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Keys to the House

A man has the right to protect his home no matter what the case.

Like the wonderful place we call Arcadia and the hallowed halls of Olympus, there is a certain duty to keep it clean and unpenetrated by the dirty, veiny girth of an unwanted intruder.

But, I hear you ask, how do we insure that our home is untouched and undisturbed? The answer is simple. Much like a chastity cage keeps your penis from becoming sinfully hard at the thought of premarital copulation, the house should have a lock to keep it nice and secure no matter the case!

Whereas a cage or lock has a set of wonderful keys, does Olympus have a thing we call titles. Those who hold onto these lovely golden belts are the ones who are trusted with keeping Olympus in order! Those titles are the keys to Olympus, the keys to her unmentionables that must be kept so safe.

And with this said, it isn’t shocking that vandals and wild animals would want the keys to our house. Going out of their way to snatch them from the rightful owners so they can let themselves in as they please to drag mud upon the carpet or upturn the furniture for their own sick enjoyment.

You see, myself and Mr. Boswick have had our keys snatched from our pockets against our wills. We and the ACA live to keep our home well kept. Chaste and decent as it should be.”

Yet, we have two groups of would be intruders wanting to ruin all we’ve done to make Arcadia so presentable.

The likes of Apokalypsis are perhaps the more deplorable of the two. They wish for these keys not to make the house their home, but to make it their personal play place. With the titles they would push through the wonderful decorum, drawing profanities on the walls, breaking pictures, and turning the once beautiful home into a monument of sin and debauchery for no reason other than their own impure enjoyment.

Then those disgusting mongrels of the Kingdom with their dirty paws and disgusting wins would want nothing more than to turn our home into a zoo! One where they can spread feces through the rug and use its beds for sweaty, powerful, sinful mating sessions that would keep the neighbors awake and disgust all who wished to visit Olympus’ once uncorrupted halls.

Those in Arcadia may not understand the importance of the ACA and our message yet, but if the keys remain in the wrong hands then they will undoubtedly find out all too soon just what can happen when the uncouth and untamed are given free reign in their home.

So Mr. Boswick and I will do what we always do, of course.

Lock up the door, clean up the mess, and evict the intruders from our lovely home!

And we’ll do it all, you see, for the Greater Goode.

Tucker Goode