“I’m the best! Around! Nothing’s gonna ever keep me down.”
[Noticing the camera is now on him, he cha-cha-cha’s and stops dead, putting his hands on hips.]“Follow me.”
[The camera follows him towards the gorilla position, in which he flashes a wink and a pointed finger at the technicians, cueing up his music.]“It’s showtime!”
[“You’re The Best” by Joe Esposito hits and our cameras switch to ringside where our entire VHS roster await us in the middle of the ring. The man in the red mask hits the stage and struts to the ring, hopping up the ring steps and stepping inside. With an air of confidence, he reaches out over the ropes for a microphone and receives one.]“Oh boy, can you feel the fuckin’ electricity tonight? It’s sending shivers down my spine!” [he says to the roster that surround him – who quite literally no sell his remarks.] “We’re going to make history here in Old School Wrestling. For those of you who don’t know me and I’m guessing that’s all of ya, I’m Betamax.”
[The crowd laugh and murmur amongst themselves.]“And this little slice of paradise is all mine. I’m the commissioner around these parts and that means I make all the decisions. All the matches on tonight’s card are VHS Championship tournament matches. We’re going to go from 12, to 6, to the final 3. Those final three will face off for the Championship in two weeks time.”
[Everyone inside the ring looks around their competition.]“That’s right boys, size each other up, because it’s going down. In six weeks time, VHS will be holding its very first special event, called Rebellion.”
[Before Betamax can finish what he’s saying, The Shark snatches the microphone.] [He circles the competitors, contemplating his competition.]“Welcome,” [he hisses.] “To the Shark tank. Starting tonight, the VHS Championship is on the line and you guys are chum in the water. Well guess what, it’s feeding time.”
[Whilst everyone takes exception, one man steps forward; Pig. We’ve never heard him mutter as much as a single word as he approaches Shark and looks him dead in the eyes.]“What? Do you think you’re an animal?” [Shark screams at him.] “Is that it? Do you think you’re higher on the food chain than me, little piggy?”
[Before Shark can say another word, Pig snatches the microphone from him.] [He pauses.] [The crowd await with bated breath to hear the animal talk.]“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” [Betamax can be heard protesting off microphone. He slowly intervenes between the two and carefully takes the microphone back from Pig, who hasn’t removed his eyes from those of The Shark.] “Can I just interrupt for a second?” [He says to boos from the crowd. They wanted to hear Pig speak.] “It’s clear that right here, we have a case of two predators fighting to be top of the food chain. We have a Pig and a Shark. That’s what you call great television. So who am I to get in between that kind of fight? Therefore, gentlemen, at VHS: Rebellion, consider it booked.”
[Betamax smiles, remaining between the two guys.]“As for the rest of the show, let’s get it started. Hobo, Aquarius, you guys are up first. Everyone else get the hell out of the ring!”
[Everyone starts vacating while Pig and Shark share one more look before vacating too. It looks like we’re jumping straight into the action tonight!] [Andre Aquarius looks like he just walked out of the club; the Hobo straight out of the gutter; but ready or not, these two men do battle tonight!] [The opening bell kicks this thing off and the Hobo charges, landing a clubbing blow to Andre’s chest that knocks the wind out of Prince Lightskin. UPPERCUT! LEFT HOOK! RIGHT HOOK! RIGHT HOOK! RIGHT HOOK! The Hobo pummels Andre into the corner where transitions over to knees into Aquarius’s gut; only relenting when the official moves between them to cause a break. The Hobo reads the ref the riot act… RUNNING CROSS BODY! Andre nearly takes out the referee as he slams into the Hobo at full force! And it’s Aquarius with the pin! One! Two! Th-NO! Hobo kicks out!] [Andre drags Hobo to his feet and yells something to the crowed before hooking in a headlock! Aquarius wrestles the Hobo into the center of the ring… BELLY-TO-BELLY SUPLEX! The Hobo struggles to his feet… DANKINFUSION! Adrea catching all of that modified Fameasser! And right into the roll-up! One! Two! Th-NO! Andre can’t believe it, the Hobo kicked out! Aquarius runs the Hobo to his feet again but this time he’s a little more careless… KIDNEY PUNCH! UPPERCUT! The Hobo is coming back! PEPE KICK! NO! The Hobo ducks under! Andre pops up and… KNOCKOUT PUNCH! Andre is down!] [The official begins a ten count and the Hobo stands by with anticipation. One! Two! Three! Andre begins to stir! Four! Five! Six! Aquarius is trying to… Aquarius is up! He was playing possum a bit! EYE POKE! The Hobo is stunned… but he throws punches wildly! And he catches Andre in the shoulder! Then the chin! Aquarius fumbles and the Hobo moves in… LEFT! RIGHT! LEFT! RIGHT! RIGHT! RIGHT! The Hobo lights up Andre who drops like a ton of bricks! Instead of waiting for the ten count, the Hobo rolls Andre up! One! Two! Three!] [He’s done it! Straight off the street, the Hobo has managed a huge win over Andre Aquarius! The Hobo moves on, in the VHS Tournament!] [Black glasses.] [The camera pans out from the glasses to show Nyx stood before us, smiling. Tonight he faces Ash Williams in the Main Event, but first, a few words.]“I’m a survivor.”
