It isn’t slowing down, so he decides to step inside.
There’s a sound of a bell as the door swings open, alerting the shopkeeper of his presence. He shakes off his newspaper and tosses it into a nearby trash can before running a hand through his hair.
“I’ll be with you in a minute sir,” a noble voice calls out from the back.
“Take your time, I’m just browsing,” our rain escapee replies.
He walks down the nearest aisle, picking up hand crafted toys of various different varieties. They’re all beautifully made and reasonably priced.
The man looks impressed. He only came in to escape the rain but there’s something special within.
Turning to approach the counter with a handmade doll in hand, he stops in shock.
His steely eyes meet that of the toymaker himself.
Mister Andy.
To be continued…
“Everything on the surface is not only priceless, even a percentage of its resources would turn your own world into a utopia.”
“Would you be wrong to invade? If you were to wage war on that world you could take those jewels, those trophies, and use it for the better. To the people of your own planet, you would be a hero.”
“And to those of the planet you so wrongfully raided, you would be seen forever as the most vile of warlords.”
“You rush forward knowing the consequences of your actions, a hostile takeover in your grasp as you tear through men, women, and children.”
“Blood will stain your hands, and your crimson footprints will forever leave your mark on the planet as you reap the rewards of your plunder.”
“When the dust settles, when the corpses of the inhabitants lay at your feet, are you a hero doing his best for your world?”
“Or are you a villain who destroyed a planet for your own personal gain?”
“This sounds terrifying when I say it out loud, doesn’t it? What man could live with himself after giving everything, killing without care, all for a bit of gold?”
“The world before me, OSW, is rife with the greediest, most vile savages that the universe has ever known.”
“You’re just like any other planet I have liberated from its own inhabitants. You have profit obsessed mongrels, and irredeemable lords sitting on thrones of the damned.”
“But none are as fallible as those who claim to protect all that is right and just on your planet.”
“For even they fall to the very same greed that constructed the monsters among your ranks.”
“Luke Storm stood tall with that gold clinging to his waist and fought, from your perspective, valiantly to keep it out of the hands of evil.”
“Whenever a new monster entered the slaughterhouse walls, from the demonic Sandman to the realm walking Sigil, he fought tooth and nail for what was his, what was OSW’s.”
“Even fighting his own brother when the time came.”
“And in that fighting, that pointless brawling over the gold and gems, his dear brother lost his life, and Luke Storm? He had nothing to show for it.”
“No belt, no gold, nothing.”
“OSW is a planet I need to liberate from itself. The trophies you covet so greatly shall be the demise of not only you, but your world as you know it.”
“All of your heroes shall fall by my hand for the good of your denizens.”
“And though you will view me as a villain for what I do. The bones I break and the viscera I spill.”
“On my planet I will be the hero who returns.”
“And you will be the villains who perished.”
“All for a little gold.”
‘Magical Miles’, as the cardboard sign clearly states.
“Ladies and Gentlemen, roll right on up and be amazed!” He yells, waving his wand and dropping it in the process.
Suddenly, a scraggily looking fellow approaches, watching with disgust.
“You sir,” Miles says pointing at him. “Would you like to see some magic?”
The man doesn’t say anything. He just folds his arms.
That’s when another man approaches – this one much larger and much more muscular. He’s wearing an Hawaiian shirt and obnoxious glasses.
Victor Carfano.
“What the hell is this?” Victor growls.
“My name is Magical Miles and today, I’m going to shock and amazing you, sir. Watch in awe as I pull something very special from my hat.”
He takes his hat off his head and waves his wand over it.
Yet nothing happens.
Miles looks inside, his face immediately turning white.
“Oh no, where’s he gone?” He panics. “Dave?” He yells. “DAVE!?”
As The Magician panics, Carfano can’t help but laugh.
“It isn’t funny!” Miles groans. “I’ve lost my rabbit. Dave? Where the heck are you!?”
Suddenly, the scraggily looking fellow attacks, running straight into Miles with a massive Clothesline. The young man hits the deck, his wand flying one way and his hat another.
“Rune despises your fucking magic!” The man, presumably Rune, yells as he swings with vicious right hands.
Carfano walks over, grabbing the much smaller rune by the waistband of his trousers and lifting him off.
“CHUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNK!”
A bellowing yell rapturously echoes throughout the backstage as a fat ginger man runs towards Carfano like a fucking freight train.
Only Victor sidesteps, watching as the fatty tumbles over his own feet and flies off in the same direction as Miles.
He puts Rune down, still laughing.
Just then, a figure spins Carfano around…
It’s ULTIMO AMERICA!
He slaps Carfano as hard as he can, barely dislodging his glasses from his face. That changes things.
Victor takes off his glasses and puts them in his pocket, his brows furrowed with rage.
He reaches out, his hand covering the masked face of Ultimo and pushes him backwards.
Ultimo tumbles over Chunk, falling on his ass too.
Victor – clearly in the wrong place at the wrong time, turns to see that Rune has vanished and that he’s now alone.
That’s when Sherman Dewey runs at him with his cardboard sword, bouncing into him as quickly and terribly as you’d expect.
