on the spot. That’s how you handle it.”
“That’s not even how diseases work but speaking of killed on the spot, you’re still on the list, El Pyro. X, do whatever you want.”
X smiles and levels Junkrat with a massive lariat turning him inside out. He mounts and starts wailing on him with massive fists. Marvolo II rushes to the ring!
“Number two, hold on! Marvolo is here to save you!
Whitlock cuts him off with a low blow and X follows with a massive axe handle. They are stomping on Marvolo II for his trouble! A large purple blast hits both of them and they are not moving! Banzan has hit them with the enlightenment of the mountain! He helps Marvolo and Junkrat to their feet.
“You need to get away from where he can execute you. They cannot hurt you at the moment but they’ll try again. I want you two to make it to our match. I’d rather that place look like Gary than exist as it stands. Draw from the wellspring of the mighty mountain and get out of here while you can.”
Marvolo II and Junkrat run off as Banzan tends to Aesop.
Cut.
SEESAW © VS. THE RED DEATH
DOUBLE FEATURE CHAMPIONSHIP
The Crimson Scourge gets his chance at the Double Feature Championship but can he beat Seesaw at his own game here tonight?
The bell rings as the Red Death rushes forward, pummeling Seesaw with furious rights and lefts before a massive knee to the jaw rocks the champion. Death rushes to the ropes, bouncing off with a stiff running boot to the jaw before he double underhook’s Seesaw’s arms, RETURN TO ARKHAM! Seesaw gets spiked into the mat as Death backs up, looking for the end allready.
DARKNESS…Seesaw just rolls away from the curbstomp, nailing Death with a huge spear to the small of the back before lifting him up high and spiking him down into the mat with a Backdrop Driver! Death stumbles up, holding his neck in pain as Seesaw rushes forward once more, SUPERFINE…LEAPING KNEE! Death drills Seesaw with the knee out of nowhere before gripping him around the head as he rushes forward
KILLING JOKE! Seesaw’s temple slams into the buckles with that bulldog as Seesaw looks out on his feet, Death quickly pulling him up onto his shoulders as he tries for that Hush Burning Hammer but Seesaw manages to slip out only to get a stiff superkick to the jaw, sending him crashing to the mat. Death calls for the end, but quickly gets a better idea as he turns to the nearby corner, pulling off the cover as he exposes the steel.
Death pulls Seesaw up, grabbing him by the head as he tries to throw him head first into the exposed steel but Seesaw reverses, tripping Death up before slingshotting him into the metal. Death stumbles out dazed as Seesaw grabs him from behind, locking in a Rear Naked Choke. Death struggles but quickly begins to fade away as the referee calls for the bell
Seesaw retains his Double Feature Championship here, using Death’s endless rage to his advantage in his victory here tonight.
DEEP THROAT?
FLASHFORWARD
Flash Forward.
After the show.
We the viewers find ourselves in what looks to be a parking deck, only moonlight illuminating it. Then, out of the darkness, we see two lights from pipes entering the parking deck, illuminating the way a bit. And then…
Bubbles?
“Pocket, you need to learn to smoke a real pipe. It’s fuckin’ embarrassing lad.”
The bubbles are revealed to, of course, be coming from Pickpocket and a bubble blowing pipe. On his shoulder? BJ with a real one enjoying himself. Pickpocket pulls the pipe from his mouth and frowns.
“Hey, I’m learning! At least I didn’t suck the soap into my mouth this time.”
“You’re lucky you ain’t been killed yet.”
“By you or someone else?”
“Yes.”
The loud sound of someone clearing there throat gets the attention of the unlikely duo who turn to it, a man in the shadows, his voice shrouded by a voice changer as he speaks.
“Hello, you two. Allow me to introduce myself, I am the Informant. Someone akin to Deep Throat if you will.”
At this introduction Pickpocket chuckles.
“Hehe, throat.”
Scrimshaw shoots Pickpocket an almost confused, if not disappointed, glance before turning back to the Informant.
“So, you sent me the bottle, eh?”
“I did. I have a… proposition for you… and I suppose your friend now too. I have something I need you to obtain, on an island laboratory. Do you think you’re up to raid it?”
Scrimshaw looks at him curiously, scratching his beard.
“You want it quiet?”
“Preferably.”
“And the pay?”
“Handsome.”
Pickpocket finally speaks up, having been less listening and more playing with BJ.
“Oh! I can do this! Quiet is my specialty!”
This, of course, echoed through the parking deck like an awkward fart in an elevator. The Informant, whose face is still obscured by darkness, we can FEEL grimacing at Pickpocket.
“Is he part of the package?”
“Unfortunately.”
A briefcase slides from the darkness to Scrimshaw’s feet.
“All the info you need will be in there. Contact me for further orders.”
And with that, Scrimshaw leaves with Pickpocket in tow, the plucky upstart blowing bubbles as he’s ushered out.
