“Papa, are you sure this is the best decision? He’s your greatest rival and if you were to lose, you’d bring great shame upon our family.”
[Into frame suddenly towers a large man, wearing a red mask. He bends down and puts his hand on the shoulder of the boy.]“You don’t need to fret about me, hijo,” [he says convincingly.] “I wouldn’t have taken this match if I wasn’t sure that I would bring shame to his family.”
[The boy puffs out his cheeks.] “But-“ [The luchador cuts him off.] “But nothing, chico. This mask won’t leave my head, not in life, and not in death. El Rojo is the greatest luchador in all of Mexico,” [he says with an accent.] “And tonight, I take the mask of my greatest rival.” [The luchador ruffles his sons head and walks off down the corridor, fading into the distance as if a ghost. We cut back to the son, who looks up at the black and white monitor as his father makes his grand entrance.] [Mask versus Mask.]“Please don’t lose, papa.”
[An exceedingly fancy muscle car rolls into the parking lot in time for VHS to go live. It just so happens to pull up next to the Oldsmobile owned by The Chosen One Ash Williams. The owner of the muscle car gets out, revealing the driver to be none other than Chase Hero. He takes off his glasses, placing them in the safety of his jacket pocket before walking towards the arena. He pauses for a second before turning around and slamming his car door hard into The Oldsmobile, causing a sizable dent before smirking and heading in, demanding the camera man follow.]“The Savior of Wrestling has arrived!”
[Chase makes sure people know of his arrival as he makes his way through the backstage. As he moves into the locker room, he spits on the floor, having once again come face to face with Ash Williams.] [Chase scoffs.] “I see they let garbage into the locker room. Are the janitors here that inattentive?” [Ash looks around the room, actively searching under his duffel bag and in lockers. Chase stamps his foot to get Ash’s attention.]“What are you doing?”
[Ash looks back to Hero and shrugs.] “I’m just looking for who the fuck you’re talking to. [Chase simply glares at Ash before grabbing Ash’s duffel bag and throwing it out of the room.]“I’m not in the mood to talk to a wannabe hero. Get out of MY dressing room. Real heroes are the only ones allowed in here. So scram.”
[Ash simply shakes his head and leaves, the camera follows him as he leaves, revealing a devious smirk as he grabs his things.] [Up next, The Hobo squares off with VHS’s resident inebriate… No, not that one, the other one – the debuting Brandy Cognac!] [Brandy steps up to her dishevelled opponent as the bell sounds. She puts up her dukes but quickly pegs her nose and wafts her hand as Hobo’s eu natural scent catches her. Taking offense, Hobo puts his fingers up her nose and drags her to the corner! He bounces her head off the turnbuckle then spins her round. He pops her with lefts and rights, keeping his guard up to block her attempts to fight back. Having studied these crazy wrestlers the last couple of weeks, he executes a sloppy Irish whip – sending Brandy into the opposite corner!] [Hobo kicks his blackened feet like a bull before charging at Brandy—who rolls out—sternum-first into the turnbuckles for Hobo! He stumbles back right into a deep arm drag by Cognac – and another! Missed clothesline – sit-out SPINEBUSTER by The Drunken Vixen! One… Two—kickout by the box inhabitant! Brandy heaves his stank up and drops him like a sack of potatoes with a slam. She climbs the ropes as Hobo stirs. He staggers to his grimy feet and Brandy leaps from her perch – DRUNKEN FALLS!? Hobo dives to avoid the neckbreaker and Brandy crunches into the canvas! “OOOHHH!” Hobo hits the ropes—nearly falling through them—and hits Brandy with a banana-peel elbow drop! One… Two… T—shoulder up by Cognac!] [Hobo scratches his beard, wondering what he has to do to put her away. He pulls her up and straight-up decks her, then twats her – he’s warming up that deadly combo of his! Bam, bam, bam – Combo-breaker as Brandy grabs his fist! She knees him in the ribs and hooks both his arms, looking to send him to HANGOVER CITY… BACK DROP by Hobo! Brandy nurses her back and crawls to her feet – crack, crack, smack! Hobo drops her with a boxing combo! One… Two… Three!] [The Hobo checks with the referee that a 3-count means he’s won before celebrating his hard-earned win, salivating at being able to afford a hot meal tonight!] [We cut backstage to find Keg getting ready for his match as he always does, with a drink.]“What the…” [Keg’s nose scrunches up in a look of disgusted.] “…what the fuck is that smell!?! Oh, God, it smells like a’ turd covered in burnt hair!”
[Keg turns around to find the Hobo with two similarly dirty, similarly stank homeless people at his sides. Hobo holds out his hands defensively and Keg does everything in his power not to strike.]“We’re not here to fight, or to panhandle. My friends and I just wanted to share a few… cautionary tales with you, if you have a minute.”