[His face becomes more serious.]“And I’ve survived things you can only ever imagine. I’ve turned perceived weakness into absolute strength and tonight, in the middle of that ring, I sing my song.”
[Before he can continue, Viktor North suddenly appears. The Viking walks towards him, his face contorted in disgust.]“The Gods have blessed you,” [Viktor says with great pride.] “Like Odin, they have taken your sight so that you may gain great knowledge and truly see. Only, what you do with your gift, it shames them.”
[Nyx adjusts himself appropriately.] “Excuse me?”“You’ve been given a great gift and yet you squander it like a swine. Árinni kennir illur ræðari. A bad rower blames the oar. You romanticize your gift as if you’ve clambered the sky to Valhalla and made greatness out of hindrance. You were never hindered in the first instance.”
[Rather than argue, The Liberated swings with his stick, catching Viktor upside the head. He stumbles and returns, grabbing Nyx and throwing him with great force against the wall behind him. He stomps away, viciously grabbing his skull and ramming him head first into it for good measure.]“I’ll teach you to honour the Gods.”
[The Skull Splitter walks away, leaving Nyx unconscious on the floor.] [Viktor North stands in the ring, staring down Captain Jack who takes a massive swig from an impressively large bottle of rum, handing it to the referee along with his parrot and hat before turning to the Skull Splitter, urging him forward] [The bell rings as both men rush forward, exchanging heavy right hands, an exchange that Jack quickly gets the better of but an attempt at a spinning lariat is ducked under, North stunning Jack with a sharp headbutt before attempting to lift him up into the air with a Suplex. Jack blocks the first attempt as Viktor almost gets him over on the second but Jack drops down behind Viktor, drilling him into the canvas with a stiff neckbreaker. The Captain pulls North up to his feet, trying for an early Walk the Plank but Viktor fights out of it with hard elbows to the temple, staggering Jack as Viktor rushes forward right into a decapitating Lariat] [Jack doesn’t cover, instead backing up to the ropes, bouncing off as he tries for a splash that hits only canvas. Jack gets up, holding his stomach in pain as he walks right into a hard rolling elbow that leaves him out on his feet, Viktor quickly pulling Jack up into the air before spiking him into the canvas with a stiff Brainbuster. North doesn’t cover, instead backing up before waiting for Jack to get to his feet, GUNGIR…NO! Jack was ready for him as he greets Viktor with a hard kick to the face before lifting him up and nearly planting him into the canvas with the Scallywag. Jack covering as Viktor crashes into the canvas] [ONE…TWO…Viktor gets the shoulder up. Jack calls for the end, pulling Viktor up but he gets dropkicked away before North runs full force at him, GUNGIR! Captain Jack got folded in half from the impact of that move as North goes for the killing blow, pulling Jack up to his feet, grabbing him from behind FALL OF UTGARD! Jack looks dead as Viktor covers for the sure victory, ONE…TWO…THREE!!!] [The bell rings as North gets to his feet, the referee raising his hand before Viktor rolls out of the ring, celebrating his victory as he continues to the second round of the VHS title tournament] [Jon Davenport stews in his locker room, his mouth hitched in disdain as he tapes his wrists.]“VHS? This is the damn minor leagues! Ya ain’t gotta grow up on a farm to know when you’re looking at goose shit. I’m Jon Davenport. I’m the Cadillac of pro wrestlin’!”
