Eden and Earth aren’t the only two planets I’ve been on, you know. I’m a well fuckin’ travelled man. Alien. Fuck knows, but I’ve been around the block, is what I’m saying. I’ve even visited some of your fellow Milky Way counterparts. I’ve been on Mercury and nearly melted from the hear, and I’m old enough to have partied on Pluto, but there’s one thing for sure. Luke Storm is just like Saturn.
He’s always surrounded by rings, for a start, right? Can’t get enough of the fucking things. Saturn is also named after the Roman god of wealth and if there’s one thing I know about earth it’s that actors are fucking minted. Dollars out of the wazoo.
Mostly I like to compare them because Saturn is full of gas. A giant blob of fucking hot air floating around in space thinking it’s all that. Well Lucas Storm, for all of your hot air you sure do know how to chill a motherfucker to the bone. I’ve seen sides of you that make old Eddie Newton look sane!
But I think the thing that makes me link you closely with Saturn the most of all, is the Great White Spot.
The Great White Spot is a periodic storm on the surface of Saturn, and just like the rest of the planet it’s a bunch of gas, but this bunch of gas is white as fuck. I remember asking why it was white unlike the rest of the planet, and the answer is perfect here too. It’s white because the storm rages wild and deep, throwing up debris from the depths of the planet. Just like you, the Great White Spot is a product of its own deep-seated baggage. But the thing about the Great White Spot, Luke, is that it runs out of control. Its wildness makes it unpredictable, yes, but also unreliable. And the storms fizzle out and only spring back to life every couple of decades. You’ve had your moment in the spotlight, and your wild run comes to an end now. Your Great White Spot is over.
But my Great Red Spot is only just coming to the fore. The Great Red Spot is another storm, but this one on Jupiter. The Great Red Spot has been active for hundreds of years, never burning out, always there. It’s known for its lack of wildness, instead described as a constant pressure. That’s me, Luke. I’m as fucking sustainable as bamboo boxes and you’re as toxic as plastic straws, and I’ve even got the red fucking hair to match. You’ve hogged that spotlight for just a moment too long, only now people can see you for your weakness. They have seen you after the storm has ended, with bMf brought to it’s knees.
The curtain has fallen, and now it’s time for your curtain call. So exit stage fucking left, and let the new blood play. And I can’t wait to fucking play.
So let’s do it now, and do it loud!