“Holy hell man, are you still on about this!?! I’ve told you before, I don’t have a problem!” [Chug] “I just like booze!”
“If you don’t have a problem…” [The Hobo suggests.] “…than go a week without a drink.”
[Keg looks appalled by the notion but the Hobo remains stoic in expression.]“I could if I wanted to!” [Keg shouts. Chug]
“But let me guess…” [The Hobo steps in on Keg in a non-aggressive manner.] “…you don’t want to.”
“Hell no!” [Keg shouts.] “Why would I want to? Booze is delicious.”
“Whatever you say… but I don’t for a minute think you could last a’ day, let alone a’ week.”
[The Hobo throws up his hand and a cockroach flies out; everyone oblivious to it but Keg, who looks disgusted.]“You know what, I’ll do it!” [Keg is about to take a swig off his beer before realizing what he’s doing and throwing it aside.] “No alcohol for a’ week, just to shut your dirty ass up! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I gotta’ get to the bar.”
[The Hobo scoffs.]“Off to a great start, Keg.”
“What?” [Keg realizes what Hobo’s implying.] “No, not for a drink… I’ve got a match there.”
“Sure, sure. Go ahead, lie to us Keg. You’re only hurting yourself.”
[Keg gives a look so as to say ‘what the hell does that mean’.]“Watch the damn show! I’ve got a match, with Captain Jack.”
[Hobo and his cohorts shake their heads.]“Yeah, we get it…” [The Hobo makes air quotes.] “…’Cpt. Jack’.”
“No, not Captain Morgan… it’s… oh, just forget it!”
[Keg storms off leaving the Hobo looking none too confident that Keg can make it a week without a drink.] [Cories walks to the ring, slapping hands with the fans as Pig stares him down from the ring. Cories rolls into the ring, hyping up his fans as Pig rushes forward, attacking Cories from behind as the referee quickly calls for the bell] [The bell rings as Pig pounds Cories with hard forearms to the back before throwing him across the ring. Cories bounces off right into a stiff kick to the midsection as he’s lifted up into the air before being driven down onto Pig’s knee with a double underhook backbreaker. Cories yells out in pain but he barely hits the mat before he’s lifted up by Pig who pounds away with hard forearms again before rushing to the ropes and nearly decapitating Cories with a massive clothesline that sends him spinning in the air. Cories hits the mat hard as Pig drops down, covering Cories for the first pinfall of the contest] [ONE…TWO…Matty just barely gets the shoulder up as Pig pulls him to his feet, lifting him off the canvas with a savage knee to the gut before lifting him up high into the air, trying for a Powerbomb but Cories manages to roll behind, hooking Pig up with a schoolboy as the referee counts. ONE…TWO…Pig kicks out. Both men get to their feet as Cories begins to fight back, peppering Pig with forearms as a bicycle kick to the face sends Pig down to one knee. Cories doesn’t waste time, rushing forward but a superkick attempt is ducked under before Pig lifts Cories up again, rushing forward, POWERBOMB INTO THE CORNER!] [Cories looks done as Pig lifts him up,looking for the end but as he lifts Cories up into the crucifix, Matty manages to wiggle his way out deliver a massive superkick as Pig turns around. The crowd are on their feet as Cories slowly climbs up to the top rope, KAPOW-SKI…HITS CANVAS! Pig managed to roll away as Cories gets to his feet, holding his back in pain, MARCH OF THE PIGS! Cories gets totally annihilated by the spear as Pig pulls the limp Cories to his feet, THE DAY THE WORLD WENT AWAY! Matty is a limp mess on the canvas as Pig covers, ONE…TWO…THREE!!!] [Pig gets his hand raised in victory before the referee checks on the unconscious Cories. Pig rolls out of the ring, a savage smile on his face as he’s destroyed yet another victim] [Having since escaped the cruel confines of his cage, Pig stalks the backstage area, evil intentions brewing in his cold eyes. The one or two crew members in his path scurry as he picks up a chair and throws it into the wall, then kicks a road case into a catering table.]SQUUEEAAL
[The Monster snaps his head in the direction of a muffled pig squeal. It sounds close. He brushes his hair aside and methodically follows the source.]SQUUUEEEAAAL
[Wherever that poor animal is, it sounds like it’s being tortured. Pig speeds up, lumbering along until he reaches a maintenance door. He wrenches it open and storms inside – CRACK! The Shark brains him with a 2×4! It’s Pig’s turn to squeal as he grabs the back of his head, blood dribbling through his fingers.]“Thought you’d escape your new home did you, little Piggy?” [Shark kicks out the back of his knee and forces him down into a chair.] “Roaming the wild is dangerous when you’re so far down the food chain.” [CLINK, CLINK, CLINK – he binds him with a heavy chain, clamping a padlock on for good measure. He grabs Pig’s head and lashes the fresh wound with his tongue, lapping up swine blood.]