BERKSHIRE ELISON GREEN © VS. SCRIMSHAW
REWIND CHAMPIONSHIP
Wealth goes up against true experience in this championship match tonight. Can Scrimshaw win his first championship or will BEG retain his Rewind gold?
The bell sounds as Scrimshaw rushes forward, taking BEG by surprise with a rocking right hand before spinning him to the mat with a quick Snap Suplex. BEG gets to his feet, just dodging out of the way of a running knee before snapping Scrimshaw down with a Suplex of his own. The Sea Dog scrambles up right into BEG’s clutches.
AS HE TRIES TO LOCK IN THE MILLION DOLLAR DREAM! BEG can’t get the hold locked on properly as a stiff headbutt staggers him backwards before Scrimshaw dashes him into the rocks with a huge spinebuster! Scrimshaw rolls through for the pin, ONE…TWO…BEG just gets the shoulder up!
Scrimshaw pulls BEG up into a headlock but can’t take him over before a series of elbows to the sternum break the hold. A stiff swinging neckbreaker puts Scrimshaw down on the mat but an attempt at the Financial Crisis is rolled through into a Small Package!
ONE…TWO…THR…BEG JUST GETS THE SHOULDER UP! The champion gets to his feet right into a stiff headbutt before he’s spun around and DRAGGED TO THE DEPTHS! Scrimshaw doesn’t go for the pin, rolling through into the headlock, CAPTAIN’S…FINANCIAL CRISIS! BEG just countered into the crossface out of nowhere, fully hooking the hold in as Scrimshaw is forced to tap out!
BEG retains the Rewind Championship, showing his mastery of the crossface here tonight.
PERSPECTIVE
SOMEWHERE ELSE
In the dark depths of Sigil’s citadel, everything is quiet.
A pinprick of light appears among one of the rows, then expands into an oval.
Through which steps The Judge, his mighty axe clutched tightly.
With no hesitation, he strides through down the row of items until he finds exactly what he seeks.
A humble, primitive altar carved of obsidian.
He stops immediately when he sees it. Then kneels before it and closes his eyes.
For a brief moment, The Judge remains there, as if he’s praying or reflecting.
It is Sigil’s voice that causes him to open his eyes and leap to his feet.
“The Altar of Perspective?” The Collector asks mockingly.
“You know not what you have.”
“I know exactly what it is,” Sigil replies. “A so-called sacred object belonging to an ancient and all-but-extinct order of fools.”
“It’s holy, you naive hoarder of trinkets,” The Judge says. “A tool for better understanding the nature of things, so that those who serve my cause may better judge them. It was stolen from the court of my predecessors long ago. I’ve come to return it home.”
“You have?” asks Sigil. “I have not given you permission to remove that rock from my citadel.”
“I need no authorization from a thief,” The Judge growls.
“A thief?” asks Sigil. “I’m not the one that stole it. I found that ugly chunk of stone on a planet that was little more than a trash heap.”
The Judge takes a menacing step forward.
“Mind your tongue,” he says. “It belongs in the Court of Alignment. I will take it.”
“This is not a library, you old fool,” Sigil says.
The Judge lunges forward with his axe at Sigil, but The Collector takes a nimble step to the side.
“Nor is this your court,” says Sigil. “And I’m more of an executioner than a judge.”
Sigil extends both of his arms…
And nothing happens?
The Judge raises his axe.
Then, there’s a rumbling. It gets louder and louder.
The Judge swings furiously, but Sigil makes another dodge.
Then they appear.
Twenty stone golems, each three times as tall as The Judge, coming barreling down the row.
“Attack mode activated,” Sigil says, nearly laughing.
“This is not over!” The Judge bellows.
He reaches behind him and opens a portal–then disappears through it, just as the army of golems arrive.
Cut.
EDWARD NEWTON VS. THE CRYPTKEEPER
THE MAIN EVENT
It’s a clash of two men with reputations all their own, as The Cryptkeeper takes on Edward Newton!
The Cryptkeeper charges at Newton, laying into the Riddler with some hard lefts and rights. The flurry of offense sends Newton back into the corner, allowing the Storyteller to take a wide swing at his head…but Newton dodges in the nick of time, catching Cryptkeeper by surprise with a kick to the midsection!
Newton stomps away at the Cursed, trying to bring him down a peg or two, and Cryptkeeper eventually drops to the bottom turnbuckle before Newton backs off…only to charge right back at him, connecting with a dropkick to the head! Newton looks pleased at the result, a smirk on his face as he starts taunting the Keeper…a move that Newton soon regrets, as he’s met with a hard right hand by the Cryptkeeper!
Netwon is sent reeling back from this as the Storyteller gets back to his feet, unloading on the Enigma with another flurry of offense that sends Newton out of the ring! Not content to let the Mastermind weasel his way out of a fight, Cryptkeeper leaves the ring to continue the attack…but Newton sends Cryptkeeper flying into the steel steps with a thud!
