Walk Into A Bar

In Promo by Vigour

Let me see if I’ve got this right. I think I picked it up from a friend. I’m sure I got it.

A Lord, a Lady and a Monk walk into a bar…

Wait. Fuck, I forgot it.

These sort of jokes are always about how mismatched the people in the joke are. Why the fuck would they be visiting a bar together? I just have to note that this is not my personal view – I’m all for people being different together, as we’ve established, but that’s the trope these jokes work on. And it’s true to a certain extent right? Generally no matter how different people are, there has to be some thread of commonality. Something that draws them together.

The Lord is only a lord by name, not by nature. He is sucking the literal blood out of his enemies rather than the soul out of his local community, but he shares the same sense of being aloof. Fucking aloof, what a word. But it suits Kaine Knightlord to the ground, man. It’s always felt like he sees himself as above those around him. He’s sees his immortality as experience rather than a cause for complacency, but in reality he’s the same as any of the rest of us fucking peasants, scrabbling around on the ground for scraps of attention.

The Lady, too, is one only by name and not by nature. Rather than the demure, classy females from all of the Bronte sister books, she’s blunt, straight-talking, and fucking intense man. She scares me a little. You’d think the Lord and Lady, linked as they are by blood as a real regal family are, would have more in common but she is the chalk to Knightlord’s fucking cheese.

The Monk has the closest link to his namesake, but he too is mostly a Monk only in name, for he has overseen such terrible acts and even deaths in the line of his work, that a real Monk certainly would not abide by. There has been a seething anger underlying his activity that just does not live up to his religious cover story. He’s a problem-solver, I’ll give him that, but the problems are solved like the fucking mafia would solve them, shit!

In no other circumstances would you see these three aligned for a common purpose, but here we stand, in this fucking fabulous and colourful gay bar (Starboy knows all the best spots in town), when in they walk. The Lord, The Lady, and the Monk. Their only commonality is that they all stand face to face against the Rainbow Party.

And the bartender asks: “Why the long face?”.

Fucking us, that’s why the long face! If we can live through this Vayikra nightmare mostly unscathed, what hope have these motherfuckers got?

And you can fuck off if you think I messed up the joke, I’m done with horsing around.

So lets do it now and do it loud!