“Your mommy abandoned you because you don’t have the killer instinct to succeed. Luther would have left you in favour of me, a real predator!” [He disappears briefly, and a whirring sound is heard.] “Pigs roll around in their own filth. Animals like you are only fit for one purpose…” [A projector comes to life, displaying a video onto the concrete wall. What the…]
“Food for the rest of us.” [He laughs and swims out of shot, leaving the chained Pig to watch the horrific footage before him: an abattoir slaughtering dozens, hundreds of pigs. Pig writhes in his seat, spit flying as he struggles to vocalise his disgust and his anger. The room is bathed in red, filled by the echoing squeals of butchered pigs.] [The sound of cheering fans stand on the outside of a local tavern in which this bar room brawl is to take place in Las Vegas. Captain Jack has two empty tankards in front of him as some foam coats his mustache. Sitting across from him is Keg with four empty glasses of his own.] [The two men get to their feet with neither showing effects from their beverages. The bartender smashes a glass on the bar to signify the beginning. The two lock up like two bulls pushing each other over the nearby tables which fall over in their way. Keg loses his balance as he falls back on a stool but Jack just smacks him across the head before lifting up a nearby beer and pours the contents all over him! Keg pushes him back across another table as Keg gets to his feet trying to wipe the beer from his eyes.] [He finally does but his vision is blurred again by a swinging pool stick! Keg staggers backwards before reaching out and grabbing a hose. Captain Jack gives a little chuckle as he raises the pool stick again. BEER sprays from the hose into the eye of Jack as he drops the weapon to try to clear his own eye. Keg kicks Jack in the gut before lifting him up for a KEGSLAM! The running powerslam is extremely effective on the hard bar floor as Jack is barely stirring. Keg pulls him up by his hair, but Jack rakes his eyes. Elbow, elbow, elbow… SPIKED DDT! THE SEVEN SEAS was hit as Keg demands the bartender examine him.] [The bartender looks over the bar and sees him stirring and resumes his place smoking away on his cigarette. Captain Jack grabs his flask out of his jacket, takes a swig, then pulls Keg to his feet. He whips him towards the wall as he slams into it before falling to the ground with the dartboard on the wall. It’s then that Jack smiles as he turns around before grabbing one of his empty tankards. Keg staggers to his feet as Jack raises his glass high. A dart whizzes by Captain Jack’s head as his eye is open wide in shock! He smashes the glass over Keg’s head before pulling him in for… SCALLYWAG powerbomb with Keg landing on the bar! The bartender leans over and nods signaling the end of the match as Keg isn’t responding.] [Captain Jack grabs a pint and downs it quickly celebrating his win before staggering his way out of the bar as Keg is making moaning noises as he rolls of the bar from probably not his first bar fight.] [Captain Jack exits the bar into the streets of Las Vegas holding his head possibly as a result of the headshots or the foamy liquids had done their toll on him. It’s there that he’s blindsided by an article of clothing. He catches it with a scowl on his face. It’s then that he recognizes it as Matthew Cories’ letterman jacket.]
“You… youuuuuu! You ruined my favorite jacket! You know how long I’ve worn that stylish jacket?! DO YOU!?”
[Captain Jack looks at the jacket before looking up at the jacketless Cories. A smile spreads across his mouth before he drops the jacket to the ground and stomps on it.]“Aye, matey. It’s what ye be deservin’ for tresspassin’ where ye ought not to. I warned ye yet ye didn’t heed this ol’ pirate’s sirens.”
[That 90’s Guy just stares at the dropped jacket with growing anger shown on his face. It’s then that the sound of footsteps is heard approaching as three men dressed in pirate garb. Their faces are ghastly as they approach.]“Captain…”
“What is it, ye scallywags?”
[The pirates look at each other before finally one speaks up while looking down the entire time.]“It’s Polly, captain. The bird’s gone missing!”
“What do ye mean missin’?!”
“The bird was just g-”
[Captain Jack grabs the nearest pirate around the neck and throws him to the disgusting floor.]“TEN doubloons to whoever finds my bird, spread the word!”
[The pirates all leave with only Matthew Cories standing on the sidewalk, still staring down at the varsity jacket which he slowly picks up despite the water damage being evident.]“An eye for an eye, Captain Jack. An eye for an eye.”
