“Brothers and sisters” 

“I welcome you all to this here congregation…” 

“Saints, sinners… I do not discriminate!” 

“For my brethren, I am Jedidiah Blackheart.” 

“Your reverend—“  

“Your arbiter of righteousness-uhh” 

“The right hand of the lawd, and judge of aaaaallll sinful deeds.” 

“And let me tell you that this world we reside in is swimming in sin!”  

“We have-uhh those who live a life of sexual depravity, and they sickeningly spread that sin through the water like an octopus’ black ink.  

“Holy divers, betting it all on black, and when they lose it all from worshipping their false idols of the Vatican, they find themselves in too deep and without a life jacket.” 

“We have-uhh demons who like parasitic lampreys consume souls which were never meant for them.” 

“Then we have-uhh false prophets, presiding over our pool of sinners and casting judgment like a fisherman cast their net upon the school of fish frantically swimming in circles beneath him.” 

“They’ve all lost their ways; For they are merely fish in the sea, swimming aimlessly, in need of a purpose…” 

“And to that I say: look up, follow the light which I cast down to you, oh brothers and sisters!  For like John, I must be a fisher of men!” 

“Mathew chapter four verse nineteen spoke to me, “Follow me, and I shall make you a fisher of men.” 

“So follow me back to our boat, where I shall clear the ink from their eyes, I will be their life jacket to save their immortal soul-ah, I will salt the lampreys leachin’ their very essence, and I will free them all from the nets which trap them.” 

“No one shall be able to taint me with their sexual depravity and debauchery!”  

“No amount of technocratic mumbo-jumbo and tomfoolery shall make me bow at the false idols that are presented before me.” 

“I will suffer no demon for the path I walk is that of the righteous exorcist upon this Earth, and I shall cast you into the hell fires from which you came!” 

“And I will clip the tongues of those false prophets and cult leaders so that the world so their words fall upon deaf ears!”     

“And I shall captain you all through this ocean of sin and vice!”   

“As we wade into these troubled waters at this time of turmoil and strife, there’s only one way to survive this sea of sin!” 

“Follow me…” 

“Because I give you not just my word but his word that at Wrestle Heroes we will not falter, we shall plow through the wake.” 

“And those who are not prepared-uhh to wash themselves of that sin, prepared-uhh to renounce their sinful ways, they will drown in the wash of sin that pulls them down…” 

“And they will burn in a sea of their own hell fire-ah for all eternity, screamin’-ah forgiveness!” 

“Follow me, brothers and sisters, for I am the captain of your ship, and I will show you a glimpse of the wonders of my world—”  

“All from the palm of my hand.”