In the most prestigious of educational institutions, of which I am accustomed to instructing within, excellence is but a minimum requirement. Mediocrity, in my book, is not something that is tolerated; it is not even admitted.

I hail from academies so selective that most here wouldn’t make it past the entrance gate, let alone handle the curriculum. One cannot simply expect to walk in off the street and be crowned with a seat at the proverbial table. Greatness is coveted by the masses and earned by the few.

So how do we determine the wheat from the chaff, so to speak?

With a little assessment we call the entrance examination.

A trial to test the mind, the endurance and the will of those who seek to be the best and brightest. Much akin to those elite institutions, I have come to administer an examination at Wrestle Heroes.

What a charming title. Heroes. A word thrown about like poorly run schools toss out gold stars and participation trophies. A word that fills a simpleton’s mind with false hope, when the reality is that one could swing a cat around in Molvania and not find two brain cells to stitch together.

Marvolo is scraping the bottom of the barrel with these admissions, and one thing is abundantly clear from reading through their transcripts.

I’m surrounded by cretins.

Moronic reapers riding motorcycles, destined to be next week’s organ donors. Motivational speakers and propaganda peddling pillocks that pander to the masses, feeding them whatever mind-numbing nonsense they can to make them believe in miracles.

Dr. Eric Vinelle who seems to have obtained his doctorate at the bottom of a cereal packet. Mayhaps if all the brightest scientific minds are telling you that you’re bonkers, you should listen.

Perhaps most depressing of all is knowing the fact that stupidity still reigns supreme in Molvania’s future, if the blithering oaf Warlord Mars is anything to go by.

This is the best and brightest?

A modicum of madmen and muppets?

Pirates who still think they’re sailing the seven seas, and a Lost Boy who can’t work out why his parents never found him?

I look at them all and see the same thing I’ve seen my entire career. Students who skipped the fundamentals and never learned the lesson. Loudmouths with terrible handwriting and empty essays.

This examination will test each and every one of them until one last man is standing. Which means no excuses, no re-spawns and no appeals to popularity. There is no curve. There is no extra credit.

Those that have not studied hard enough will fail.

I don’t panic under pressure, I apply it. I don’t rely on momentum, I rely on standards. When that ring empties out and one by one they fail to impress… I will still be standing.

Take notes if you’re capable because when it’s over, one name will remain. Then, everyone will finally understand the lesson they were never prepared to learn.

I am not here to entertain you.

I am here to expel everyone else.

Let the examination commence.