[Chase Hero is in the ring moving back and forth as Jones The Terrible steps over the top rope with his eyes leveled on Hero. The debut of The Terrible starts now!] [The bell sounds but Jones doesn’t budge. Chase Hero walks up to him as he continues talking himself up calling himself ‘the only hero.’ Hero reaches back and nails a punch to the jaw of Jones. Then a knee to the stomach, only Jones doesn’t move! He looks up at him and Jones just smiles. Chase hits the ropes before coming back and dropkick to the knee! Jones goes down to a knee even though surprise is shown on his face. Hero hits the ropes again! He comes back and SPINEBUSTER! Hero’s eyes roll back into his head as Jones smiles down at him.] [He yanks Hero back to his feet by his flowing locks before hitting a stiff European Uppercut. Hero staggers backwards into the corner before YAKUZA KICK! Hero ducks underneath as Jones’ leg gets caught. Hero grabs him by the pants and rolls him up before hooking the tights. One…Two…T-NO! Jones gets to his feet with a glint in his eyes. He hoists Chase Hero up on his hands into the air before depositing him onto the mat with a gorilla press! Hero is holding his ribs as he gets back to his feet with the eyes of Jones The Terrible never losing sight of him.] [Jones walks over to him and TALK TO THE BOOT! The superkick catches the bigger man on the chin! He staggers, not quite ready to fall before TALK TO THE BOOT SOME MORE! The superkick rocks him once more! Jones hits the mat! Chase Hero isn’t finished though. He makes his way to the top rope. Elbow drop to the chest! He covers the big man. One… KICKOUT AT TWO! Jones is getting to his feet. He grabs Hero by the locks but Hero gets a thumb into his eye before rolling him up utilizing his weight atop of Jones’ legs! One…Two…THREE!] [Chase Hero doesn’t wait around as he slides out of the ring and begins making his way up the ramp as the referee follows him to raise his hand. Jones is on one knee and looks pissed off.] [Darkness.] [As abrupt as darkness can be, we’re suddenly thrust into the belly of said beast. The crowd doesn’t know what’s going on, their voices murmuring cautiously.] [And when the lights return, some may wish they hadn’t.] [The Scarecrow.] [Jones The Terrible comes face to face with something even more terrifying than himself. He swings a right clobbering blow that barely even effects The Monster. The Scarecrow simply stands, his head tilted.] [Another shot, another, another and Jones becomes more and more enraged. He’s desperate to take The Scarecrow down but every shot bounces off of him.] [The Monster reaches out for his throat and grabs it, squeezing so hard that Jones falters to a knee. That isn’t good enough though and ‘Crow with great power, forces him to rise before throwing him across the ring.] [There’s an awkward silence amongst the crowd.] [The Scarecrow shouldn’t even be here.] [Jones hasn’t seen something like this before. In all his travelling, he has never come across this. He runs aimlessly at The Monster, almost getting his head taken off with a Big Boot. The Scarecrow pulls him back to his feet and Bye Bye Birdie! Chokeslam!] [STRAIGHT THROUGH THE CANVAS.] [“Holy shit!” chants echo throughout the arena as The Scarecrow looks down into the pit and steps inside, vanishing underneath the ring with Jones the Terrible. What will he do with him? What will become of Jones?] [The lights go off.] [Flutter.] [Squawk.] [They return. Both of them having vanished. Why has Scarecrow come to VHS?] [Where did they go? Where your eyes daren’t.] [Chase Hero stands tall after his hard fought battle against Jones, waiting for the situation to die down before rolling back into the ring and calling for a microphone to address the crowd.]“That is how you conquer a villain! I come out here, and night after night I let it be known that I am the Savior wrestling needs. But wrestling sure doesn’t deserve Chase Hero. And no petty villain is going to stop me from showing you week after week why I am the savior of wrestling.”
[His rant is soon interrupted by Ash Williams, the Chosen one seen over the titantron.]“Chase, buddy, pal, amigo. You gotta get your head outta your ass. It’s a wonder your hair isn’t brown at this point.”
[Chase turns to the titantron, ready to yell at Ash when Ash puts up his hands, stopping Chase.]“Look, you’re going on and on about being a hero, but the only thing I see you saving is your ego. Listen, you need a villain. Want a villain? Well, I have a groovy deal for you!”
“A what? Listen gramps, stop trying to make yourself relevant by riding my coat tails.”
[Ash grins as the camera pans out to reveal him standing on top of Chase’s car, a sledgehammer leaning against it and paint cans next to Ash.]“Get off of my car! You’ll regret it you piece of-”
“What’s that? I’m sorry, I think my hearing aid must have died. You said paint your car? Well if you insist.”
[Chase throws down his microphone in anger as he yells obscenities at Ash. The Chosen one jumps up and down on the hood of the car before leaping off and opening the paint cans, covering the custom paint job in brown and yellow paint. Ash feigns being hard of hearing again as he picks up the sledgehammer and goes to town on the car, leaving it beaten to near pieces by the time he’s done. Chase is already running up the ramp by the time Ash get done.]“Looks kinda like a Deadite, only worse. But that’s what he asked for, right?”
