Static covers the screen as a Play ► symbol appears in the bottom right-hand corner.
Somewhere off world, in a location only known to Sigil, The Collector sits at a table with his head bowed. Tank and Michaela sit nearby, equally as sad. There’s an aura of sadness around all three, each of them taking in the loss of their friend Jay.
[ Sigil ] “None of this makes any sense.”
Sigil says, trying to wrap his head around it.
[ Sigil ] “How did they even know where to find him? You’re not in any systems, I had Zero make sure your identities were kept out of databases. I don’t understand it.”
[ Tank ] “Could Roberts help?”
The Collector shakes his head.
[ Sigil ] “That’s the other thing; he’s gone missing. He just upped and vanished. I haven’t been able to get a hold of him and his compound is empty. There’s not a soul. It’s like a ghost town.”
[ Michaela ] “This is fucked up!”
Sigil stands up, nodding in agreement.
[ Tank ] “So let me get this straight – Corvus and Deathnote might’ve murdered Roberts too?”
[ Michaela ] “Fuck…”
[ Sigil ] “I don’t think so.”
That surprises them.
[ Sigil ]“There’s no chance in hell that Corvus and Deathnote murdered Jay. They had to be there looking for the Notebook. Do you really think Corvus would get caught at the scene of a hit he undertook? He’s not sloppy.”
[ Tank ] “Maybe that’s what they want us to think.”
[ Sigil ]“All I know is that I’m heading into a two on one match against them both in a week and without Roberts, it’s an uphill battle. I want desperately to avenge Jay, but I don’t think they’re responsible.”
[ Tank ] “What do we do now? Bury our friend?”
[ Michaela ] “His dad can never know.”
[ Sigil ] “In this timeline, you’re still children – just remember that. Mike Lane, Brent Kersh and Jake Jeckel aren’t to be told about this. Understood? The last thing we need is The Shadow, The Enforcer and the fucking Juggalo in our business.”
[ Michaela ] “Is someone gonna tell Sanctus?”
[ Sigil ] “He’s too busy making the mistakes of his father; we should leave that well enough alone.”
They all nod in agreement.
KAINE KNIGHTLORD vs. STARBOY
Knightlord has faced off against demons, templars, and monsters… but can he take on the rainbow being we call Starboy?
Knightlord explodes out of the gate with a wild big boot that floors Starboy! The Lover of All didn’t love that as he gets turned inside out! Kaine peels him off of the ground and hauls him up! MASSIVE VERTICAL SUPLEX PLANTS STARBOY! He goes for the pin early!
KAINE IMMEDIATELY LEAPS OFF STARBOY! THE LOVER TICKLED HIS BALLS! Kaine angrily nails a harsh forearm to Starboy before grabbing him into a side headlock! Bad choice! THUMB TO THE BUM! OIL CHECK! Kaine lets to and turns around RIGHT INTO THE DIRTY SANCHEZ! CHOP TO THE FACE!
Knightlord turns around in disgust! STARBOY CAPITALIZES WITH THE DONKEY PUNCH! SPINNING ELBOW! THE HELLBAT GOES DOWN! He has the advantage but Starboy doesn’t pin! He drags Kaine to his feet and pulls him in- NO! CLOTHESLINE BY KNIGHTLORD FOLLOWED BY A NORTHERN LARIAT! BLOODY STREAM! Starboy gets taken off his feet with authority!
The Ass for the Masses is dazed on the mat as The Nightscream stalks the ring! He’s begging Starboy to stand! The Starfish Destroyer rises up AND GETS JUMPED ON FROM BEHIND! NIGHT RAID- NO! MASSIVE FUCKING BUKKAKE! THAT CREAMY LIQUID COVERS KAINE’S FACE AND STARBOY ROLLS HIM INTO THE SMALL PACKAGE! One! Two! Three!
Starboy rolls away from Kaine, basking in his own glory before exiting the ring, leaving Kaine to wipe off his face as the match comes to an end!
Backstage, we find Tag on a mission, a look of concern on his face as he goes on a hunt for something… or rather, for someone.
Sexy Dynamite teams with Ether to take on Vayikra later tonight, but that match is the furthest thing from his mind right now.
Eventually, he finds just the man he was looking for.
The JSR compadre who became a snake is still very much out of sorts, noticeably bruised from Tag’s beatdown last week…and visibly forlorn. He winces at the sight of Tag, who raises his hands as a sign of reassurance.
[ Tag ] “Hey man, I’m…I’m sorry about last week. I lost my temper. I’m just looking for an explanation, Wiz. What is going on with you!?”
Wiz can barely look at Tag, the Purple Pelican still misty-eyed with his head hung in shame before he finally speaks…but ignoring the question.
