Pipe down, meddlesome little miscreants, class is in session.

I carry the unfortunate burden of educating you in what is acceptable society. In most of your cases, that burden is particularly heavy. Citizenship is the act of contributing positively and responsibly to society, this is a foundational concept. Yet judging by what stands before me, it is one many of you never learned.

Life grants us opportunities. Whether we use those opportunities to improve ourselves or squander them remaining selfish little no-hopers is, regrettably, a matter of personal choice.

Sociology concerns itself with human society and behaviour. By extension, citizenship defines the role we play within that society. Those who contribute positively, remain informed and work toward improvement are regarded as functional human beings. Many of you, for various reasons, are not.

The irony is that the weakened moral fibres of society itself creates the conditions that breed pathetic little delinquents such as yourselves. This has led to the crisis we now endure.

You miscreants are merely products of that failure.

When such moral fibre erodes, deviancy flourishes. The careless blending of pleasure, pain, and power while ignoring social limits is negligent. Much like baking without a recipe and being shocked when the result is inedible. When individuals like Glitter ignore society’s balance, they produce a bad batch. Too much baking soda ruins the cookies. And you are, frankly, an inedible batch fit only for a rubbish receptacle.

What you lack, as Mister Idolo observed, is restraint. But you are hardly alone.

For decades, academia has documented the dangers of excessive screen time. Neuroscience details the harm caused by excessive dopamine, while Sociology examines the social decay of gaming obsession. When a virtual world replaces reality, society has failed its children. Someone failed you, Pixelshift. They never imposed limits or moderation, and you fell to gaming addiction like so many other young cretins.

Whether it is too late for you to contribute meaningfully to society remains to be seen. Clearly though, it begins with finding the off-switch.

And speaking of parental failures, sometimes children are dealt a harsh hand. Abandonment corrodes society by denying young people the love and structure necessary to thrive. Lost Boy, your story is unfortunate, but not surprising. You are the result of a weakened social fabric your parents unravelled.

Still, delinquency is not destiny. That is the value of learning Sociology’s harsher lessons.

No matter the circumstances, life remains what you make of it. Even those burdened with the worst parents society can offer may succeed through discipline and effort.

Unfortunately, like so many others, the three of you chose the easy road. What you’ve made of yourselves is a joke. Instead of becoming productive citizens, you’ve clung to selfish societal irrelevance.

I intend to correct that. Such behaviour must be punished, for your own good. At Slam, you will attend my lesson: Sociology 101. More commonly known as Detention.

It is my responsibility to make you acceptable citizens, even if I must do so by force. A duty I accept gladly.

Consider this your detention slip.

I will see you after class.