Newton can’t help but cackle with delight as he kicks the Cryptkeeper while he’s down, stomping away until the Storyteller is able to shove him away and get back to his feet. The two trade blows, and Cryptkeeper eventually manages to send Newton back into the ring before following close behind. With both men back in the ring, Cryptkeeper continues the attack with an eye rake followed by an Irish whip…A BEGINNING, MIDDLE, AND END!
Newton goes down hard after that big boot from the Keeper, who is feeling the momentum in his favor as he goes to work on the head of the Mastermind, raining down some hard lefts and rights. Cryptkeeper picks Newton back up, sending him into the corner. Cryptkeeper charges full speed…BUT NEWTON DODGES, SENDING THE CURSED SHOULDER FIRST INTO THE POST!
Cryptkeeper is rocked as Newton climbs to the top, looking for the Nevermind to put this match away…but Cryptkeeper manages to knock a foot off the rope, sending the Enigma crotchfirst onto the top turnbuckle! Newton’s in immense pain as Cryptkeeper sets him up in a tree of woe, stepping back far enough to charge at the Riddler!
TALE OF WOE! NEWTON IS OUT OF IT AFTER THAT HIGH RUNNING BASEBALL SLIDE!
Newton drops to the canvas, the force of that move loosening him from his entrapment on the turnbuckle. Cryptkeeper picks his opponent up, only to drop him back down on his head with a slow spike piledriver! BUMPED HIS HEAD! That’s gotta be it, as Cryptkeeper goes for the cover!
ONE!
TWO!
NO! NEWTON KICKS OUT!
Cryptkeeper can’t believe it, as he lifts Newton again looking for the same move to be effective the second time around…but Newton counters, sending the Cursed over with a BIIIIIG BACK BODY DROP! Newton’s looking alive again as he goes to work on the Keeper’s legs with a swift kick to the groin.
THE RIDDLE BOX! NEWTON’S GOT THAT LION TAMER CINCHED IN TIGHT, AND CRYPTKEEPER IS SCRAMBLING TO GET OUT OF IT!
Cryptkeeper inches toward the ropes, eventually using the bottom rope for leverage as he looks to free himself from that dangerous submission hold. Newton lets go of the legs, but only so he can grab Cryptkeeper and connect a back suplex that drops the Cursed down hard!
Newton’s feeling great as he picks Cryptkeeper back up, throwing some hard punches on the dazed Storyteller. With each punch, Cryptkeeper looks more and more out of it until Newton lifts him onto his shoulders, looking for that Death Valley Driver…CRYPTKEEPER GETS OUT, LOCKING IN A BEAR HUG! HE’S GOT A BEDTIME STORY FOR NEWTON!
The Riddler is fading as the ref checks on him…but manages to cup the ears of the Cursed, breaking the hold! Newton’s got the Storyteller back up on his shoulders again! THE ENIGMA THEOREM! That’s all she wrote as Newton goes for the cover!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
The ref raises the arm of Edward Newton in victory, after a big win over The Cryptkeeper here tonight!
HELL TO PAY
RINGSIDE
The match is over, and THUNDER ROLLS OVER THE P.A. SYSTEM!
It’s Luke Storm! He charges out of the back!
Edward Newton immediately rolls out of the ring and hauls ass through the crowd, OSW World Title in hand!
But The Cryptkeeper stands tall in the center of the ring, beckoning Storm to charge in!
And that’s exactly what Luke does! LIGHTNING STRIKE!
NO!
Keeper ducks!
CURSE OF THE CRYPTKEEPER!!! GOD DAMN, THE RIGHTFUL CHAMPION’S LIGHTS JUST WENT OUT!
Storm hits the mat.
Cryptkeeper relishes in what has occurred. He mounts Luke Storm and begins beating the living shit out of him! Left fist after right fist after left fist after right fist!!
Storm’s face is a bloody mess!!!
And Keeper is still beating him!!!
Good God, Storm’s going to be nothing more than a bloody pulp after this!!!
Keeper finally finishes beating Storm and climbs up off of him.
The crowd rains on him with jeers as he steps out of the ring.
But a wry smile spreads across the Keeper’s face.
He reaches under the ring apron…
And reveals that red canister of gasoline that Storm had brought into his crypt.
The fans boo furiously now, out of fear and hope for Luke, who remains motionless in the ring!
Cryptkeeper climbs back into the middle of the ring…
HE DUMPS GASOLINE ALL OVER LUKE STORM’S BODY!
“I told you Luke,” Keeper says as he finishes dousing Storm in gasoline.
“I told you this was only the beginning of your Hell to pay.”
Keeper drops the gasoline can on Storm’s body.
HE PULLS OUT A METAL LIGHTER AND STRIKES IT!
Cut.