[ Wiz ] “He’s gone, Tag. Viper Roberts cut all contact and…he’s gone.”
Wiz finally looks up at Tag now, his eyes welling up.
[ Wiz ] “I can’t find him anywhere.”
This catches Tag by surprise, his face a mix of confusion and near-disgust as he shrugs his shoulders.
[ Tag ] “Dude, I don’t care about Roberts…I care about you. Why are you so obsessed with that guy?”
Wiz is distraught, as if offended by Tag’s lack of interest before walking off. Tag just stares him down as he leaves, left absolutely confused by what just took place.
Elsewhere in the Slaughterhouse, we see the OSW World Champion looking angry as all hell, staring with a snarl at a man who’s just delivered a bit of rough news.
[ Zero ] “The fuck are you asking of me now, Simon?”
The man he snaps at just chuckles, a smirk on the face of the Taskmaster.
[ Simon ] “Ah ah, I didn’t say you could speak…did I, little doggy?”
The champ shuts his mouth, the snarl never leaving his face as Simon continues.
[ Simon ] “I just came by to remind you of what your place is tonight. You have a very important main event tonight, and you play a pivotal role here…because Simon Says you are not to help your team win their match. No, doggy, you’re helping my team tonight.”
[ Zero ] “You son of a bitch, I…”
The champ is cut off by Simon, who raises a finger as if to shush the Bad Mamajama.
[ Simon ] “Ah ah, Simon Says silence is golden, dog. If you think for even a second about trying to win, I will never sign those precious divorce papers you want. I know you’ll do anything for love…so I expect you to do that.”
Another chuckle from Simon, much to the chagrin of the champion.
[ Simon ] “Now, move along little doggy. You have an important match to get ready for, and a very important choice to make. I know you’ll do what’s best.”
Simon’s smirk widens to a grin as Zero storms off, absolutely raging about what he’s been instructed to do in tonight’s main event, and all to get one step closer to his goal.
Freedom, for his love and for himself.
LUCY SERAPHINA vs. CHRONOA
Will Fate feel Malice’s Bite?
Seraphina with running backhand chops. The Angelic Assassin is forcing The Harbinger of Fate on the back foot. Lucy wants answers about her brother, can The Keeper of History provide them? Springboard enziguri to the temple of Chrona, the Sovereign of Silence has a cover…ONE! SHOULDER UP!!!
Seraphina lifts up Chronia, she’s looking for the VAMPIRE’S BLOOD neckbreaker…REVERSED!!!! DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE!!!! It’s DEJA VU with that call back to Sweet Alice. Lucy is back on her feet. GOOZLE!!! TO SAND!!!! NO!!!! The Half-blood counters with a snap DDT.
Chronoa lifts herself up by the ropes. Running forearm to the back by Seraphina. Chronoa is slumped over the ropes and quickly tied up in MALICE’S BITE!!!! Here comes that four count and Lucy releases the Tarantula. Chronoa staggers away but a determined Lucy has her by the hair…
FALLEN SORROW!!!! NO!!! Chronoa spins out. BOOMSTICK!!!! More DEJA VU!!!! Long live The King!!!! Chronoa covers for ONE! TWO! THREE-NOO!!! Kickout!!! Chronoa peels Lucy off the mat. GOOZLE again…NO!!! Countered into VAMPIRE’S BLOOD!!!! Lucy springboards….roundhouse kick reminiscent of Tyler Brooks….YOUR [FORETOLD] DEMISE….Chronia connects with the spinning elbow….HAS BEEN WRITTEN!!! Cover for ONE! TWO! THREEEEE!!!!
Fate has silenced Seraphina tonight.
“A LETTER SCARLET”
We come backstage after Lucy Seraphina’s match, and she takes a laboured step into her locker room as the effects of the match when she sees a red letter on a chair. She looks at it with curiosity. She picks it up and turns it over, looking for any sign of who it’s from.
[ Lucy Seraphina ] “Kaine, leave me the fuck alone.”
She opens it up and her eyes light up with some joy.
[ Lucy Seraphina ] “It’s… It’s from Lucien! He was here!”
She quickly, as if the match never happened, darts out of her locker room and begins looking around. She sees an aide backstage and grabs him.
[ Lucy Seraphina ] “Did you see him? Did you see Lucien?!”
The man looks scared and takes off. When she turns, she sees the imposing form of the Impaler.
[ The Impaler ] “Open it.”
Lucy looks at Impaler annoyed.
[ Lucy Seraphina ] “What?”
[ The Impaler ] “Open it.”