Spit
[Ol’ Huntin’ Hound Dog wipes his mouth with the back of his hand before placing another pinch of Skoal in his cheek. He stuffs his paw into his gym bag and pulls his boots out, tied together by the laces. They’re cracked and dirty-looking and losing their shape, but all the eyelets are still there. Jon strokes them affectionately.]“Sorry, ladies. Been meanin’ ta get you cleaned up. Twenty years… they don’t make em like you anymore, that’s fer sure.”
[Jon looks up, crinkling his nose at the sudden sickly sweet scent that wafts in – following one Andre Aquarius.]“Where you been at, boy? Had to carry my own damn bags. Here—” [Jon tosses his boots to Andre, who catches them with a look of utter disbelief.] “Shine them boots up fer me.”
Thud
[Andre throws the boots down in disgust. Jon leaps from his bench, incensed, but stops as Andre points a finger in his face.]“Who the fuck you think you’re talkin’ to, old man!? I know Ghostbusters is makin’ a comeback but don’tchu go gettin’ all Hollywood cos motherfuckas be askin’ you for Stay Puft autographs! Only thing Sickwave Blackamura be shinin’ up is his elbow to put through your fat fuckin’ head!”
[Jon chews as he looks the seething Andre up and down before shaking his head.] “My great-great-grandaddy must be turnin’ in his damn grave at what’s happened to America.” [He nods at his boots.] “I’ma pretend you dropped those. How ‘bout you pick em up and shine em like I told you to?” [Prince Lightskin is on the verge of an embolism. A wry smile soon dances across his face, however.] “Yeah. Yeah, that’s right… I dropped em.” [He bends down to pick them up.] “Sorry about that, bruh bruh. Bad week n all. Leave it to ya boy, Andre. He’ll shine these up real nice!” [With that, Andre bows out of the room, leaving Jon to shake his head and mutter under his breath.] [We cut to Keg hanging out in the locker-room backstage, surrounded by empty beer cans. As he pops open a fresh one, the Hobo happens into the room with a huge plate of food from catering.]“Did you see the spread they’ve got out there!?!” [Hobo asks Keg excitedly.] “It’s like Thanksgiving at the Jones’s out there!”
[Keg smirks.]“This is all I’m Jones’ing for!” [Says Keg, holding up a beer.] [The Hobo sighs.]
“I’ve been there man…” [The Hobo takes a seat near Keg.] “…but trust me when I say, a’ million beers will never be enough but one will always be too many.”
[Keg doesn’t understand.]“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I’m just saying, you’re never going to be able to control your problem. Trust me. The only way to beat it is to banish it from your life.”
“What are you talking about, ya’ bum!?!” [Keg is clearly starting to get riled up.] “If I’ve got a’ problem, it’s that you won’t let me enjoy my pre-gaming in peace.”
“The first step to beating your addiction is admitting that you have one… but who am I to talk.”
“Yeah, who are you to talk!?! Just some bum who can’t even keep a roof over his own head!”
“Hey! There’s no need to get nasty…”
[Both men are quick to their feet, and both equally careful about not discarding their food or drink in the process. In a blink, they’re in each other’s faces. It looks like they’re about to brawl… until Keg takes a step back and smirks.]“You aren’t worth it, ya’ bum.”