He falls over in a heap, slamming back onto the floor and smacking his head.
Victor Carfano grimaces, growls and slowly walks away, shaking his head and leaving carnage in his wake
All four of them, Miles, Sherman, Ultimo and Chunk begin stirring back to their feet.
“Did they at least like the show?” Ultimo asks, straightening himself out.
“What happened to your wabbit?” Chunk enquires. “Did he wun off?”
Miles grabs his wand and his hat.
“I have no idea,” he admits. “I’m just glad my forever friends were here to help me or that could’ve turned out a lot worse.”
Sherman grins.
“Forever friends forever,” he yells.
Everyone looks at him.
“Dude, that’s so cool,” Ultimo says with big thumbs up.
The camera swivels away to see Dave staring at us, ominiously.
Cut.
Who will be a Wrestle Hero?
The house lights slowly dim, synced to the sound of a THX surround sound test causing the jam packed audience to erupt. The sounds of “Head Like A Hole” by Nine Inch Nails blares on the arena’s sound system as gold lasers wander around the arena. A strobe light flickers at the top of the entrance way while the entrance begins to fog up.
Bow down before the one you serve
You’re going to get what you deserve
Bow down before the one you serve
You’re going to get what you deserve
Cody Williams emerges from the entrance curtain… the hood of his high-fashion, swarovski crystal covered, spiked leather jacket draping the top of his head. He pauses at the top of the ramp, tips his designer sunglasses down and points out to the crowd. He quickly removes his hood, extending his arms out to his sides, slowly turning his back to the ring as the crowd greets him with a chorus of boos.
He hops onto the ring apron onto his knee and surveys the crowd before climbing inside. He rushes to the nearest corner and stands on the second turnbuckle leaning over, repeatedly pounding his chest and raising his arms in the air. He hops off and cockily struts to the middle of the ring, where he removes his jacket onto the ring announcer.
‘Born in the USA’ hits and out from behind the curtain stumbles Ultimo America. He immediately rectifies his positioning to offer the traditional hands on hips pose before making his way to the ring. He slides inside, clipping the bottom rope on the way in and then clumsily heads to the middle turnbuckle to place his hand on his head as if he’s looking out into the crowd.
The lights in the Slaughterhouse dim as the opening chords of Statue of a King play over the arena. The crowd looks to the empty entrance before smoke rolls out and a platform rises from the ground revealing Darklord himself.
The ruler of Carthus cracks his neck and walks down to the ring, ignoring the crowd as gets to ring side before, in a show of athletics, leaping from outside the ring and over the ropes.
He walks to his corner stands ready to fight.
Everyone is a little standoffish.
And when you consider the size of the monster that is Darklord, you understand why.
As the bell sounds, Darklord immediately grabs Ultimo America by the mask and head, tossing him to one side like a ragdoll.
Sigil runs at him, only to fall immediately to a Big Boot.
CXDY wisely backs away, watching as Pyre storms in next.
KNEEL!
SPARTA KICK TO PYRE!
She tumbles to the canvas and Sweet Alice comes launching off the top rope, only to be caught in mid-air and TOSSED ASIDE INTO FUCKING VOYNICH, TAKING THEM BOTH OUT!
Everyone is being laid waste to by this absolute fucking behemoth.
Bishop attacks next from the front whilst CXDY joins him, both men striking hard and fast with left and right hands. Each shot seemingly bounces off this utter Monster who slaps a hand around the throat of Williams.
Then another around the throat of Bishop.
WARLORDS HAND!
CHOKESLAM!
DOUBLE CHOKESLAM!
He’s fucking immense.
That’s when it happens.
Monster versus Monster.
Darklord turns around and finds himself face to face with the fucking Sandman.
They stare at each other for a minute.
BUT WAIT A SECOND…
ULTIMO AMERICA SLAPS A HAND AROUND THE THROAT OF DARKLORD…
ANOTHER AROUND THE THROAT OF SANDMAN!
WHAT THE FUCK IS HE DOING!? ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?
DOUBLE CHOKESLAM!
OH FUCK OFF.
GET REAL.
HE STANDS THERE STRUGGLING TO EVEN MOVE THEM, ONLY FOR BOTH MONSTERS TO PICK HIM UP, AN ARM EACH AND THROW HIM OVER THE TOP FUCKING ROPE!
It’s hardly the introduction Ultimo wanted to Old School Wrestling but the rookie has felt the wrath of our monsters here tonight.
The Sandman and Darklord then turn their attentions back to one another.
RIGHTS.
LEFTS.
RIGHTS.
LEFTS.
RIGHTS.
LEFTS.
THEY BATTLE BACK AND FORTH UNTIL DARKLORD DRIVES A KNEE INTO SANDMAN’S MIDSECTION!
KNEEL!
SPARTA KICK!
NO! SANDMAN SIDESTEPS!
END OF DAYS!
DEEP SLEEP TO DARKLORD!
The OSW Champion drops him hard in the middle of the ring!
Meanwhile, the action has continued around them.
