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Fucking Troll

Fucking Troll

Oi everyone! I’m Chip Montana! And I’m grabbin nature…

 

By the balls!!

 

And today, I’m standing on a bridge in the middle of the forest. Why? Because I’m looking for trolls!

Now you might be saying, “But Chip, trolls aren’t real! They’re just imaginary!” Well, smartarse, ever spent ten seconds on the internet? If so then you’d know how fucking stupid you sound when you say retarded things like that.

Trolls are very, very real, mate. And they’re everywhere.

Now, because of fairy tales and children’s stories, folks have been led to believe that every troll is a bridge troll. The kind that has a riddle to be solved, or you don’t get to cross the bridge. But the last time any of us have seen a troll like that, he became the greatest champion in OSW history.

No, there’s another kind of troll. A lower lifeform than the bridge dwelling kind.

I’m talking about the fucking troll.

Fucking trolls don’t want to do anything but eat food, fuck the world, and get people riled up for no reason. They seem to be interested in nothing but antagonization, and they desire nothing but negative feedback.

Some fucking trolls are so desperate for negative attention, that they team up with a couple fairies and start spraypainting buildings and ruining good times.

As far as it comes to ol’ Chip’s mind, which is sharp as a steel trap, the only way to defeat a fucking troll is to show it kindness until it gets bored and moves on to someone else.

But that puts me in a precarious position.

Because I don’t want to show this fucking troll any kindness. I wanna catch her, and kick her ass.

So, I figured, if I don’t want to bore the fucking troll to death, I’ll have to lure it.

Thus, I set up a brand new internet forum, located at www.jetsetradiosucks.com. Then I made a bunch of posts that are titled things like, “Ether is a fat bitch” and “Haha Ether smells like eggs.”

Now, I’m just waiting for her nitwit fairy friends to see it and let her know. See mate, if you wanna kick a fucking trolls ass, you gotta make them think you’re a fucking troll too.

Why?

Because nothing, absolutely nothing, pisses off a fucking troll more than getting fucking trolled themselves.

And you wanna know a secret about me?

I’ve been capable of mimicking a fucking troll my entire life.

Thus, the fucking troll is angered into doing bullshit she normally wouldn’t do, like step into a ring with a certified zoologist with the tricks of every animal that’s ever lived resting up his sleeve.

And Ether, when its all said and done, you’re gonna end up just like everyone else who has tried to troll Chip Montana.

Your ladyballs are gonna get grabbed.

And you’re gonna get the absolute shit beaten out of you.

Because the slaughterhouse is just like my forum.

I own it.