“You aren’t worth it, ya’ drunk!” [The Hobo shouts back.] [And the two are right back in each other’s faces! This thing could blow at any moment… but it doesn’t. The two slowly back off instead, going their separate ways… for now…] [At Ring of Dreams we saw Keg defeat a bear and The Shark swam with his kin. Now they stand in opposite corners, eyes locked, Keg albeit a little unfocused, and ready for battle.] [The Shark charges in at Keg who seems to have some equilibrium and or impairment issues. However, Keg swiftly side steps The Shark and he takes the ring post to the shoulder. Keg takes advantage and hits a Keghandle to the back of the Shark while he’s still in this precarious position between the top and middle rope. Keg pulls The Shark out of the corner, The Shark heavily favoring his shoulder. Keg hits a Hardcore Hangover and stumbles into a sloppy lateral press pin attempt. 1…..2….No! The Sharks lifts his aching shoulder of the mat and rolls to the outside.] [The Shark circles the ring as the count reaches eight, he rolls under the bottom rope to break it and promptly back to the floor. Keg stumbles over to the ropes but The Shark feigning a shoulder injury quickly ascends to the apron and drops Keg throat first across the top rope. Keg snaps backward violently and crashes to the mat as Shark sensing the opportunity swiftly rolls under the bottom rope. Keg rises to one knee trying to meet his opponent head on but is met with a devastating Sushi Kick, following through on the momentum Shark ascends to the top rope and delivers the Shark Dive! 1……2…..NO! Keg forces Shark off of him!] [The Shark once more ascends to the top rope and goes for a double axe handle, but is met on the way down with the Beer Mist! The Shark temporarily blinded is hit with three consecutive Kegbutts, forcing him into the corner. Keg get’s a full head of steam and nails a Kegsplash! The Shark falls to the mat, holding his midsection. Keg slowly and carefully to maintain his balance ascends to the top rope and delivers the Beer Bash diving headbutt into the shoulder of the Shark that was struck by the ring post earlier.] [Keg Signals it’s time for a drink and lifts a lifeless Shark off the canvas. Keg positions The Shark’s head between his legs and lifts him up for the Kegbomb, but The Shark jams his thumb in the eye of Keg. The Sharks lands on his feet and nails an Enziguri, Keg falls face first to the mat and Shark applies the Asylum Special! Keg is forced to tap out! The Shark has redeemed himself from his loss at Ring Of Dreams and is one step closer to the VHS championship!] [The sound of buzzing is heard echoing through the hallway as Matthew Cories has his nose buried in his phone as he navigates the halls of VHS. He opens the door to the locker room when he stops. He looks at his phone in confusion as he looks up. He sees a parrot sitting on a post. The parrot squawks as Cories stops.]
“Odd, I don’t remember seeing you in the original 150 Pokemon. Maybe you’re from a new season! Why aren’t you popping up on my map…”
[Matthew Cories stares at his screen for a moment before it dawning on him.]“D’oh! Of course it’s because you’re a real parrot in our locker room. That seems totally legitimate and not weird at all.”
[The bird squawks in response as if denying the claims of it being weird.]“You don’t think it’s weird, huh? Well, if the research on these last sixteen years have proven anything, it’s that anything can happen. Did you know that Austin Powers had a third movie called Goldmember?!”
[It’s then that the locker room door opens up as Captain Jack enters the room. He walks towards the parrot who leaps up on his shoulder.]“Ay, ye means to do harm to my friend Polly, do ye?”
“No, no! We were just having a little cordial chat. Isn’t that right, Polly is it? Polly want a cracker?”
[Cories laughs to himself, but Jack’s one eye rolls as if having heard it before. The bird squawks in his ear which seems to make Jack angry.]“Whatever he’s telling you, it’s a lie.” [Cories quickly smiles as he tries to cover.]
“Ay, what are ye doin’ in the captain’s chambers? If ye don’t leave soon, you will be walkin’ the plank!”
[Jack raises his hooked hand into the air as Cories looks confused. He looks around at the only dressing room in the entire arena.]“Are you sure? I’m pretty sure this is…”
“OUT BEFORE I COME OFF WITH YER HEAD!”
“Okay, okay, I’m out!”
[Captain Jack takes a step closer, but Cories is out of the room. Captain Jack takes a seat as Polly squawks in his ear.]“Ay, he’ll be payin’ for trespassin’ on Captain’s Jack vessel.”