[Ash laughs to himself as he vacates the scene, leaving before Chase has a chance to show up.] [Both men stare like statues across the ring from one another. Viktor North adjusting his wrist tape, anxious to get on with the match. Ash Williams has a stoic look on his face but there’s no way he doesn’t have a lot on his mind. Between Chase Hero turning on him and reuniting Those 90’s guys for a huge win, Ash must be a mix of emotions coming into this bout.] [The bell rings and Ash Williams wastes no time going straight in for the Boomstick, but Viktor North see’s it coming and ducks under as Ash Williams’ momentum carries him past Viktor North and almost into the opposite corner. Viktor North reaches back and drops Ash Williams with a neckbreaker. Viktor North pulls a stunned Ash Williams off the canvas and delivers a textbook overhead belly to belly suplex, tossing Ash Williams near the other corner again.] [Viktor North begins to stalk Ash Williams approaching him carefully as Ash Williams struggles to one knee. Viktor gets in close enough to reach for Ash Williams, but Ash grabs Viktor by the front of his tights and pulls him face first into the middle turnbuckle. Ash wastes no time and tackles Viktor and begins raining down a flurry of hard strikes. Viktor attempts to cover up, but as he covers one area of his body, Ash focuses his strikes elsewhere.] [Ash moves from the mount to a modified side headlock, forcing Viktor to his feet. Ash transitions into a front chancery, almost a guillotine choke and delivers knees to the midsection. Ash positions Viktors head between his legs and underhooks the arms. Ash sets up Viktor for Hail To The King! NO! Viktor transitions out! Viktor lands a vicious headbutt and follows it with a Yakuza Kick, Ash is looking dazed. Viktor comes of the ropes and goes for GUNGNIR! Ash is down! [Ash is prone on the canvas but Viktor North signals he’s not done. The Skullsplitter lifts up The Chosen One who is struggling to stand. Viktor North positions himself behind Ash and hits FALL OF UTGARD!, Ash Williams was spiked on his head with that modified piledriver! Viktor North holds for the cover One…Two….Three!] [Another impressive victory for the Skull Splitter as he continues to make a name for himself in VHS, this time knocking off a veteran of Old School Wrestling.] [Davenport paces back and forth in the ring, itching for a fight.] “Come get it over with, boy! I’m gonna take ya out to the toolshed.” [He gobs tobacco onto the mat as the referee grimaces.] [Andre’s music hits, and Prince Lightskin himself swaggers through the curtain with his arms open, sporting a new military-style jacket. Well, a very old new jacket. That thing looks positively ancient…] [Davenport suddenly mounts the ropes, his eyes bulging in their sockets.] “What are you wearin’? What the hell are you wearin’!?” [What’s wrong with him? He storms over to the official, mouthing off and pointing at Andre as if accusing the referee of being in on this. Why is he so upset?] [Aquarius reaches into a pocket on the blue-grey jacket, retrieving a microphone. He hitches up his red cuff and holds the stick to his shit-eating grin.]“What’s the matta, Massah? You don’t like Andre’s new threads? Shit, I thought this would be right up your alley!” [He does a catwalk spin, and the crowd start to twig it.] “See, bruh, you been talkin’ so much about that not-so-great great great great great grandaddy of yours, that Blackamura here thought he’d take a little road trip and research your Addams Family tree!”
[Davenport punches the nearest turnbuckle pad and kicks the bottom rope.] “You shut your mouth if you wanna keep your teeth, son!” [Andre smirks it off.] “So I go on down to your Texas Chainsaw Massacre farmhouse and I poke around. Didn’t find nothin’ at first – ‘cept some family portraits of missing chromosomes.” [“OOOHHH!” The crowd reaction further antagonises Davenport, who’s ready to burst a blood vessel.] “Then Prince Lightskin goes on up to the master bedroom, where Django himself came Unchained all over great-great-great-grandmama Davenwhore!” [“OOOOHHHH!” A furious Jon goes to breach the ropes but is held back by the referee.]“Nothin’ there neither.” [Andre continues.] “But in the closet is an old-ass trunk. I crack that thing open like Pandora’s Box and find this.” [He twirls again, showing off the coat.] “Ole slavemaster Davenport’s Civil War jacket!” [Andre has stolen Jon’s ancestor’s Confederate uniform! Jon pulls at his hair, seething with rage.]
“And now, Davenport… now I’m gonna make your bitch-ass quit like Robert E. Lee – SEALIEVE THAT!”
