I never had no fucking toy box.
I was never allowed nothing to play with, you know. It was all part of Their plan, you know, up there along with “treat them mean, keep them keen”, was “start them young”.
And so from practically birth we were stripped of everything that made us unique. Anything that gave us joy. And we became grey, just like the rooms we lived in, the skies we lived under, and the monotony we lived through.
But sometimes, like a magpie, I saw a sparkle. A glimmer of hope. Something to hold on to when the grey became too much. You’d find a piece of the Old World. A scrap of a candy wrapper. A girls neon hair bobble.
Real. Life. Colour.
But of course They would not allow us to hold that hope in our hearts for long. So when we found these remnants of a time gone past, we hid them. We found the deepest, darkest places we knew of, and we hid them behind layers of camouflage.
That hiding place became my toy box. I would go there when I was down and depressed. When I felt like there was nothing to live for, play with the relics, and it would remind me of what I was fighting against. Why They needed to be beaten.
My toy box was nothing like the fabled toy box I hear people talk about in OSW. When I got here they said “BOY, have you seen SeeSaw’s toy box!? It’s a rip-roaring time!”
I can see that they were telling the truth. It sure looks like SeeSaw has had some fun in his toy box. Too much fucking fun, if you ask me.
I’ve seen the scarlet blood that’s painted the floors of that place. I’ve seen the mangled toys he’s made from those who have crossed him. But I feel sorry. What can I say, I’m a sucker for a sob story.
Because the truth is that Andrew Fish is just like me. He’s built this façade but his hacking shack isn’t the real toy box. The real toy box is his mind.
Isn’t it?
The place he goes to hide when everything becomes too much. The place he hides the remnants of a better past away from those who seek to destroy him now.
The difference is, when They came looking for my hiding place, they found nothing. The toy box had been dismantled and destroyed. The strength to fight is built into me. I don’t need no fucking trash to remind me.
But SeeSaw? He’s a fruit scone short of high tea, and those fragments of the old Andy are all that keeps him going. And that’s gonna get him in BIG trouble when They find him.
Fuck me, Andy. Forget about your fragments of the past, look at your fucking wardrobe choices. I think you’re already dead. As soon as They walk in the door.
Pop. Pop. Slump.
Oops.