Impaler just repeats himself, annoyed that he had to do so. Lucy follows the command, annoyed herself that she’s doing it. She lights up when she first sees her name written in her brothers writing. That look quickly turns to disappointment.
[ Lucy Seraphina ] “It just says “leave me alone”. But… This can’t be Lucien!”
[ The Impaler ] “Why not? You saw the photos, you’ve seen his own words. Why can’t it be him? Leave him be. It’s done, and he’s done with you and whatever it was you’ve dabbled in.”
A slap echoes through the backstage area as Lucy looks at Impaler.
[ Lucy Seraphina ] “I know what you’re capable of, Legion. I’ve seen what those like you can do. You, Kaine. You’re both the same, you think you know me or my brother better than we know each other, and I’ve had enough of it. You can go fuck off to where ever you crawled out of. You don’t want to tell me where my brother is? Fine. I’ll find him regardless, and you had better stay out of my way.”
Lucy storms off, as a look of rage crosses the face of Impaler as he watches.
[ The Impaler ] “You know nothing of what I am. What we are.”
“FISHERS OF MEN”
Organ music begins to play as the static resolves itself into a scanline-filled screen showing a full robed choir singing an old hymn.
I’ll fly away, Oh Glory
I’ll fly away; (in the morning)
Just as last week, we have two chairs with a small table between them. On one chair we find Sir Gable, and in the other we find the Generation Kid, sipping the holy water beside him.
When I die, Hallelujah, by and by;
I’ll fly away (I’ll fly away).
Still wearing the drab brown suit, TGK stands to his feet as the hymn ends. He bows his head and the room grows dead silent.
[ The Generation Kid ] “Lord, tonight we bring to you an offering. Thanks to the generosity of our watchers, the might of your holy name will be seen across all the lands.”
In front of the podium, a new figure is thrown into the scene.
The Mountain looks as though he hasn’t slept in a week (and he probably hasn’t). His wrists are bloodied from shackles, and he has whip marks up and down his back.
[ The Generation Kid ] “The holy spirit fills my bones, sinner! There is no mountain high enough that the Lord cannot smite it into nothingness!”
The Kid looms over Banzan, with fire in his eyes.
[ The Generation Kid ] “You have cavorted with sodomites and the accursed! The Lord deems your life forfeit, and I am his holy sword!”
TGK’s face twists up as he stares down at the weakened Banzan.
[ Sir Gable ] “Show him the might of the Lord!”
But the Kid hesitates. For just a split second.
That was all Banzan needed.
ENERGY FLIES OUT OF THE MOUNTAIN, THROWING EVERYONE BACKWARDS AND RAISING A CLOUD OF SMOKE.
When it dissipates, Banzan is gone. TGK looks disoriented, but Sir Gable rushes towards him with the last of the holy water. He practically forces it down the gullet of the Kid, before helping him to his feet. Before Gable can say anything, a new figure enters the scene.
[ Sir Vant ] “My child, return to your chambers. Study the scriptures to find strength.”
TGK walks off, almost in a trance, while Vant turns to Gable.
[ Sir Vant ] “Do not fret, Sir Gable. Banzan’s ability to heal himself quickly are well known, and I certainly accounted for this possibility. We are but fishers of men. The monk may be our best bet to facilitate the final step of your ward’s conversion.”
Gable nods as the pair look on.
Final step? Fishers of men? What is Sir Vant talking about?
BANZAN vs. THE IMPALER
The Mountain has seemed fractured lately with the death of another close to him and the brutal attack from Seesaw and now he has Legion itself to deal with. Can Banzan survive his latest challenge or will he fall victim to the power of Night City?
The bell sounds as Banzan rushes in, looking for an early Magga but the Impaler slips out of the way, delivering a hard kick to the back of the Mountain’s knee as he does before gripping the Mountain around the waist and dropping him on the back of his head with a German Suplex. Banzan struggles up to his feet right into another kick to the knee before trying to take Banzan down to the mat.
The Mountain fights out, delivering a hard series of punches to the back of the head that stuns Impaler before he lifts him up high, DUKKHA! The Saito Suplex hits hard but Banzan’s knee is still hurting him as he’s unable to follow up for the cover. Both men slowly get to their feet, Banzan just that little bit slower as the Impaler capitalizes with a brutal Adam Smasher. A second one nearly takes Banzan’s head off before the Impaler calls for the end.
Slowly lifting Banzan up to his feet, the Mountain fights out of a powerbomb attempt before kicking Impaler away but he’s not quite fast enough to hit the Magga as the Impaler dodges just out of the way, Banzan hitting the turnbuckles hard before Legion rolls him into a sickening leglock. The Mountain tries to fight it out but the Impalers brutal strength is tearing apart his knee as he’s forced to tap out!