[Jon Davenport paces barefoot at Gorilla, moments away from his match. He chews a little too eagerly, looking agitated.]“Where the hell is that boy with my boots!? He’s fixin’ ta get himself a date with the Georgia Crawfish…”
“Hey, I’m here!” [Andre Aquarius jogs down the corridor towards Davenport.] “Phew. Sorry for the wait, bruh bruh.”
“Got my boots?” [Jon grunts, sitting down on a steel chair.] [Prince Lightskin chuckles and takes out Jon’s gleaming boots from behind his back. They look brand-new, but Jon himself signs off on their authenticity.]
“Good job, boy. I—hell is that smell!?”
“It’s that stankass roadie over there.” [Andre nods at an oblivious crew member hauling road cases around.] “Good luck out there, Dankenport!”
[Andre slaps Jon on the back and scurries away.]“Danken-what?” [Jon mithers as he pulls his boots halfway, then jumps up to force them on.]
Squelch
[The colour drains from Jon’s face as comprehension immediately dawns on him. Andre shined his boots, alright… then defecated in them! Before Jon can do anything about it, John Denver’s “Thank God I’m a Country Boy!” starts playing. Jon punches the wall in anger, with no choice but to make his entrance and wrestle in this state!] [Pig looks like he’s ready to tear something apart, he’s got a lot of anger to get out after all. Jon is shifting uncomfortably in his boots, though he can’t figure out why.] [The bell rings as Pig charges out of the corner, tackling Davenport to the mat and fires off punch after punch to Davenport’s face – the ref calls him off – Pig lifts Davenport to his feet, hooks his head and sends him crashing to the mat with a devastating DDT. Early Cover ONE…Kickout! from Davenport.] [Davenport gets back to his feet, reclaiming his bearings. Pig charges, but Davenport counters it into an Arm drag – Davenport raises his leg and SMASHES PIG’S FACE INTO THE MAT – he picks him up – BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX! He’s got Pig down, he’s climbing to the BOTTOM ROPE! – MUD FLOP! Pig is out! Davenport pulls him but the hair, but stumbles, like he’s sliding on lumpy Nutella in his boots. Pig takes advantage of the slip and lifts him up – THE GREAT DESTROYER! OUT OF NOWHERE! Pig is in complete control right now.] [Pig grabs Davenport’s skull and drives it into his knee once, twice, the third time he gives him Davenport a European Uppercut – he goes in for the kill but Davenport fires back with a well timed kick to Pig’s midsection. He starts hammering away, firing off punch after punch, like a man ready to end this. HE GOES FOR THE GEORG-NO! PIG COUNTERS AND LIFTS HIM FOR ANOTHER DESTROYER- this is it for Davenport! – NO!, Davenport takes out Pig’s knee- he’s down – GEORGIA CRAWFISH! THIS IS IT! PIG TAPS!] [The ref raises Davenport’s hand, a first victory on a debut show. He takes off one of his boots and almost hurls as he runs backstage.]“Oink, oink!”
[The sound of a Pig can be heard backstage, but not in the fashion we’re used to. As the camera opens up, we see The Shark with a lead, walking his new ‘pet’ down the halls.]“I wonder if little piggies can swim?” [Shark says entering the shower section of the backstage area.] “I love myself a little floating buffet.”
[He walks towards a large barrel with a shower head filling it to the brim. He’s obviously been here before, setting this up. Shark reaches down and grabs the small pig, dangling it over the water.]“I think it’s time you took a long walk off a short pier, my meaty little friend.”
[Shark viciously drops it in the water, ignoring its squeals and cries for help. He sadistically watches as it squirms, licking his lips.]“I think I’ll have you raw.”
[Suddenly the pig’s hooves start splashing and it starts to swim. It actually stays afloat. The Shark’s face goes from excitement to disappointment.]“Aw, I guess I’m going to have to eat you the old fashioned way.”
[The Shark pulls the pig from the barrel and puts it on the floor, watching as it meanders about. As it turns around, the pig wasn’t squealing out of hatred, but enjoyment. He slaps the lead back on it and smiles.]“It’s gonna be a blood bath.”
