These Boots Are Made For Hiking

In Promo by Vigour

When I first arrived here, my host put me up in a typical human spare bedroom. A nice comfortable bed. A small TV in the corner. Bookshelves containing the books, DVDs and CDs he had managed to build up during his life. A time capsule room, almost.

It’s fucking funny because most civilisations don’t keep physical art in the same way, so I found it quaint that this planet did.

But anyway one of the days not long after I arrived, I found myself bored and turned to these bookshelves for comfort. And what did I find?

Terry fucking Pratchett.

What a fucking God this guy is. It’s like he took a look at humans from a high perch and just understood them on this deeper level. It wouldn’t surprise me if he was from an alien planet too or some shit.

And the book that caught my eye was ‘Men At Arms’. In the book Captain Sam Vimes muses about socioeconomics. Now I had to fucking Google that shit to even know what it meant and it’s something about fairness of being rich or poor or something.


What I found in the same chunk of text hit me just as hard.

Vimes says that the reason that the rich were so rich was because they actually managed to spend less money. He spoke about earning $38 per month and a good pair of boots costing $50. That meant he could only afford the $10 boots. But these boots, even though they were more affordable, only lasted a year or so at most, whereas the $50 pair would last for a decade. At the end of that decade the poor man would actually have spent nearly twice as much on the boots he bought than the rich man spent.

But if you ignore the fucking moaning about money – consider this instead.

You get the better boots and you save yourself the time and effort of constantly searching for new ones. I couldn’t give a fuck about paper with numbers on it but my time is fucking precious and the more time I have to enjoy myself the better.

So that’s exactly what I did. I got myself a big ol’ pair of hiking boots, spikes on the bottom and everything. I had them perfectly measured to fit my alien immigrant feet. I picked the fucking perfect colour and when I tied those laces I knew this was it.

These boots were for life. I could do anything with these boots with no effort needed. And that’s all you really need to conquer a mountain, no matter how big and scary it might look from the bottom. After all what even the fuck is a mountain? It’s just a pile of muddy shit that people couldn’t be bothered to deal with.

Fuck that.

These boots are made for hiking, so that’s just what I’ll do.

And Banzan this week these boots are gonna walk all over you.