[Andre drops the mic and thunders to the ring, where Jon begs him with both hands to “Bring it!”] [Davenport waits in the middle of the ring as Aquarius rolls into the ring, wearing an antique civil war jacket. Andre turns around, taunting the fans as Davenport turns him around, delivering a hard right hook as he pulls the jacket off Andre carefully, cradling it tenderly in his arms. Davenport hands it to the timekeeper carefully as he turns around into a stiff kick to the head] [The bell rings furiously as Andre drops down, pounding on the unprotected skull of Davenport who tries the best he can to cover up. Andre stops punching as he locks in a modified chokehold instead, trying to force Davenport to say I Quit. The Hound Dog refuses, forcing himself up to his feet as he delivers hard elbows to the gut of Andre, breaking the hold as a sharp headbutt staggers the younger man. Davenport bounces off the ropes, trying for a clothesline but Andre ducks under, leaping up DANKINFUSION! Davenport gets driven into the mat with that fameasser but Andre doesn’t press the advantage, rolling out of the ring instead as he looks under the apron for a weapon] [Andre grabs out a steel chair as he rolls back into the ring, waiting for Davenport to get to his feet. As Jon does, Andre swings hard, just barely missing Davenport who kicks the chair back into Andre’s face before slamming him to the canvas with a Belly to Belly. Davenport places the chair over Andre’s body before climbing up to the bottom rope…CHAIR ASSISTED MUD FLOP! Andre still refuses to quit however as Jon stomps down on him savagely before reaching inside his tights and pulling out a rope] [Davenport pulls Andre up, trying to wrap the rope around his throat but Andre has the steel chair as he slams it into Davenport’s gut before delivering a home run shot across his skull. Andre drops the chair, begging Davenport to get to his feet as he does, blood dripping from the chair shot, #PEPEKI..NO! Davenport ducks under the kick as he delivers a stiff low blow to Andre before picking up the rope again, wrapping it around Andre’s throat before tying the other end to the top rope. Andre struggles to get free as Davenport locks in the Georgia Crawfish. Loosing oxygen fast, Andre tries to fight but he quickly passes out as the referee quickly calls for the bell] [Davenport releases the hold, celebrating his victory as the referee tries to untie Andre.] [Following the gruelling match, an exhausted Davenport gets to his feet shakily. He looks down at Aquarius and slowly shakes his head.] “No… that ain’t enough.” [The referee looks at Jon uncertainly.] “He has to pay for what he did and the things he said!” [The Ol’ Huntin’ Hound Dog rolls under the ropes and throws the ring apron back as he sniffs out a weapon of some sort. With great effort, he pulls out… a breeze block! “OOOHHH…” Even the fans sound concerned here. Jon nods and smiles to himself as he heaves the block onto the ring skirt and shoves it across the mat. He rolls back in.]“No, Jon! It’s over! You already beat him and you won’t see him again!” [The referee pleads with Davenport, but he scares him off with a feint hook. Jon sets the breeze block up and then drags Andre over to it. He… he… opens Andre’s mouth and props his head onto it! A deathly silence falls over the crowd as many in attendance cover their eyes.]
“THIS IS FOR MY FAMILY!” [Davenport screams as he backs up – CURB STOMP! HOLY SHIT! “Ooohhhh…” A timid and sickened groan escapes the crowd. Referees and EMTs race to the ring to tend to an unconscious Andre, whose teeth litter the mat! Jon picks one up, holds it to the light, then smiles as he pockets the memento!] [John Denver’s “Thank God I’m a Country Boy!” plays Jon out, the upbeat country song sounding oddly haunting to the scene before us.] [“Ladies and Gentlemen, the following match is for the Rewind Championship!”] [Paloma’s words echo throughout the arena as the fans burst into cheers. Ten of the finest VHS competitors surround each other in the middle of the ring, awaiting the bell.] [Ding Ding! That’s the noise that makes sure havoc ensues. Bodies start flying everywhere as right and left hands thrust around the squared circle. Ash and Cories immediately team up, taking the fight to Captain Jack. They whip him across the ring and go for a Clothesline, only Jack pops underneath them and watches as Viktor North takes both men down with a Double Clothesline of his own.] [Keg meanwhile is trying to tip The Hobo out of the ring and has him leveraged pretty good when Brandy Cognac sneaks up behind him and tips him straight over and to the outside, eliminating him. The Alcoholic gets up and realizes what’s happened, hopping back onto the ring apron to remonstrate with his friend.] [That distraction is enough for The Hobo who grabs Cognac from behind and throws her straight over the top and into Keg, toppling them both to the floor! The Hobo grins a toothless smile, turning around to see Davenport who scoops him up and down with a Body Slam. Cories across the ring has gotten