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The Advert

[A news paper in hand, I’m reading the advertisements.]

[Felix Foley] “Ah ha!” [I almost jump for joy.] “I’ve found it!”

[Doom folds his arms.]

[DOOM] “Do you really think this is necessary?” [He complains. He’s always complaining, isn’t he?] “We may have lost our Tag Team Championships to those absolute peasants, but I don’t think we need this. This seems extreme.”

[Felix Foley] “I’ve watched you pull a man’s fingernails off because he didn’t put enough sugar in your tea, good buddy.”

[Doom shrugs.]

[DOOM] “At least I only pulled them off, Felix. Tucker Goode may have pulled that man off and who knows how much he’d have liked that?”

[Felix Foley] “I don’t get it?”

[DOOM] “Nevermind, you imbecile. Listen, I don’t think we need help to be a better tag team than one man who lies to his partner about his sexuality and another who pretends it didn’t happen. What kind of a team does that? Sebastian Boswick is far more concerned with his perception than his partner being a hypocrite.”

[Felix Foley] “They beat us, Doom!” [I yell at him a little too loudly. He grunts. I concede in fear.] “I mean… we’re not the Champions, are we? They’ve defended those belts twice since they beat us. We couldn’t even defend them once!”

[He’s getting a little frustrated. I shouldn’t push but I know this is the right thing to do.]

[Felix Foley] “All I want is for us to become Tag Team Champions again. To do that, we have to work together as a team. We have to be the best versions of ourselves. Do you really want those idiots as the champions when we could be?”

[Doom thinks about it.]

[DOOM] “Fine. Let’s do this your way.”

[YAY!]

[Act like it hasn’t made your day, Felix.]

[Felix Foley] “Alright, that’s cool. Cool. Let’s do that then. Cool.”

[Too much.]

[Felix Foley] “We need to go to this address, okay? The advert says that they provide the best tag teaming in the business. If we want to be the best team in OSW, we need to learn how to harness our amazing friendship and be better for it. No-one is closer than us, Stubs. No-one!

[DOOM] “Very well.” [He’s reluctant, I can tell.] “But if you call me Stubs again, I’m going to glue your lips shut.”

[Gulp.]

[Felix Foley] “Not a problem, good buddy.”

[Three hours later and we’re stood outside a non-descript house in Agora, awaiting to bet let in. Doom doesn’t seem happy to be here, but I know this is best for the Besties.]

[Felix Foley] “All we have to do is whatever they tell us to do, okay?” [I assure him like a good friend.] “Go in with an open mind and come out as the best tag team in the whole of professional wrestling!”

[DOOM] “This had better work, Foley. Whilst we’re waiting, show me that god forsaken advert, will you?”

[I reluctantly hand over the newspaper.]

[DOOM] “What do these anacronyms stand for?” [Doom questions. I look, shrugging my shoulders.] “I’ve never heard of any of them, especially that one.”

[The door opens.]

[Felix Foley] “Relax good buddy, let’s go be a tag team!”

[To be continued…]

Felix Foley