“There was a restaurant I used to go to called The Facts of Knife or some shit like that.”
“I’ll be the first to tell you that place fucking blew chunks. The food was terrible, like the kind of dogshit you’d get from a Burger King in the ghetto.”
“Here’s the thing though, the people going there? They didn’t realize that it tasted like shit. They’d walk in, eyes wide, and stare at all the eighties memorabilia on the wall. They allow the nostalgia to distract them from the slop in front of them.”
“Hate to burst their fucking bubbles, but the eighties doesn’t make for a good restaurant, let alone delicious food. It’s just an out of date era that forty to fifty year old geezers look back on with rose tinted glasses.”
“It might seem appealing on the surface level, but once you really dig underneath it, you’ll find out that it’s nothing but undercooked trash that deserves to be left to rot.”
“The Generation Kid reminds me a lot of that terrible restaurant. He’s decked out in eighties fashion and carries around eighties memorabilia like it’s going out of style, which it has for a long fucking time.”
“He’s fucking obsessed with that bygone decade. So much so that I think he still believes we’re living in the eighties.”
“Despite his delusions, middle aged losers flock to him like he’s the second coming of Christ himself. They look at him and see a young kid embracing everything that made their era great.”
“However, they’re only looking at the surface level of TGK. They aren’t or don’t want to dig deeper to see the ugly truth. That he’s a sloppy, undercooked piece of trash that belongs with the rest of the filth from the eighties.”
“I see you for what you really are, Kid. Behind that colorful exterior is a sloppy, underdeveloped mess of a fighter that hides his flaws with a nostalgic aesthetic and hopes that nobody notices.”
“Well I’ve noticed your flaws. I see the inexperienced and frightened little boy hiding underneath that old fashioned getup. And I’m willing to exploit that every fucking chance I get in that ring.”
“See, me and Tag? We’re the modern styled restaurant that put that bygone piece of shit out of business. We look new and we have a vibe that’s simply exciting.”
“And we definitely aren’t trying to fuck the world with a hoverboard or a cheesy throwback.”
“Want to know why?”
“Because we simply tell it like it is. We don’t sugarcoat shit like your Rainbow Party fuckbuddies do.”
“At Fuck the World two sixty eight, I’m going to lead your ass to a new era. You’re going to learn just what the world has become and see exactly what it can be if you’re not trapped in the past.”
“Now sit the fuck down, shut the fuck up, and chow the fuck down.”
“Because it’s about time that you eat this defeat.”