Monster Inside

In Promo by Jensen Cussen

I close my eyes and I’m a terrified child, shaking uncontrollably as I try to hide from the monster screaming out my name.

Crying in painful tears of his regrets, his jealous rage of all those who passed him by and the mediocre skills that leave him being a house husband as he scorns the child who took away everything.

And then the door explodes upon, my breath cut short in my throat and the last thing I remember before I’m dragged out violently is those fucking eyes.

Because even the most vile and broken horror that hell itself could conjure doesn’t compare to those eyes.

When I was alive, I used to make believe the demon made him evil. That there was a good and pure man before he sold his soul but that was a lie,

Because my father was always a monster, he just hid it from everyone but me.

A kid terrified of the darkness, not for the boogieman that lay beneath his bed but for the demon with sickening breath that would stumble into his room full of piss and vinegar.

The knuckles that would bruise flesh, the wood that would draw blood and the words that would carve into my soul.

But the worst of it all was what happened in the light. How I hid the scars, brushed off the bruises as child-like accidents and kept that side of him from the world.

All for the brief glimpses of the good father, the good man I fantasized he was.

And maybe if I’d whispered the truth, he wouldn’t have been able to hurt them all when the mask wouldn’t fit anymore.

So I swore I’d spend my life ripping the masks of monsters even if the world thought me as a demon instead.

I drew the venom from the rattlesnake, bankrupted the billionaire, and permanently blinded the savior.

And Banzan, from the first moment I saw you, I knew you were just like the rest.

Hiding behind the lies of tranquility and peace, a rumbling ocean of depravity brewing inside with each setback and failure.

Until the moment of broken love when a young girl begged for your help.

And you came within inches of choking her to death for your failures.

The world may have forgotten Banzan but I never did, a hypocritical coward hiding behind a facade of purity.

As the spikes of anger that fuel your soul are forgiven as moments you were pushed to the limit.

When in reality, they were glimpses of who you truly are.

Before I was limited, the crow was only allowed to scale the mountain.

But my wings are now torn, along with my limits and I’m not here to climb to your peak.

I’m here to bring it the fuck down and crush the mountain into dust.

Revealing the broken coward fuelled by anger and failure.

When I am done Banzan and the world recognises the monster in monks clothing, peace will forever be a lie passing your lips.

As Vengeance shall be all you ever know again.