The Impaler picks up the huge victory over the Mountain here tonight as he shows Banzan the true power of Night City.
WINNER: THE IMPALER
The Hungry Girl stares down at her cracked phone screen, the background still in the image of JSR. She lets out a sigh, sitting against a bench in the backstage, leaning into the wall when two sets of footsteps come down the hall.
[ Hollywood Luke Storm ] “Oh look, she wasn’t even hiding this time.”
[ Pyre ] “Making it easy for us this time, pig?”
Two parts of Bad Mother Fuckers strut down the hall with those same sickly grins on their faces. However, as they close in, Ether doesn’t even acknowledge them. Instead, she simply pockets her phone and shakes her head.
[ Ether ] “Do it.”
[ Hollywood Luke Storm ] “What?”
Luke looks confused, almost incredulous.
[ Ether ] “Whatever you’re gonna do to me. Set me on fire, kick my ass, break my shit. I don’t even care anymore, man.”
Pyre exchanges a glance with Luke, her grin turning to a sneer.
[ Pyre ] “This ‘woe is me’ shit isn’t gonna work, snack bitch. Get up and take what’s coming to you before I cook you and see what burning bitch smells like.”
[ Hollywood Luke Storm ] “My bet’s still on pulled pork.”
Ether finally looks towards her two would-be assailants, a look of pure apathy on her face.
[ Ether ] “Then do it. What’re you waiting for? I gave you the invitation, so fuckin’ do it!
Pyre is taken aback by the outburst, unable to react as Ether pounces on her!
LEFT! RIGHT! LEFT! RIGHT! ETHER’S CLAWING AT PYRE’S FACE LIKE A FUCKING MANIAC!
KICK TO THE GUT FROM STORM SENDS ETHER ROLLING! BUT THE HUNGRY GIRL IS QUICK TO HER FEET AS SHE GRABS ANYTHING SHE CAN FIND AND HURLS IT TOWARDS LUKE AND PYRE! THE DUO TAKE OFF AS ETHER SCREAMS AT THEM!
[ Ether ] “COME ON THEN YOU FUCKIN’ COWARDS! DO IT! I AIN’T GOT ANYTHING TO FUCKIN’ LOSE DO I?”
Pyre and Storm escape down the hall, cussing at Ether as a large box nails Storm in the skull. Both members of BMF escape around a corner, leaving us with Ether.
The Hungry Girl’s anger subsiding, replaced with exhaustion, a few tears rolling down her face as her emotional outburst comes to an end. She takes a moment, wiping the tears from her face and regaining her posture as best she can.
After all, she has a match coming up soon.
Back at the apartment Michaela and Tank share, they’re now alone and sitting on the couch, trying to make the most important decision of their lives.
There’s a tension in the air.
[ Michaela ] “We should go.”
[ Tank ] “I know.”
They both seem to be in agreement, but Tank is a little less sure.
[ Michaela ] “But?”
[ Tank ] “We don’t belong here, babe. We shouldn’t even be in this timeline.”
[ Michaela ] “Sigil won’t take us home; he needs us.”
[ Tank ] “Then maybe we should run? Working with Sigil is going to get us killed. I can’t lose you too, I just can’t.”
Michaela moves closer to sit next to him. They both embrace with a hug.
[ Michaela ] “Maybe we can talk to him? Once he’s killed Death and taken his crystal, we should be able to go home. What if he doesn’t need us for that? What if there’s another way?”
[ Tank ] “There’s always another way and if we weren’t here, he’d find it.”
[ Michaela ] “Coming to this timeline was a mistake; we’ve lost so much. Your dad is paralysed because of us. Sanctus has turned into the one man he never wanted to become and Jay died for Sigil’s mission. He promised us a better future if we came to the past. He lied to us, Tank.”
Tank stands up, finally decided.
[ Tank ] “Then we run.”
[ Michaela ] “Where?”
Michaela joins him at his feet, hands around his waist.
[ Tank ] “There’s only one man I can think of that we could turn to.”
She immediately knows who he means.
[ Michaela ] “Really? Him?”
[ Tank ] “We owe it to him, hon. If we’re running, someone else has to fix this. If it can’t be us, then it has to be him. Hopefully he can get us out of here too.”
TAG TEAM MATCH
VAYIKRA VS. JET SET RADIO
Vayikra want to establish the kingdom of God on earth, but as far as Tag and Ether are concerned, “heaven is a halfpipe”!
Ether and Sir Renault start the bout. The Last Crusader recites to The Hungry Girl “The way of an adulteress: she eats and wipes her mouth and says…” ETHER STRIKE!!!! Ether clobbers Renault with the spinning heel kick. FUCK YOUR FACE!!! “That’s what a hungry girl says”, Ether shouts back as Darth Jesus takes that inverted foot stomp facebreaker.
