Hey, MEATBAGS!

Just finished washin’ that fuckin’ LUBE off. If Shitter wanted a little BDSM, all they had to do was ASK!

It’d be my PLEASURE to inflict more PAIN on that VAJAZZLED FREAK!

Knuckle crack

The rest o’ you SHITBURGERS are welcome to try. This HARDCORE TITLE is stayin’ round my SLENDER, SEXY WAIST!

Triumphant (horny!?) roar

Just like we’re gonna RETURN the WORLD TITLE to the CLEVER WAIST of DR. Q!

Booming laughter

OUR brainiac has OUTSMARTED your brainiac at every turn! Me & Sinister have OUT-MUSCLED and OUT-GUNNED your PUNY, UNARMED ASSES every step o’ the way!

When that WALKIN’, TALKIN’ PROZAC, SICKY ROBBINS, and that QUARTER-STEALIN’, ARCADE SLUT, PRITT-STICK, think they can RIG THE GAME, we knock down your DOMINOES like a HOUSE OF CARDS – CHECKMATE, CUNTS!

Smug hmph

War Machine almost SPLATTERED that FUCKIN’ SMILEY-FACE EMOJI BASTARD… But that UNOPTIMISED DIXEL-SHAFT ruined it!

Growl

You think you’re FUNNY or SMART!? Remember: the other luchadors were too SCARED to join your RESISTANCE. Your boy, ISAAC NEWTON, brought our HEAT-SEAKIN’ ATTENTION your way by STEALIN’ DR. Q’s BELT! He was gonna let Sicky DROWN just to KEEP it.

Ya chose the LOSIN’ SIDE, boys!

Sarcastic applause

But I guess losin’ ain’t necessarily BAD, right? Maybe it’s a GOOD thing!

Scoff

Know what GRATES my fuckin’ FORESKIN!?

HAPPY PEOPLE!

Don’t get me wrong: nothin’ wrong with a smile or a laugh. Nobody likes a joke more than ME!

Forced laugh

But these 24/7, ALWAYS-LOOK-ON-THE-BRIGHT-SIDE, SILVER-LININ’ MOTHERFUCKERS PISS ME OOOFFFFFFF!

Rage-filled scream

You got DOOMSDAY PREACHERS in your present, but 40,000AD has COPIUM PREACHERS!

BRAYIN’ DONKEYS with STUPID GRINS on their DUMBASS FACES, tryin’ to convince everyone IT AIN’T SO BAD!

Fist punching palm

I know what you’re thinkin’: Mars is a MANLY MAN, I bet he doesn’t get sad!

Sigh

I LIVE IN A NUCLEAR FUCKIN’ APOCALYPSE, YOU CHUCKLEFUCK. OF COURSE I GET FUCKIN’ SAD!

Hyperventilating

Look – you wanna bury your head in the SAND, Sicky? Go right ahead. Deny your MORTALITY. Ignore the FUTILITY of EXISTENCE. Keep dreamin’ about SPARKLY FUCKIN’ UNICORNS!

But don’t you DARE bring your GOOD VIBES to my PITY PARTY!

I WAS HAPPY WALLOWIN’ IN ANGUISH, LAMENTIN’ THE FATE OF HUMANITY, UNTIL YOUR GOODY-TWO-SHOES CAME TAPDANCIN’ IN, ALL, LA-DEE-DAH, LOOK AT ME – I’M SOOO HAPPYYY!

Puke

You think your SHIT don’t STINK! You PRETEND you got the ANSWERS, tellin’ people how to FEEL, like the EMOTION POLICE! Actin’ like you’re on some HIGHER PLANE…

You’re not ENLIGHTENED – you’re a FRAUD!

I may have VIOLENT OUTBURSTS, but between the two of us, YOU’RE the EMOTIONALLY STUNTED PHLEGM-WAD!

By RUNNIN’ AWAY from your FEELINGS, treatin’ SADNESS like a DISEASE, you’ve CRIPPLED YOURSELF and will NEVER REALISE YOUR POTENTIAL!

Instead of SPREADIN’ your POSITIVITY like a SEROTONIN PROSTITUTE, TAP INTO that SADNESS and COMPLETE YOUR SENSE OF SELF…

Right before I BREAK YOUR FUCKIN’ TEETH and RUIN THAT SMILE of yours – BECAUSE I’m SAD and ANGRY!

SICKY ROBBINS…

LICK-MY-SLIT…

ISAAC NEWTON…

February 23rd, at Turbo Violence, THIS… IS… WAAAARRRRRRR…

GAAAAAMMMMMMMEEEESSS!

Bloodlust ROAR!

…

And what the FUCK is with that CHICKEN!?