[The scene comes to a close with Shark walking his pig out of the showers and back into the hall way. What does this sadistic fuck have in mind?] [Chase waits in the ring as Matthew Cories comes down the ramp, the crowd exploding for the returning hero. Cories slaps hands with the fans before rolling into the ring and hyping up the crowd on the middle rope.] [The bell rings as Cories reaches out for a handshake to Hero. Chase reaches out cautiously to take it as Cories rears back with the classic fakeout, flashing the crowd a cheesy grin as he turns back to a massive knee to the gut before Hero lifts him up, trying for an early Hero’s Duty but Cories manages to slip down Chase’s back, delivering a hard facebuster as he turns around. Cories backs up, bouncing off the ropes with a Bicycle Kick but Chase ducks under, grabbing Cories from behind before dropping him to the canvas with a Reverse DDT] [Chase pulls Cories to his feet, punishing him with hard knees to the gut before trying for a Piledriver. He can’t lift Cories up however, as Matty backdrops him over his head and as Chase gets to his feet, he’s clipped with a Bicycle Kick. Cories doesn’t cover, instead walking over to the corner and patiently waiting for Chase to get up to his feet and as Hero slowly gets up, Matty rushes forward, nearly decapitating him with a massive superkick before quickly rushing up to the top rope, SWANTON KAPOW-SKI! Cories stays on top of Hero, quickly hooking the leg for the cover] [ONE…TWO…KICKOUT! Matty calls for the end as he slowly picks Hero up only to be pushed away, TALK TO THE BOOT! A Superkick of his own as Chase now calls for the end, pulling Cories up to his feet, delivering a hard knee to the gut before lifting him up high, HERO’S DUTY! That Burning Hammer hit incredibly hard as Cories has to be knocked out, Chase quickly covering for the victory. ONE…TWO…THREE!!!] [The crowd slightly boo the decision, not wanting to see their favorite lose but Chase doesn’t care, as he celebrates his victory, allowing the referee to raise his hand before he rolls out of the ring, heading to the back as he moves forward into the second round of the VHS title tournament] [The sound is horrific.] [It’s like something out of a horror movie.] [The squeals and cries, the slashing sounds, the maniacal laughter, it echoes throughout the halls.] [So when the camera approaches the locker room of Pig and pushes the door open just an inch, what we see inside turns our stomach.] [There’s blood everywhere.] [What’s left of Shark’s pet pig has been strewn about the locker room, innards in every direction. Blood splatter is up against the walls, the floor, the ceiling as Shark sits in the middle, digging inside his once pet.] [That’s when Pig walks in.] [He stops, looks around and stands completely still.]“Ohh little Piggy, I tried to wait for you but I felt a little peckish. There’s still some left if you fancy a bite?”
[Pig kneels down, grabbing a handful of guts, watching as they slip through his fingers.]“I had to see how easy it was to kill something like you. That’s what I do at the top of the food chain, I kill, I feast, I rip apart the flesh of things like you. I can tell you, it was easier than I hoped.”
[Pig suddenly snaps. He lunges forward with a knee to the side of Shark’s head that bounces him backwards. The Animal lunges onto him, squealing as he punches the holy shit out of Axel in the middle of his bloodied locker room.] [When he’s finally finished, he stands up, blood dripping from his hands and splattered against his torso.]“Oink oink.”
