Deep in the heart of Texas there’s a bar called McNally’s. Been there since god knows when, run by the same stone faced bartender.
A haven for hunters and monsters alike, sorta neutral ground if you would. You get drunk on the sweetest ale, brush up on rumours and bullshit, and learn to live with the assholes you’d gun down in any dark alley.
It’s respected, revered, a fucking death sentence if you start shit there. Hallowed damn ground for good and evil and those who break the rules…well they don’t last past Happy Hour.
And my dumbass had just been thrown through a priceless oak table.
“You got some damn nerve to touch up my woman pretty boy”
I winced, back nearly broken in damn half from the assholes strength. Whatever he was, he was powerful and psychotic.
“Hey I was just buying the lady a drink that she asked for. Not my fault she practically jumped into my lap.”
Bad move Jessie, the behemoth basically leapt into my face to grip me by the throat, flashing those pearly whites as fangs begin to descent down.
Oh fuck me I had to pick a fight with vampires didn’t I?
The asshat lifts me up high with unbelievable strength as he chuckles to himself before bringing his fangs down closer to my throat.
The loud blast of a shotgun rings through the tavern as I look up to see Mac pointing that silver boomstick right at Fangs McDick’s face. He delivers a stern look at us both before gesturing at the sign hung above the bar.
Play Nice or Else.
“Let the kid go”
Mac cocks the shotgun again as the vamp sneers in annoyance before dropping me to the mat. He gestures to the rest of his party squad to leave as his jaw rumbles looking down at me.
“I’ll see you later pretty boy”
The bloodsuckers skeedaddle, as i slowly pull myself up, rubbing my neck as I try to regain some use of my vocal chords. Mac stares at me, putting back up the boomstick before raising his eyes in a knowing fashion.
“Round for everyone make up for it?”
Mac smiles that sly smile, nodding his head as I say goodbye to the little moolah I have left. Straightening back the stool I was rudely pulled off, Mac slides an ice cold lemonade in front of me as I take a cool, refreshing sip before noticing a striking redhead sliding in on the next stool.
“Don’t tell me I’m gonna get my ass kicked by a werewolf next, the moon is at its height and I’m all out of wolfsbane.”
She chuckles, a soft melodic sound that intrigues me far more then it should before she shakes her head.
“No I’m actually looking for someone. Green eyed, curled hair, cocky charismatic stud named Jesse. Ring any bells?”
That just set off about a billion and not any good. I’m not my dad in everyone knows my name, generally strange hotties knowing you never leads to anything good so I down the lemonade and go to stand up from my seat.
“Sorry dollface, not that I don’t trust ya but you set off about a billion red flags there. Think whoever this Jesse is probably doesn’t want to be known by random strangers you dig?”
I barely get a few feet to the door before I find her hand on my shoulder. Mac’s a nice place, I really don’t want to get on his bad side by starting shit twice in one day so I tense up as I feel her breath on my neck but the whisper is the most enticing thing I’ve heard all night.
“I know where Ash is.”
I shake my head, knowing I’m probably walking into a trap but fuck if I haven’t been circling bupkiss for months. So I turn my ass around, shaking my head and ignoring my reason.
“Next time, start out with that. Let’s talk”
It’s funny what you can learn from a few bottles of purest ale and a gorgeous, knowledge dame. Turns out just like me Sarah’s a legacy. Our dads used to roll together as hunting partners, she’d heard a little about me from stories he’d tell. We commiserated about our losses, and then she told me the big twist.
She’d seen the old man not a few weeks back, came rolling into Macs broken and battered, like something big had gotten to him. She sewed him up and helped him get on his feet. She even knew where he was going.
But she wouldn’t tell me until I helped her with something. A monster taking a lot of people in town, something powerful. She couldn’t touch it and everyone else was too terrified to even go near its lair, let alone fight back.
“So what, those vamps back there? Pack of wolves? Den of Djinn? What’s got everyone so scared?”
She shook her head, it wasn’t anything that simple. She didn’t even see the damn thing properly before it knocked her out but she heard something…and fuck me if it didn’t turn my blood cold.
