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The ASS Crusader

The ASS Crusader

This young, college-aged fellow would go around and knock on the door of every house, bible in hand, elated to share his love for his God.

And like clockwork, at 5-o-clock he would come knocking on STARBOY’s door.

STARBOY would politely decline, but the young man was determined to share the word of the Lord.

One Summer afternoon, at five-on-the-dot, there he was again.

STARBOY decided to let him in, and he went on telling passages from his bible asking if he would like to come bible study.

His eyes wandered, a bit curious, and when questioned if there was something more to today’s visit he simply answered:

“There’s something about you, that I just can’t put my finger on.”

So STARBOY grabbed the young man by the hand, leading him to his private quarters and let him put his curiosity all over it as he sang songs and praises to his Lord and savior…

“Oh God!”
“Jesus Christ!”
“OH MY GOD!”

He came knocking at STARBOY’s front door looking to spread the Word of the Lord.

But in the end, it was STARBOY knocking on his backdoor and spreading his love all over his face.

Many people have come knocking on the door of OSW to spread their beliefs and ideals to those who would open their door and let them in.

STARBOY isn’t afraid to let anyone through his many doors.

And that includes you Sir Renault.

Much of your adult life, your livelihood has been dedicated to finding the holy grail.

Through trials and tribulations, you have continued to do God’s work.

But what you have search high and low for, is now in front of your very eyes.

The holy RAIL.

The path to the holy RAIL is to come over to STARBOY’s place of worship and you will find everything that you have been searching for.

He will have you flying sky-high into the pearly necklace gates of heaven.

He will have you screaming your God’s name over and over again.

A little sin never hurt nobody, so why don’t you let STARBOY put it in and let’s sin together?

Let STARBOY trace that lovely cross on your mask with his LOVEstick.

And while you say a prayer in front of STARBOY, he’ll keep track by pulling a rosary bead out of your hole most-glorious for every hail mary, glory be, and maybe we’ll explore and discover each of the five mysteries.

So why don’t you come over and knock on STARBOY’s door?

He’ll gladly open it and hear what it is you have to say.

But just like that young man on an evangelical mission to spread the word of the Lord to the masses…

STARBOY is here to spread his love on the asses of the masses.

You’re a missionary on a mission but let STARBOY introduce you to his favorite position.

Before long, STARBOY will be knocking on your backdoor.

And baptize you in his holy water.

You may be The Last Crusader, but STARBOY is The Ass Crusader.

And he’s here to FUCK you, and then the WORLD.

STARBOY’s cumming for you…

And he ALWAYS cums.