The Number One

In Promo by Ether

“After spending all day fucking shit up and making people our bitches, we go out to eat at whatever fast food place is nearby.”

“Usually it’s a McDonalds or some other burger joint we end up stopping by. While we’re there, we always order the same iconic trio; a burger, fries, and a soda.”

“It’s America’s favorite go to meal while on the go. They’ve become a staple of a typical American diet and nobody could do a fucking thing to stop their rise to the top.”

“You have the strong umami taste of the burger Its savory, tender patty melting in your mouth while you chew and ascend to nirvana.”

“You have the salty kick of the fries to bring it up a notch. Its crunchy, starchy goodness elevating your experience to new heights as you instinctively reach for five more to pop in your mouth.”

“Lastly, you have the drink to wash it all down and begin the cycle anew. The sweet and sugary beverage giving you the enough pep to keep you from devouring the whole thing in your sleep.”

“This combination has to be perfect. If one thing is just slightly off, the whole meal might as well be ruined.”

“Seven teams enter Triosmania thinking that they’re the greatest combo since the burger, fries, and soda. All of them are willing to show off their cohesion and perfect tastes through combat.”

“You have the Rainbow Party trying to get your attention through their colorful appearance and bubbly personalities. Their flavor, although quite overpowering, is as complimentary as peanut butter and chocolate combined.”

“You have Vayikra bringing a heavenly delight to your taste buds the moment you take a bite. They might come off strong with their crusade against other combo meals, but they work so well together that you don’t really mind.”

“You even have Bad Motherfuckers, who are as close to one another as a combo can get. Not only do they work well as a unit, they also taste great together too.”

“All three of these established teams, plus four oddball pairings that nobody saw coming, believe that they’re the perfect team. They all believe that they can grace your tongue and become the greatest thing since burgers, fries, and coke.”

“However, it won’t matter to Jet Set Radio. No matter how well all seven of those teams work together, we’re ultimately going to walk out of this tourney the winners.”

“While they’re all trying to become the next combo meal of OSW, me, Tag, and Wiz will be waiting behind the counter, getting ready to chow down on each and every one of them.”

“You see, while it’s nice and good to be a combo meal, they’re all destined to be eaten in the end. Jet Set Radio doesn’t get eaten.”

“We do the eating.”

“At Triosmania, we’re going to devour anyone and everyone that comes in our way, regardless of how perfect they think they are. We’re a hungry group, and a hungry group’s got to eat!”