“It said it would swallow all their souls”
Fucking Deadites. I can’t do that, not again. I hate to leave a lady in distress…but fuck that noise. So I chugged the rest of the bottle, made my excuses and left. Tuned out her pleas which turned to anger. I know Dad wouldn’t think twice and anything else, I’d do the same.
But all I see is his face, tearing my moms throat out. I can’t do that again.
Even if it means I’m not the hero he wanted me to be.
The slow walk back to the hotel doesn’t do jack shit for the thoughts bouncing through my skull. The voices calling me a coward, a failure. An evil dickhead for knowing people are dying and not doing jackshit about it.
But I didn’t want this, I never wanted to be like him, and I’ll find him my way. My resolve is slowly rising as I cross the carpark to my room and my fingertips caress the doorknob when the old Williams luck sparks up again and I hear a terrified scream.
Well I can still save the day and kick someone’s ass so I do the stupid thing and play hero. Following the screams till I get to the nearby alley and not only do I see Sarah there, cowering in fear but I see the Fang brigade and my new best friend looming over her.
“Jesse oh thank god, you gotta help me”
Fangs McDickbag turns around, his smile a mile wide as he sees that I’ve crashed his party. He clicks his fingers as two of his butt buddies rush forward and grab my arms, holding me down as he slowly walks forward, licking his lips in anticipation.
“Told you I’d see you later prettyboy. Your girlfriend can wait, I want to dine on asshole tartare”
I let him get a few feet more then I can’t hold it. The laughter flows like water, my entire body shaking as the tears begin to leak, Fangboy just getting more and more annoyed as he reaches down, pulling me up to face level as he screams in my face with his questionable breath.
“What’s so fucking funny?”
I hear the wind rushing nearby as I know my favorite little buddy is nearby and just shake my head.
“Oh nothing fuckbag. You just might wanna duck”
More confused then angry now, Fangfucker wasn’t too bright as he ignored my warning and the Boomstick went right through his fucking skull. Even vamps can’t withstand pure silver going through their brain as his limp body collapses to the concrete. I pull my baby from his skull, wiping away the brain matter before putting on my favorite creation and turning to the now terrified bloodsuckers.
“Come get some fuckbags”
To my surprise, they don’t all try to rush me to avenge their fallen master but they run away screaming…? I mean I knew I was intimidating but fuck. Hey a wins a win as I go to lift Sarah to her feet but she’s just trembling still as I smell it even before she points behind me.
At the tall, dark and ugly looming down. I barely get a glimpse of the bastard before one brutal shot knocks me out cold.
Fucking Williams Luck.
I wake up groggily, head a damn throbbing mess as for a few moments I don’t even realize where I am until I feel her hand shake my shoulder.
“Jesse please wake up, you’ve gotta save us”
Sarah’s face comes into view, not a bad way to wake up until I realize where we are. That damn lair she mentioned. Deep in the heart of some fucked up demon. I focus on trying to push past the fear and sorrow that I barely notice the amulet around my neck until it slams against my hand.
“You know, I don’t mind makeup gifts but you should ask before you put strange jewelry around someones neck”
She barely laughs at my hilarious joke, just saying that it’s protection against what’s here. I’m just trying to see through the darkness, get a lay of everything when I smell that same putrid stench again.
“Stretch wants round two huh? Can’t cheapshot me this time bitch.”
A wild right is ducked underneath as I roll through to my feet, somehow still having the Boomstick on my hands as I throw a massive wild right.
That disintegrates him into mist…
“What the hell kinda juice does this amulet have? Good call babydoll”
I go to lift Sarah up to her feet when I hear it, chanting of some kind. It’s faint but it sounds familiar. Welp I know where our deadun is, guess it’s time to nut up or shut up. I nod at Sarah, motioning for her to stay back where it’s safe before running for the voice.
Goddamn I wish I hadn’t cause a deadite is one thing.
But a deadite of someone you care about is another.
The Wiseman or wiseass as Dad called him was practically my grandfather. He’d seen us through a lot of bad, and protected us the best he could. Now he was all white eyed and terrifying, and I had to put him down.
“What are you doing here boy? You smell so much like the Chosen One but you’re not him, just a pale reflection”
The thing chuckled in my obvious fear as it continued it’s chanting, its summoning of something but whatever it is, it was ancient sumerian. Something Dad knew nothing about but I was a goddamn scholar at it. I chuckled, I didn’t have to fight him
I just had to send his ass far far away.