CXDY and Pyre have started battling in one corner, as Sigil and Sweet Alice war in another. Voynich is squaring off with Bishop and across all areas of the ring, someone is trying to eliminate someone else.
That includes the OSW Champion.
The Sandman has Darklord up and is pushing him over the top rope with all his might. The Warlord is heavy and difficult to move, but The Dream Demon wants to try and get rid of his biggest threat.
Only from behind comes Voynich.
The Best Kept Secret attacks with double forearms, stopping Sandman in his tracks. He drags him away and…
SLICED BREAD NUMBER 2!
THE EIGHTH WONDER!
Voynich can’t believe it. He got it. He quickly pulls Sandman up and THROWS HIM OVER THE TOP ROPE!
THE CHAMPION IS OUT! THE CHAMPION IS OUT!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
BY GOD IS HE HANGING ON.
Voynich rushes towards the ropes.
SPEAR BY BISHOP!
DEADEYE!
The Gunslinger grabs Voynich and THROWS HIM OVER THE TOP ROPE INSTEAD!
BUT VOYNICH NOW FINDS HIMSELF ALONGSIDE SANDMAN!
40 WINKS!
40 WINKS ON THE FUCKING APRON!
THE SANDMAN FORCES VOYNICH TO HIS KNEES!
BUT HERE COMES THE BIG FUCKING PALM OF DARKLORD!
The Warlord grabs Sandman by the throat and squeezes. Pyre, Alice, Sigil and CXDY rush them, grabbing Darklord from behind and tipping him as quickly as they can over the top rope!
NOW DARKLORD, VOYNICH AND SANDMAN TEETER ON THE EDGE OF ELIMINATION!
Pyre looks at Alice, who looks at Sigil and CXDY.
They all run towards the ropes, only ALICE TURNS!
DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE TO PYRE!
X-FACTOR! X-FACTOR!
OUT OF NO-WHERE!
SIGIL HAS STOPPED!
CXDY KEEPS GOING, HAVING HIT THE ROPES WITHOUT REALIZING THAT SIGIL HAS STOPPED AND ALICE TURNED ON PYRE!
HE LEAPS INTO ALL THREE, ONLY THE TWO MONSTERS CATCH HIM! OH MY GOD!
VOYNICH DARTS UNDER THE BOTTOM ROPE TO SAFETY.
DOUBLE GORILLA PRESS SLAM TO CXDY!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
VOYNICH WITH A BASEMENT DROPKICK! BASEMENT DROPKICK TO A LEG OF SANDMAN AND A LEG OF DARKLORD!
They drop CXDY back into the ring and fall to one knee each.
That was close!
CXDY rolls away and gets back to his feet. Sigil runs at him…
SLAP!
CHOP!
ROUNDHOUSE KICK!
RUNNING SINGLE LEG DROPKICK!
THE PEEERRRFEEECTTT RUSH TO SIGIL!
PERFECTION gets back up and looks at Voynich. Both men nod, heading into the ropes…
ONLY CXDY TURNS ON HIM!
HE SCOOPS HIM UP INTO THE FIREMANS CARRY!
WILLIAMS ROLLS FORWARD…
LEAPS ONTO THE ROPES WHERE SANDMAN AND DARKLORD ARE…
DOUBLE JUMP MOONSAULT!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
AS HE HITS THE ROPES, DARKLORD GRABS HIM, TOSSING HIM OVER THE TOP ROPE!
Jesus Christ.
Much like every night since this competition began, The Champions of OSW are holding on!
Darklord is the last one standing and he’s on the apron with Sandman and once again, they’re slugging it out. Sigil, ever the opportunist, quickly heads across the ring, looking to finish this one off.
He isn’t going for Sandman, he’s going for Darklord.
Only as he approaches, Darklord turns with a Headbutt, stumbling him. This Warlord is an absolute fucking warrior. He picks up Sandman, hand around the throat…
BUT SCOOPS HIM INSTEAD!
EVENT HORIZON!
PSYCHODRIVER ON THE FUCKING RING APRON!
OH MY GOD!
OH MY GOD!
THE SANDMAN HAS BEEN ELIMINATED! HE’S BEEN ELIMINATED!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
HE LANDS ON THE FUCKING RING APRON! HE’S SURELY OUTTA IT!
BISHOP COMES BARRELLING ACROSS THE RING THOUGH, AS SANDMAN IS ABOUT TO FALL..
BIG BOOT TO DARKLORD!
DARKLORD IS SENT FLYING OFF THE APRON!
OH MY GOD!
BISHOP JUST SAVED THE SANDMAN!
Holy fucking shit!
Bishop’s Big Boot hit just before Sandman hit the floor and Darklord has been eliminated instead. What drama.
The Champions survive… yet again.
Whatever happens, the status quo remains.
The Sandman is the OSW Champion.
Pyre is the Double Feature Champion.
Sweet Alice is the Rewind Champion.
Bishop is the VHS Champion.
And The Collectors Edition retain the Tag Team Championships.
Night Three has ended the exact same way that Night One and Two have – with all Six Champions remaining as Wrestle Heroes.
What’s next?
Who’s next?
Cut.