Judgment Day

In Promo by Sir Renault

Scriptures foretold that the second coming of Jesus Christ would signify the final judgment of people worldwide.

Based on their behavior and adherence to Christian doctrine during their tenure on Earth, each person would be sentenced upon their death to hell, purgatory, or heaven.

Under Sir Vant’s guidance, Vayikra has long been preparing for this day and have acted in accordance with Yahweh’s commandments to pass His judgment.

However three other tag teams will stand in line before us at the pearly gates, and will try to climb the heavenly ladder into paradise to win the tag team championships.

So the big question is: which duo will enter the kingdom of heaven after judgment is passed?

Jet Set Radio are punk fools who fuck with the world, including one another, under the commandments of a false prophet.

The Rainbow Party actively defy Yahweh in both ideology and action. Love is Starboy’s religion, and they literally fornicate the world like they’re on a mission.

The Bad Motherfuckers, as their name implies, are rude with an arrogant attitude. At the top of the OSW hierarchy, they believe they are holier than the rest and treat their fellow man with contempt because they hold the gold, and thus the riches.

Vayikra are God’s Greatest Warriors; unlike our adversaries we don’t have vices, only virtues.

Our devotion and commitment to Yahweh allows us to be the ones to pass judgment on you. At FTW we will bare the truth of all your deeds, bringing each of you to perfect justice.

Tag and Ether, you can repent for your sins and transgressions against your targets and each other all you want, but you will be forever stuck in purgatory until you accept Jesus Christ as your lord and savior instead of fucking Simon.

Vigour, you’re an alien, unnatural and not of Yahweh’s creation. Starboy, your agnostic belief system enables your lecherous sinning ways. So, just as you burned down our house of God, so shall we cast you both to the eternal flames of hell where you belong.

Zero and Pyre, you fancy yourselves a couple of angels. You look down on and believe yourself to be better than the rest of your kingdom’s peasants who’ve begged and pleaded for a pittance of your wealth. But the inconvenient truth is you’re sinning out of wedlock like royals tend to do.

But I’m the second coming: that’s why they call me Darth Jesus.

And Sir Bellator is the equivalent of an archangel: the name Sanctus was not bestowed on him without reason.

Not only are we at your level, we’re above it, and have been looking down on you and the others from the clouds all along. The time has come to return to Earth, clip those proverbial wings of yours, and send you two love birds crashing back down to the ground for Yahweh’s judgment amongst the other oppressed sinners.

Vayikra will be the ones who enter the kingdom of heaven—

And we’re going to shut the rest of you out and lock the gates forever.

Judgment day is upon you.

May Yahweh have mercy on your souls.

Deus vult.