Pistol Pete: Mountains

In Felix Foley, Promo by Felix Foley

Felix Foley: “Welcome one and all to the Foley Funhouse!

Felix Foley: “Unfortunately, the unusual events last week at Clash has left me feeling a little… under the weather.”

Pistol Pete: “So Pistol Pete be takin’ the fuck over.”

Felix Foley: “Everyone, please allow me to introduce your host for today’s talk; Pistol Pete.”

Pistol Pete: “Pistol Pete has fucked a lot of bitches in his time, lemme tell you. He’s had em in all shapes and fuckin’ sizes. He’s had lil tiny cunts, and big fuck off broads.”

Pistol Pete: “He’s fucked hoes.”

Pistol Pete: “He’s fucked MILF’s.”

Pistol Pete: “He’s fucked GILF’s”

Pistol Pete: “He’s probably fucked your mom.”

Pistol Pete: “But Pistol Pete’s favorite bitches to fuck are those big fat cunts with more rolls than a bakery. You know the one’s, right? Those big ol’ bitches with titties swangin’ round by their knees and the big ol’ plump front butt.”

Pistol Pete: “You know, like your mom.”

Pistol Pete: “Pistol Pete call them bitches mountains.”

Pistol Pete: “Cause he ain’t ever had more fun than when he’s fuckin’ one.”

Pistol Pete: “But there’s a challenge to fuckin’ one of these cunts. You don’t just hop on cause the jiggle will bounce you right the fuck off. Even if you forget about getting it in, you gotta saddle up first. There’s no point in even thinkin’ about climbin’ on top. One avalanche of moisture and you’re gonna slide right off. One jiggle in the wrong direction and you’ll find yourself in a tumble. You gotta start your climb at the bottom…”

Pistol Pete: “Or from behind, however the fuck you wanna say it.”

Pistol Pete: “Pistol Pete likes his mountains like he likes his beer… wet, frosty and with a big brown opening. See, whilst most of you stupid fucks think climbin’ the mountain is the best way to fuck it, Pistol Pete knows better.”

Pistol Pete: “Pistol Pete knows that if you wanna fuck that mountain, you need a fuck hole and there’s no better fuck hole on a fat bitch than her asshole.”

Pistol Pete: “It’s big, brown and you ain’t missing that mother fucker when you’re gettin’ the big brown eye pointed in your direction. If you tackle that shit from behind, the worst you might get is a brown dick and some pink eye. You ain’t gonna tumble, that’s for damn fuckin’ sure.”

Pistol Pete: “Felix said he’s got a mountain to climb this week.”

Pistol Pete: “What he really means is that he’s got a bitch to fuck.”

Pistol Pete: “Pistol Pete thinks the rest of you mother fuckers are gonna concern yourselves with climbin’ a mountain whilst my boy here is gonna go right for the fuckin’ asshole, compliments of Pistol fuckin’ Pete.”

Pistol Pete: “And if I don’t see him next week with a good dose of pink eye and stink dick, I’ll know he ain’t tried to fuck the mountain, he tried to climb it.”

Pistol Pete: “That’ll make him one dumb mother fucker.”

Pistol Pete: “Yo, you hear that Fucky?”

Felix Foley: “I’m sorry Pistol Pete, I was miles away. Did I miss your talk?”

Pistol Pete: “Yeah yeah, you heard me. Just give em your Foley Thought and fuck off.”

Felix Foley: “So, there you have it, kids.”

Pistol Pete: “Kids? Fuck.”

Felix Foley: “Most people concern themselves with climbing mountains; but the bigger the mountain, the more dangerous they are. Sometimes it’s better to find another way. You don’t have to climb the mountain to beat it.”

Pistol Pete: “Yeah, that ain’t what Pistol Pete said.”