I never choose to rest when there’s chaos in the cosmos.

There were times where I could have, yet I chose to remain vigilant regardless.

Instead of taking a day off, I use that time to patrol the galaxies for evil doers.

Instead of hitting snooze on my alarm, I use that extra hour to polish my blaster and armor.

Instead of drinking mojitos and sunbathing, I exercise my body and mind with strenuous physical and mental training.

Any time spent relaxing is a chance for the forces of evil to take advantage of the situation.

That was the very first lesson I was taught back at boot camp.

One that a certain Private Coaster didn’t seem to understand, even when it was shouted at him.

This was a man that was lazy, arrogant, and only wanted to join the Fleet for status and military benefits.

He never buttoned up his uniform or made his bed.

He never took part in drills, instead choosing to sneak off to the cafeteria for a quick drink.

And despite his lack of discipline, he still expected to be called up to the Universal Fleet.

The whole squadron, myself included, didn’t like his attitude and how he’d get everyone in trouble for sneaking out of daily training.

We’d avoid whatever table he was sitting at during lunch.

We wouldn’t interact with him when we had time for ourselves.

And when everyone but him became a soldier for the Universal Fleet, no one raised their voice to say he should join us.

If I had to guess what former Private Coaster was doing now, I’d say he’d be drinking his life away, much like my opponent this coming Slam was content on doing.

Private Tropico, you remind me a lot of that man. Not just in terms of being lazy and having a care free demeanor, but your reason for being here, too.

You’re a lazy, arrogant man that only returned to the ring in order to fund your constant drinking and vacationing.

I’m spending my time wisely, training for a match that I need to win for Benny’s sake.

Meanwhile, you find the thought ‘boring’ and would much rather be wasting your time at the bar, drinking your problems away.

I’m aiming to prove to myself and the rest of the locker room that I deserve to be here by soundly defeating you in hand to hand combat.

Yet you’re too busy looking at the mirror, shirt unbuttoned and a margarita in hand, telling yourself that you’re ‘cool’.

I’m fighting to show my junior cadet that I am the hero that protected him from his abusive father.

All the while you’re just waiting for a paycheck.

You’re not prepared to step into the ring with me, Private Tropico.

When you come face to face with me on the first ever Slam, there will be an uppercut and a powerbomb that’ll hit harder than any hangover you’ve ever had.

Bottom’s up, Tropico. Set match to victory.

Here’s to Benny!