“Anuis Amabre Joiber Piberoa. Manibus Gerlia Veritud Sanctus. Veritas Enember Fergutia Ongasiu”
As I expected, a portal appeared right behind him, reversing whatever spell or thing he was trying to summon and sending him back where he came from. He tried resisting, holding onto whatever he could but good old Boomy sent him packing.
We bundled up whatever people got trapped inside, lot of good folks got to see their families again and I got the info I needed.
“He’s gone home huh? Should’ve guessed that OSW would’ve been the first place he’d go”
“Will you come back…when you find him that is?”
I chuckle to myself before drawing her close and laying some sugar down. Guess the Williams charm still works wonders whether you’re the King or Prince but as I get back into the old girl and ride off into the sunset, a thought crosses my mind.
That portal, right before it closed, I saw his face again…it was normal. Probably a trick, just the demon trying to fuck with me but I swear he called my name too. Again my reason was screaming out but I didn’t listen. I’d saved the day, I’d done the right thing…I hoped.
And now all I have to do is go to where I belonged to bring him home.
Sarah watched as Jesse drove off, waving sweetly until the oldsmobile was nothing but a speck in the distance. She chuckled to herself before her visage changed. No longer the gorgeous redhead but a sweet, innocent looking old man cut from the same cloth as Mr Rogers. The same monster from before appeared by his side, waiting patiently as the old man palms the amulet in his hand before crushing it into dust.
“Go on home Jesse my boy, we’ll be seeing you real soon”
Pain and hard stone. That’s what the old man feels at first as he slowly opens his eyes, his head splitting open as he finds himself in a dungeon. Shadows fill the barely illuminated room as his eyes slowly acclimate to the darkness and he sees a figure stooped down in the corner.
Thick heavy beard, dark brown eyes and that heavy cleft chin.
Ash Williams grunts in reply, clearly not happy to have any company in his nightmare of a cell.
“Great, now I’ve got the old gang coming to visit. Sorry about the state of the place, haven’t had much time to decorate”
“It is I who should sorry Ashley. I tried to save you, to send that foul abomination back where he belongs but my magics were not strong enough.”
Ash just chuckles, a sarcastic annoyed one but a chuckle none the less.
“Some Wiseman you are. So what all powerful being couldn’t you overcome?”
The wiseman looks apprehensive, almost ashamed to look Ash in the eyes as he turns away, swallowing his guilt before answering.
“It was Jesse…”
The Wiseman barely gets a few syllables out before he finds his shoulder nearly snapped in half from the sheer force as he’s whipped around in a fury by the now full attention of Ash.
“What the hell do you mean? Why did Jesse stop you? Why is he involved in all this?”
The Wiseman doesn’t get to answer before a warm, inviting fatherly tone begins to echo out from the door behind them.
“Oh I’m sorry Ashley that was all my fault. I had to trick the poor boy to stop your friend here from ruining all our fun. But don’t worry I sent on the right path in the end.”
Ash lets go of the Wiseman rushing forward to the door with a fury but he can’t get close before he’s snapped back towards the wall thanks to the chain wrapped around his neck.
“Don’t you fucking lay a finger on him. I swear to god…”
“You’ll what? Kill me Ashley? Oh my poor boy you still don’t realise that you’re the prey here. But don’t worry, feeding time isn’t for a while yet. At least not for you”
Before Ash can react, a monsterous figure emerges from the shadows, draped in blue grips the wiseman by the skull and digs his thumbs into his eyes. The Wiseman screams out in pain, Ash trying to help but a monsterous right hand sends him flying back into the concrete wall. The Chosen One helpless to do anything but watch as his old friend slowly dies.
The Wiseman collapses to the ground, the monster gripping him by one leg as he pulls him through the door opened up by his friendly creator as the pair begin to walk away.
“Well tata for now Ashley, so many things to do, so many young boys to send to slaughter. But don’t worry about little Jesse, I’ll make sure he finds his way home.”
He walks away, laughing sadistically as Ash rushes forward as far as he can, slamming his fists against the bars as he screams out into the night.
“Don’t you fucking touch him Rogers…you hear me? DON’T YOU TOUCH HIM!”