up and finds himself backed into a corner by Jack.] [The Captain pulls out a hook and threatens the 90’s kid, who backs away slowly and quite literally rolls himself over the top rope to be eliminated. He didn’t want any piece of that. Jack smirks, but Ash Williams isn’t so afraid, tipping him straight over the top as well! Chase Hero – who has been hiding since the start, sneaks up and takes his opportunity, grabbing Ash and launching him over the top; only Ash hangs onto the apron!] [The cocky young upstart brags almost immediately, that is until Jon Davenport grabs him by the throat and nails him with a Headbutt. Davenport backs him over the ropes that Ash pulls down, eliminating him. The Chosen One looks back, not realizing that Davenport wasn’t working with him. Jon headbutts him stiff in the jaw, sending him to the outside as well!!] [We’re down to the final four now – Pig, Viktor North, Jon Davenport and The Hobo. Pig runs at North as Davenport and The Hobo battle it out. Pig has been lost in the haze of battle so far but he’s letting North have it, the pair trading stiff blows across the ring. Jon meanwhile is launched over the top rope by Hobo, barely hanging on. The Hobo tries to leverage him out but it’s just not happening. Spotting this, North pings Pig’s head off the turnbuckle and storms over, Clotheslining Hobo to the apron as well!] [Viktor starts right handing them both as Pig comes over and grabs him from behind, watching as Hobo and Jon drop with the top rope, helping to send the Viking to the outside! Viktor North has been eliminated! Pig though doesn’t see Davenport and Hobo coming, both men reaching into the ring, grabbing an arm each and HIP TOSSING HIM TO THE OUTSIDE!] [Hobo just did a wrestling move! He looks so proud of himself, a look that is quickly wiped off his face by a LOW BLOW!! LOW BLOW BY DAVENPORT ON THE APRON! The Hobo drops to his knees holding his groin, then falls off the ring apron!!] [Jon Davenport has done it! Jon Davenport has become the first ever REWIND Champion! He celebrates in the ring with a stoic like expression, demanding the referee strap the belt around his waist as the fans boo in the background.] [Ahead of what may be the most important match of his life, Nyx makes his way down the hallway towards the ringside area. This is his last walk before entering the Schoolyard for war, and the camera slowly draws itself into his glasses, finding nothing but what Nyx is greeted by on a daily basis.] [Darkness. Pitch black.] [As the camera pulls out, Viktor North sits in a darkened room. Watching. Waiting. The room around him is dark, and a vicious smile can be seen, teeth gleaming beyond the bearded darkness.]
“A cowardly man thinks he will ever live, if warfare he avoids;”
[North recites the beginning to an old piece of Viking wisdom as he watches the cautious Nyx make his way down this hallway.]“But old age will give him no peace, though spears may spare him.”
[A snort comes from deep within the throat of North, perhaps a chuckle even. One never knows with the Skull Splitter.]“Great honor awaits you, veslingr, as you enter your coming war.” [Viktor pauses, his eyes never leaving Nyx’s form.] “Or great disgrace.”
[Viktor holds his arm out, tracing the tentative yet fluid footsteps of Nyx.]“Kringlaugd wierd, ein spadi for qvoki ne skeifr drpr munni ne svinhqfdi!”
[This time there is no doubt that a chuckle has emanated from North. He decides to translate.]“Gaze upon thy destiny, with this sword I will cleave your lying maggot mouth from your swine head!”
[North closes his eyes to find the wisdom of the gods as Nyx reaches his destination.]“I’ll be waiting, Nyx. You will not take my honor.”
[Sitting in darkness, North prepares to watch as the VHS Championship is decided between his foe Nyx and the Shark.] [It all boils down to this. Two men, one title. Who will be the first? Both men have battled hard to get here. Only one can walk away.] [The Evolution of Athleticism is only half way through his ring walk, when The Shark blindsides him from behind. The intent is all over Shark’s face. Driving Nyx down to his knees through nothing more than blows to the back of his his opponents head. Wrapping his arm around Nyx’s head… BAM!! Shark DDT’s Nyx straight onto the steel ramp way. This one is getting ugly before the men have even hit the ring. Shark observes the situation. Noticing the bell hasn’t even been rung yet as neither man has stepped inside the ring, a sickening smile creeps across his deranged face.] [Picking his Nyx up by the scruff of the neck, Shark begins to make his way to the ring. Stopping at certain intervals to introduce Nyx’s skull to barrier steel. Upon being at ring level, Shark looks like he is about to throw Nyx into the ring, so we can get the official start of this one. Much to the fans disliking though at the last second he fakes and Irish whips NYX straight into the outside ring post steel. The third time Nyx has met different steel within thirty seconds. With the fans wanting the match to begin and Nyx to gain an upper