The fanatic tags in Sir Gable. The Olympian lays into Ether with razor-sharp knife edge chops to the chest. Irish whip into the ropes and a big air monkey toss to The Hungry Girl. She staggers back to her feet…GOLD RUSH!!!! Speared out of her skates and cover ONE! TWO! NOOOO!!! Tag saves the day!
As the ref pushes Tag back to his corner, Sir Renault joins his partner and together they beat down on Ether with stomps. By the time the ref has cleared the ring, Renault has retreated. Gable lifts Ether and he’s looking for German suplex but she counters into a reverse DDT!
Ether tags in her partner! Sir Renault is tagged too! FIVE STAR FACIAL!!!! Darth Jesus bounces off the ropes…TRUCK FUCKED!!! NO! Darth Jesus ducks and punishes Tag with his HOLY TRINITY suplex combo!!! Renault bridges the Dragon Suplex as Gable cuts off Ether….ONE! TWO THREEEE!!!!
Yahweh is with Vayikra tonight as they defeat the Jet Set Radio duo!
A secluded part of the city. Dark, save for a lonely streetlight that casts a depressing ambience.
Here, we find one Kaine Knightlord. Eyes closed in thoughtful reflection.
[ Chronoa ] “You’ve been avoiding me…”
The familiar voice of the Historian, Chronoa cuts through the otherwise silence. Kaine turn to her, glaring at the interruption.
[ Kaine Knightlord ] “Sometimes, one simply does not wish to be found. I see you struggle to take a hint.”
Chronoa closes in on Kaine, not menacingly but with the assurance that he’s not walking away right now.
[ Chronoa ] “I seek answers, and you won’t tell me what you know. I will ask once more nicely. Tell me what you know.”
Kaine smiles, more of a smirk than anything.
[ Kaine Knightlord ] “Why would I tell you anything? Impaler does not interest me, and I’m not about to give away information to someone who is not giving me any in return.”
Chronoa sizes him up, suspiciously.
[ Chronoa ] “So you do know something?”
She is cut off by the sensation of something rushing past her legs. A rabbit. Followed by a horde of other rabbits. They are moving as one, like a moving blanket. Each hopping away from a single source… which chases them with a butterfly net and a burlap sack.
[ Chip Montana ] “Come back here, you pesky little buggers!”
Chip Montana collides, running full tilt into Chronoa and Knightlord. By the time they untangle themselves and dust themselves off, the bunnies are long gone. Montana looks pissed.
[ Chip Montana ] “You two again, bloody wankers. That’s three times you’ve cost me my shot. I’m supposed to be grabbing nature by the balls! He’s escaped again because of you.”
Both Knightlord and Chronoa look dumbfounded, they say nothing.
[ Chip Montana ] “Are you helping me in the chase, or are we gonna have a wee problem?”
It is Knightlord who finally speaks in reply.
[ Kaine Knightlord ] “I’ve told you before, I have no interest in helping you. I’m not entirely sure what part of ‘leave me alone’ you struggled to understand.”
Chip shakes his head in frustration, proceeding to slam the butterfly net over Knightlord’s head.
[ Chip Montana ] “Well, that is disappointing. Now you hear me, you fanged fuckwit… I’m gonna catch me that bunny. If you two are going to interfere at every step I’ll have to roll the ol’ sleeves up and dispose of you pesky kookaburras first.”
Almost to prove his point, Montana begins to roll up the sleeve of his safari shirt, struggling with the button. Not really wanting to hang around until he’s finished, Knightlord and Chronoa both take their leave.
Neither willing to be the first one to part with their information. A proverbial stalemate reached in their negotiating.
[ Chip Montana ] “Oi! Where did you assholes go now?!”
“ALL THAT GLITTERS”
Ahead of the main event, Sir Bellator exits his locker room. As he opens the door, he almost trips over a box left just outside. It’s a thoughtfully wrapped gift. The Chosen One is naturally suspicious, but as the paper is a muted shade of beige, he deems it safe. He returns to the table in the locker room, closing the door behind him.
He unwraps the gift – under the paper is a plain box.
The Templar opens the box, and inside is a sight that almost drops his jaw. A heavy, nearly bound copy of the bible, gilded with intricate gold detailing. He takes the book out of the box and places it onto the table – it’s heavy so he can’t hold it aloft.
He opens the book, intending to have a brief read of some chapter and verse to inspire him in his match, but…
An explosion of multi-coloured glitter fills the room and settles on the mask of Sir Bellator. He immediately starts to brush it off.
