Out in the wilds of Arcadia, there were times when I felt that my life would end. And even when it become clear that I had escaped once more by the skin of my teeth, it felt like I’d never feel good again. Like I was forever cursed to feel the effects of my efforts.
I came to a small populated village, designated level 1929. There, a young girl approached me. They say that children have the keenest minds, and she sure as hell knew somethin’ was wrong with me. She came over to me and said “You look sad, mister, like forever sad.” I didnt respond straight away, so she said: “Here. I have something that will help.”.
She produced somethin’ from her pocket. It was a candy bar. Faded, and long out of date, I almost gave the girl the bar back, but she said “Trust me.” So I did.
I ate that candy bar like it was the only food on earth. And it was like fuckin’ heaven. Each bite was a little piece of heaven explodin’ in my mouth.
“What is this?” I asked her, studyin’ the wrapper.
“That’s an O’Toole’s Teddy Bear,” she said. “We can’t afford the new ones, so we get these old ones.”
That night, as I was restin’ up, content, I suddenly felt a twinge.
I did not manage another second of rest, as the contents of that candy bar vacated me in the fastest way known to man, via a toilet.
That situation reminds me of when I eventually met the great man himself. On first glance, you’re unsure, but you throw caution to the wind and try a bite. Once you have one bite you’re drawn in by his infectious nature. Against your better judgement you get more and more involved, and you feel content with what you’re doin’. Satisfied at the mission at hand.
That is, until you feel that little twinge of doubt. When you notice somethin’ is off. And then it all comes floodin’ out. The shit that he is going to put me through for the sake of a piece of paper is not worth the short taste of heaven I thought I might find from the credits he plys me with.
O’Toole, where once you were shiny and new, all I see before me is the battered, old, past it’s sell by date version of a man who does not know when to call it quits. You’ve clearly been around for too long, and melted inside that head of yours just like a Teddy Bear in the light for too long.
But I’ve been burned before, and now I know much better. I won’t succumb to the lure of a quick pay-off any more. Not when I know that all it will do is keep me up all night and leave me feelin’ hollow, empty and sick the next mornin’.
You are full of shit, Teddy, but after my experience with you, I have no shits left to give.