hand in the contest. Shark has himself some other ideas though.] [Heading over to the ring bell area, Shark picks up and folds up a steel chair. With Nyx still leaning forehead first into the ring post. Shark pulls back and takes aim, NYX DUCKS LAST MINUTE THOUGH AND THE STEEL VIBRATIONS GO UP THROUGH SHARKS WRIST AND INTO HIS ARMS. Forcing him to drop the chair and shake in a mixture of pain and anger. Now is the time Nyx, get him in the ring. Angry from the pre-match beating he has taken, Nyx grabs Shark and throws him into the closest barricade. Hoisting Shark up into the air Nyx holds him for a second before letting him go, Shark tumbling from high in the air straight to the barricade, THROAT FIRST.] [The force causes Shark to do almost a back somersault and he’s in the crowd. Wasting no time Nyx climbs over. The two men brawl through the crowd, the fans around them pulling out camera phones and taking selfies. Nyx clearly has the upper hand and elbow and chop combinations are pushing Shark closer and closer to one of the stairways that runs through the schoolyard. Battling up the stairs, both men trading back and forth. The 100th fan to try and take a selfie gets a surprise as Shark grabs the camera phone out his hand… AND STARTS BEATING NYX IN THE FACE WITH IT…. REPEATEDLY! SHARDS OF GLASS FROM THE SCREEN STICK OUT OF NYX’S FOREHEAD. BLOOD BEGINS TO POUR.] [With Nyx cut open, blood pouring into his eyes. Something snaps in Nyx and he swiftly kicks Shark in the gut doubling him over and…….SNAP SUPLEX ONTO THE CONCRETE STEPS! THE DAMAGE TO BOTH MEN PLASTERED ALL OVER THEIR FACES!! Almost a minute passes by as the two men try to regain themselves and heal as much as possible. Nyx is first to his feet. Pulling an in pain Shark to feet he throws him down the stairs back closer to the ring area. Tossing Shark back over to ringside, Shark’s feet get stuck on top of the barricade. Nyx looks to get Shark back in the ring, when he has an idea and stops dead in his tracks. The fans tune into the same idea Nyx is having.] [PERCUTER ONTO THE RINGSIDE FLOOR!!! SHARK HAS TOOK SOME BEATING IN THE LAST FEW MOMENTS! The fans happy to see Shark almost life and lifeless are even more overjoyed when Nyx finally throws Shark in the ring. Several minutes after this match unofficially begun, the referee rings the bell and the match has now OFFICIALLY begun. Nyx makes the cover on a seemingly dead shark. One….Two… NEW VHS CHAMPION INCOMING… THR… NO!!! SHARK DUG DEEP AND FORCED A SHOULDER UP! NYX COULD TASTE THE CHAMPIONSHIP GOLD RIGHT THERE.] [With both men’s stamina almost depleted through the unexpected punishment at the hands of steel, concrete and even glass in this supposedly normal wrestling contest. Shark has crawled over to the corner and is using it to claw his way back to his feet. Nyx approaches him from behind and lunges forward to grab him. SHARK DUCKS UNDER HIS LEGS THOUGH! SHARK BITE! SHARK BITE! THE LOOK ON SHARK’S FACE TELLS US HE IS ENJOYING GNAWING ON THAT FLESH! With Nyx in serious pain, possibly bleeding on the rear as well as the forehead his night gets worse. A reverse bulldog brings Shark down to the mat. HE GRABS AN ARM… HE GRABS A LEG….ASYLUM SPECIAL! ITS IN! HANG ON IN THERE NYX! WITH NO ESCAPE HE TAPS!! NYX TAPS!! SHARK HAS DONE IT!!] [HE’S DONE IT! THE ASYLUM ARE LOOKING STRONG AND THIS MAN IS THEIR LATEST AND NEWEST CHAMPION. THE BIGGEST WIN OF HIS CAREER, THE SHARK IS THE NEW AND FIRST VHS CHAMPION] [As Shark gets back to his feet, the referee hands him the prestigious VHS Championship and backs off to let him celebrate.] [Hysteria, Smiley and Doubt step out onto the stage and make their way to the ring, hoisting him into the air to celebrate his phenomenal victory here tonight.] [They’re all Champions. Every single one of them.] [Suddenly “You’re The Best, Around!” hits and onto the stage steps Betamax, looking as dapper as ever in his best red suit. The Asylum put Shark down and turn their attention to the stage, where he stands with a grin of his own.]“Shark, you said it yourself baby; you’re top of the food chain! But being there comes with a target and at Rebellion, in the Main Event, you will defend that VHS Championship against Pig.”
[The fans cheer.]“But before we get there, I’ve some ‘splainin’ to do. Next week on VHS, it’s time to start a whole new chapter in the history of this show. Therefore, live in the Main Event, The Asylum will be welcomed once again to our humble house as Lumberjacks when The Shark takes on Jon Davenport!”
[The fans ‘OOHHHHH’ at that one.]“If that doesn’t tickle your pickle, then how about we put an exclamation point on one or two of these wars I’ve seen raging around VHS. Captain Jack will do battle with Matthew Cories and Keg will take on The Hobo in a Back Alley Brawl!”
[Everyone is on their feet as Betamax draws the show to a conclusion.]“It’s the start of a new chapter in VHS and you, bubby, you’re the poster boy for it!”
[VHS comes to a close with Betamax pointing at Shark, who goes back to celebrating with The Asylum.] [What a night.]