We can now see that the “book” was not a real book at all, but a trap device. The device starts whirring again, this time only to play a recording.
[ Starboy ] “Hahaha! Enjoy a little STARDUST in your life, Sir Bellator. Starboy is just like this package, it doesn’t matter how hard you try to cover it up, inside there’s always going to be a colourful explosion just waiting to get out. And just like the glitter, my stardust will also fill every little nook and cranny…”
The recording ends, and Sir Bellator is even more irate. In the meantime he has almost cleared the glitter from his body, though the rest of the room will need more work. The Chosen One looks around.
[ Sir Bellator ] “That…creature…is no human. He’ll soon see what his sins will bring to his door.”
Sir Bellator storms out of the room, heading towards the ring for his match.
VIGOUR vs. WIZ
The last few weeks have been hell for both men, Vigour seemingly losing a friend to the dastardly tricks of Vayikra while Wiz is barely dealing with the fallout of his own trechery. Can Vigour rise his spirits high or will Wiz get the slightest bit of good in the wake of his betrayal?
The bell sounds as Vigour rushes in, surprising Wiz with a big enziguri to the back of the head, stunning the Pelican before he’s spiked into the mat with a beautiful DDT. Vigour wastes no time as he leaps into the air for a QUICK THRILL! The standing SSP hits hard as Vigour hooks the outside leg for the one…two…
KICKOUT! Wiz just gets the shoulder up as Vigour quickly heads up to the top rope, looking to deliver a little Splash of Colour to Wiz’s life but the Frog Splash only hits knees as Vigour staggers up to his feet holding his ribs in pain right into the Tapdance Funk! Giving Vigour an enziguri of his own isn’t enough as he pulls the Prince of Party up to his feet, whipping him into the ropes before introducing him into the COSMO PLANE! Vigour goes down hard as Wiz goes for the cover
ONE…TWO…Vigour just gets the shoulder up. Hurting from the last few weeks and looking desperate for that victory, Wiz picks up his paint can from ringside, looking to knock Vigour out cold but Vigour ducks underneath Canned Heat, kicking the can right back in Wiz’s face before lifting him up for VIM AND VIGOUR! That has to be it as Vigour hooks the leg for the one…two…three!!
The Prince of Party picks up the big victory here tonight as Wiz continues his slide into darkness.
Vigour walks backstage, fresh off his match against Wiz. He has ear pods in, listening to some of that album from last week. But he nearly jumps out of his skin when a hand grabs his shoulder. Rearing back to punch, he stops when he sees his friend Starboy.
[ Vigour ] “I thought you were…”
[ Starboy ] “Renault? He’s like a zit on your ass that just won’t go away, no matter how many times you squeeze it dry.”
The Good Time Guy just nods, but Starboy is quick to continue.
[ Starboy ] “No such luck. Starboy ran into an old friend of yours who was trying to find you.”
With a raised eyebrow, Vigour watches as a form rounds the corner.
[ Vigour ] “Where do they have the Kid?”
Banzan blinks slowly, surprised at how quickly Vigour got to it.
[ Vigour ] “Apologies can wait. We need to get to wherever they’re holding him. We got him into this.”
[ Starboy ] “And we’re going to get him out.”
The Mountain takes a deep breath.
[ Banzan ] “Vayikra win no matter what you do, you know that right? If you go there, they demolish you on their turf. If you don’t, then they’ve turned your friend into their ally.”
[ Vigour ] “I don’t care if it…”
A GIANT INFLATABLE BASEBALL BAT SWINGS INTO FRAME, HITTING ALL THREE MEN!
UPON IMPACT, IT EXPLODES INTO SOME KIND OF RED SMOKE!
[ SeeSaw ] “Here’s SeeSaw!”
Mr. Make Believe leaps into the scene, hammering down onto Banzan.
[ SeeSaw ] “I hope this special sauce I put in this powder helps you get some rest Banzan, I know Vayikra weren’t nice to you.”
The Mountain is dazed, and Starboy is just plain down.
But Vigour… is unaffected.
The blue haired wonder leaps at SeeSaw with rage in his eyes, but he gets grabbed and shoved into the wall for his troubles.
[ SeeSaw ] “Your little friend is at Heritage Village.”
He shoves a piece of paper into Vigour’s mouth. The same one given to him by Sir Vant a couple weeks ago.
[ SeeSaw ] “Go on and rescue him, see how that works out for you.”
Laughing maniacally, SeeSaw skips off down the hallway.
Vigour shakes his head, rushing to Starboy’s side. Air returning to him, Starboy sits up and looks at Vigour.
