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Lawnmower

Lawnmower

“Imagine one big mother fuckin’ field.”

“That shit is overgrown as fuck.”

“There’s giant fuckin’ weeds growin’ all over the place, the odd beautiful flower and there’s a dipshit ‘thinker’ stood beyond it with a group of cunts, tryin’ to figure out how best to deal with the problem.”

“There’s broken down machinery, brutally ripped apart, there’s even some stupid mother fucker with a net, tryin’ to catch himself a rabbit.”

“And there’s a whole bunch of fuckin’ snakes slithering through the fuckin’ grass like spineless cunts.”

“The thinker might’ve had a chance at sortin’ it out, ‘cept that stupid mother fucker didn’t realize that one of his crew fancied himself a snake and joined in the grass with the rest of the pricks.”

“So, now we got this giant fuckin’ field that no bastard wants to enter for fear of gettin’ bitten. There’s too many snakes and no way of gettin’ rid of em.”

Enter Zero.”

“See, I ain’t a thinker. I ain’t Simon and his dopey crew of stupid cunts, stood on the outside, thinkin’ about how I might make it into the field and clear it out. Havin’ said that, I ain’t fuckin’ dumb enough to lose track of one of my crew, only to realize they’ve joined in with the snakes like Wiz has.”

“I ain’t the weeds, either. I’m not silly cunts like Lucy Seraphina, wiltin’ in the sunshine, surrounded by pretty flowers like Pyre – hopin’ and dreamin’ to one day turn into something beautiful.”

“I’m definitely not broken down machinery like Tenchu, ripped apart and left to rot wherever he fell in the god damn fuckin’ grass.”

“And you can bet your fuckin’ ass I ain’t Chip Montana, runnin’ around the field with a net, tryin’ to catch myself a snake, rabbit or any other fuckin’ thing lurking in this field.”

“What you ain’t get, Viper, is that I ain’t afraid of a little snake bite.”

“And I ain’t stupid enough to step in the field without a little back-up either. You might have everyone else scared to enter the grass, but not me, mother fucker.”

“Cause I’m stood right there at the entrance with a fuckin’ lawn mower and I’m gonna cut it all fuckin’ down if I have to.”

“I’mma cut down the weeds.”

“I’ll even rip through the fuckin’ beautiful flowers of my fiancé if I have to.”

“Guys like Simon? Those cunts will think themselves into their very own six foot grave, right in that field.”

“And you? You and your precious snakes?”

“You’ll meet the blades of my lawnmower.”

“I might be steppin’ into that field in sneakers.”

“But you can bet your fuckin’ ass that I’m walkin’ out in snake skin shoes.”

“No-one else wants to fuck around and find out, Vipe.”

“But I will.”