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Walking Sally

Walking Sally

Let me tell you about this new picture.

Walking Sally.

It’s a cute little movie about this dog named Sally. Nobody wanted her because she ate everything in sight, and wrecked everything she touched. That depressing little backstory leads us into the present, where Sally meets up with these other two dogs.

These dogs wreak havoc on the neighborhood, really earning the ire of the local homeowners. They team up and try to chase down these pups, and that’s the bulk of the flick.

Dogs do some stupid dog shit. Homeowners shut that shit down.

But we break into act three with Sally’s head deep in a garbage can, eating anything she can get. The homeowners approach her and no matter how loud she barks for her mates, they don’t show their snouts.

Because we find out that one of the dogs got bitten by a snake, and the poison turned him damn near rabid. The third dog took it upon itself to handle that situation.

Meanwhile Sally’s all alone against two of the Homeowners, who have a bone to pick with her.

Seems might familiar to ole Hollywood.

Little Sally might as well be named Ether if you tried to show this picture in OSW.

Nobodies sure whether her stomach’s bigger than her mouth, but she sure as shit has a history of wrecking shit.

Her and Jet Set Radio, her two buddies.

They walked into the door of OSW, but you don’t do that without catching notice of the people running the yard.

The Bad Mother Fuckers.

How long has the cycle played out, Ether?

Jet Set picks a fight. BMF finishes it.

But we’re breaking into three here, and little miss Ether is all alone. Me and Pyre found you over that garbage can, unable to do the only thing you’re good for. You tried to dial up your boys, but we all know what’s happening with them.

Ole Vipe got his fangs in Wiz, who couldn’t even be a snake properly, and now Tag’s got to put his ass down.

You’re all alone, Ether. And no matter how bright you flash your fangs, we know you’re desperate.

But I bet you’re wondering how Walking Sally ends, ain’t you?

See, I left out a real crucial piece of info.

Sally ain’t the hero in this story. She’s just the object that’s going to spur on the hero…

…when he ass gets capped by those homeowners.

Face it, kid, you’re just the B Plot to a flick that’s already written in stone.

Your buddies? They’re the ones playing out the drama. You’re not even a footnote in your own movie. This week, you’re going to see what happens when disruptive bitches get cornered by Bad Mother Fuckers.

Because this is Luke Storm’s yard, and you ain’t shitting on it anymore. Maybe Tag’ll avenge you, maybe he won’t.

That story’s not been written yet.

But our story, Ether?

It ends the same way they all do.

Just another Hollywood Happy Ending for the Real Fucking Deal!