[ Starboy ] “What th…”
[ Vigour ] “I don’t know what game he’s playing, but SeeSaw just gave me the location they’re keeping Kid at.”
Loudly coughing, Banzan rises up out of the clearing smoke, his reddened eyes barely visible under his drooping eyelids.
[ Banzan ] “It’s a trap.”
Starboy and Vigour lock eyes before turning to the Mountain.
[ Vigour ] “We know. We don’t give a fuck! We’re taking back our friend.”
As Vigour helps Starboy to his feet, Banzan looks on with a grim smile.
[ Banzan ] “I’ll handle SeeSaw, make sure he won’t interfere in your plans. And good luck, perhaps one day we’ll be able to have a calm meeting.”
The Rainbow Party head one way. Banzan the other.
And from just out of sight Sir Renault nods at what’s happened.
The net was cast, and it appears the fish have been caught.
ZERO, SIGIL, CORVUS & DEATHNOTE vs. SIR BELLATOR, SIMON, PYRE & LUKE STORM
Friends, enemies, knights templars, and fucking Simon. They’re all mismatched together in tonight’s main event, and what will transpire is anyone’s guess!
The bell rings and there’s some hesitation from both teams to start.
Luke Storm and Pyre game plan inside their corner of the ring, all the while eyeing Simon suspiciously while he stands on the apron with an overbearing grin on his face.
Seemingly detached from his teammates, Sir Bellator stands stoically on the adjacent side of the ring post from Simon, focusing on his opponents’ corner.
Meanwhile, on the opposite side of the ring there seems to be a disaster brewing.
Deathnote is pointing his finger in Sigil’s face, demanding he give him his missing notebook as they stand next to each other on the apron. Zero slumps over the top rope in disinterest on the adjacent side of the apron while Corvus looks over his shoulder at the dysfunction from inside the ring, snickering to himself.
Pyre shoots Simon a disgusted look and wearily steps through the ropes next to Sir Bellator, who continues to no-sell everything that’s occurring around him…
SIR BELLATOR IS PRAYING THE ROSARY!!
Corvus and Storm circle one another and tie up collar and elbow. Storm catches Corvus into a wrist lock and wrenches it in! Corvus after a moment front handsprings out and leg sweeps Storm down to the mat!
Without missing a beat, Corvus slips behind Storm as he rises and locks in a rear naked choke—
STORM REACHES FOR PYRE BUT HE IS TOO FAR AWAY!!
STORM REACHES UP AROUND CORVUS’S HEAD IN DESPERATION—
THE STUNNER KNOCKS CORVUS OFF HIM!!!
Before Storm can capitalize however, Deathnote blind tags himself in and sprints at Storm who is barely up on all fours—
STROKE OF THE PEN??
NO! STORM ROLLS AWAY JUST IN TIME TO AVOID CERTAIN DEMISE BY THE PUNT KICK!!
Storm and Pyre connect for a tag, and in comes Ms. Invasion…
Pyre sprints at Deathnote and right into a KITCHEN SINK that turns her inside out! Deathnote laughs as he pulls Pyre up by her hair—
BIG KNEE TO THE MIDSECTION!
The Shinigami knocked the wind out of her with that one, and pulls her up again, lifting her into a fireman’s carry—
GATHER THY SOUL!!
DID PYRE GO TO SLEEP?? COVER—
PYRE KICKS OUT OF THE GTS!!
Deathnote brings Pyre to her feet as she catches her breath. Irish whip into the ropes, Pyre rebounds right into a SPINNING HEEL KICK— NO, PYRE DUCKED IT! Pyre bounces off the opposite ropes as Deathnote lays flat on his stomach, hopping over him and rebounding off the ropes again right into the standing Deathnote who catches her into a TILT-A-WHIRL—
PYRE COUNTERS INTO A FLYING HEADSCISSORS!!
Deathnote is sent flying into his corner and he lets out an angry yell as he realizes that Sigil has blind-tagged himself in now!
Sigil steps through a portal off the apron and appears suddenly behind Pyre—
HEADBUTT TO THE BACK OF PYRE’S SKULL!!
THAT HELMET SHOULD BE CLASSIFIED AS A FOREIGN OBJECT!!
Sigil pulls the groggy Pyre by her hair and leans the Fire Bitch back over his knee…
IT’S A LONG ROAD AHEAD FOR PYRE!!!
After the barrage of elbows to Pyre’s face, she collapses to the mat as Sigil walks by his corner, faking a tag before swerving past his teammates to the adjacent corner and climbing the turnbuckle.
Pyre is stirring while Sigil climbs to the top. He must be thinking a top rope double stomp…
Sigil readies himself on the top rope—
ZERO SHOOK THE TOP ROPE BEFORE SIGIL COULD ATTEMPT THE PLANESTOMPER!!