[The inaugural main event of the VHS Era is underway as veteran hero Ash Williams goes toe to toe with newcomer Nyx.] [Collar and elbow tie up starts the fray. Ash pushes Nyx against the ropes and finally into the corner. Ash with a knife edge chop to the chest. Nyx retaliates and flips Ash into the corner, connecting with a knife edge chop of his own. But Ash collects himself and flips Nyx back into the corner, this time connecting with two stiff forearm shots to the face. Ash whips Nyx across the ring… Nyx has it scouted and hops onto the second rope and seats himself on the top turnbuckle. Ash comes charging in but Nyx gets a boot up to the chin sending Williams staggering back.] [Nyx leaps for a HURRICANRAN– wait… Ash is holding tight. Ash SWINGS NYX INTO THE TOP TURNBUCKLE!!! GOOD GOD!!! Nyx crumbles to the mat. Ash pulls Nyx away from the corner and goes for a cover, one…… two…………. Nyx gets a shoulder up! Ash with a brutal stomp to the face and another to Nyx’s midsection. Ash leaps for a fist drop but Nyx rolls out of the way and to his feet. Nyx for a kick but Ash catches it and flips Nyx back who lands on his feet. STANDING ENZIGURI to Ash who falls to the mat and Nyx covers, one…… two……… Ash kicks out!!] [Ash pulls Nyx to his feet and hooks him for a pedigree but Nyx pulls away. Quick kick to the hamstring from Nyx sends Ash to his knees… ASHES TO ASHES!! SUPERKICK to the head sends Ash to his back. Back handspring for DUST TO DU– Ash rolls out of the way… Ash to his feet for a BOOM STI– Nyx evades it!! Back kick to the midsection… Nyx hooks the head and lunges forward… OATH OF NYX!!! HEADLOCK DRIVER!!! Nyx hooks the leg, one…… two……… three!!!!] [Nyx scores a crucial win in the VHS Championship tournament but not without the battle of his life with Ash Williams.] [After that phenomenal Main Event, the crowd are going wild. Ash Williams gets back to his feet and is shortly joined inside the ring by his protege Chase Hero. The duo are met with cheers for their Ring of Dreams performance, both of whom smiling to the crowd – though Ash is feeling it after his match. Ash takes the mic and turns to Chase.]“You know, Chase. When we met, we got off on the wrong foot. Hell, we didn’t win the titles at Ring of Dreams. But you proved to me you have what it takes to be a hero.”
[Chase Smirks, waiting for the crowd to die down a bit as he turns to Ash.]“And I admit, you showed me you’re not as old as I thought. But I have to admit, Ring of Dreams could have gone better.”
[Ash Shrugs] “That’s true. But we’re still standing, and we can STILL open cans of whoop-ass all up and down VHS!” [Chase nods, but his smirk slowly leaves his face.]“Well, you see, that’s the thing. I should have won those titles, and personally? I think your can opener was a bit broken at Ring of Dreams because the only asses that got whooped were ours.”
[Ash cocks his head to the side a bit, surprised by the shift in tone.]“What’re you saying?”
[Chase looks away from Ash, shrugging.]“Well, you didn’t break the pin on me, and you just let them send beat on me without even trying to stop them.”
“Listen, Chase-” [TALK TO THE BOOT! CHASE LEVELS ASH WITH A DEVASTATING SUPER KICK] [Chase leans over Ash, shaking his head.]
“I wasn’t done talking. Ash, as far as I’m concerned, in VHS, there’s only room for one hero around here, and that’s me.”
[The crowd erupts in a chorus of boos as Hero leaves his former partner in the ring, leaving to head backstage.] [After that amazing VHS Main Event, we head to the parking lot backstage where Betamax, still suited in red, stands next to a red Porsche, looking ever the douchebag.] [He opens the door and grabs a duffel bag, unzipping it to reveal the VHS Championship. It’s pretty in its pink and purple and sparkles at the camera with such a shine that even Betamax has to grin.] [Only, Betamax isn’t alone.] [From the darkness, running through the night comes a man wearing all black. He snatches the duffel bag in one quick motion and runs back into the night, leaving our Commissioner with a mouth full of blasphemy.]“What the fuck!? What the fuck!? What the actual fuck!?”
[Stood there like a spare at a wedding, he turns around to check in anyone saw that, registering that the camera was unfortunately on him this entire time. He gulps.]“Hah,” [he says, as if he knew this was going to happen all along.] “Those kids and their hijinx!”
[If it wasn’t for that mask, you’d swear he was red faced. He suddenly turns and runs in the same direction as the person who stole it, screaming at them.]“Give me back my title! Do you hear me, you rapscallion! Give me back my bloody Championship!”
[VHS goes off the air with the sight of our Commissioner running down a Las Vegas street in pursuit of whoever just stole our VHS Championship.] [Static.]