Pyre slowly crawls towards her corner as Hollywood Storm reaches eagerly out for a tag…
Pyre inches closer as Corvus chastises Zero in their corner!
Sigil is grabbing his porthole in agony…
PYRE REACHES OUT—
NO! DEATHNOTE PULLS STORM OFF THE APRON FROM BEHIND INTO A REVERSE FIREMAN’S CARRY—
ONTO THE FLOOR!!
That Burning Hammer might have broken Storm’s neck, and now Pyre has to pick her poison as she looks from Sir Bellator over to Simon, back to Bellator, and back again to Simon—
Pyre reaches out—
AND FLIPS SIMON OFF!!
TAG TO BELLATOR!!!
The Templar hops the top rope and springboards backwards to the floor—
MOONSAULT ONTO DEATHNOTE!!
Bellator slides back in the ring and clubs Corvus in the face, knocking him down, before jumping onto the second rope and hitting a spinning back kick flush to Zero’s chin, dropping him to the mat!
Meanwhile, Sigil has slowly gotten back to his feet on the top turnbuckle…
Bellator escaleras up and catches him belly-to-belly—
SPANISH FLY INTO THE RING!!!
Bellator taunts Sigil with the sign of the cross before shoving a forearm into his face and hooking the leg—
SIGIL WILL NEED A HAIL MARY TO KICK OUT OF THIS ONE—
CORVUS RELUCTANTLY DRAGS BELLATOR OFF SIGIL FOR THE SAVE AT 2.999!!
Deathnote enters the ring now and teams up with Corvus, assaulting Bellator with a barrage of kicks and strikes. Deathnote traps Bellator’s arms behind him for Corvus—
THROAT THRUST UPPERCUT!
JUMPING ELBOW STRIKE—
CONNECTS!!! MURDER OF BLOWS!!!
Bellator drops to the mat as the ref tries to regain some form of control here, threatening Creeping Death with a disqualification while they whip Bellator into the ropes—
BELLATOR FRONT HANDSPRINGS OFF THE ROPES IN DESPERATION—
DOUBLE LETHAL INJECTION DROPS THEM BOTH!!
The ref rolls Creeping death out of the ring as Bellator looks to his corner—
Pyre and Storm are licking their wounds on the outside, and the last man standing is…
Sigil is crawling to his corner towards a less-than enthusiastic Zero, and Bellator must now make a choice.
He shakes his head—
And tags in the Taskmaster.
Simon steps into the center of the squared circle and points to Zero—
“Simon says, tag in!” He commands Zero.
Zero slaps the crawling Sigil on his helmet, and steps on him as he enters through the ropes, meeting Simon in the middle of the ring.
Zero stares daggers into Simon as he smiles in stark contrast and points down to the mat.
“Down boy.” He commands.
With a sneer, Zero lays flat as Simon laughs to the crowd.
Simon plants a foot on Zero’s chest and the ref counts—
NOT LIKE THIS—
NO— CORVUS KICK!! THE FLASH KICK TO SIMON’S FACE KNOCKS HIM OFF ZERO!!
Corvus confronts Zero and shoves him into his corner! The Crow is heated, but Zero simply points behind him, and Corvus turns around…
LIGHTNING STRIKE OUTTA NOWHERE!
Corvus stumbles about—
BAPTISM BY FIRE!!
Corvus is out on his knees—
DOUBLE MIDDLE FINGERS FROM STORM AND PYRE —
In comes Deathnote as Corvus drops in a heap—
KICK TO THE GUT BY ZERO—
PUNK CITY KILLER!!
THE STUNNER DROPS HIS OWN TEAMMATE!!!
Zero flips the bird over the Shinigami, but notices blind tag from behind him just before a portal opens up above the other two Bad Mother Fuckers…
THE DOUBLE DROPKICK KNOCKS BOTH PYRE AND STORM THROUGH THE ROPES TO THE OUTSIDE!!!
Sigil gets to his feet but immediately yelps out in pain as he drops to his knees—
CHOP BLOCK TO THE KNEE BY SIMON!!
FIREWALL BY ZERO!!
Sigil goes down, and Simon laughs as he stomps on Sigil’s knee—
Simon lifts Sigil’s leg and crosses over—
FIGURE FOUR LEGLOCK!!!
SIGIL CANT’T PORTAL OUT OF THIS!!!
Here comes Corvus—
AND YANKS HIS ARM INTO LA MISTICA—
YAHWEH’S LIGHT HAS TRANSCENDED THE BLACK HAND INTO THE ARM OF GOD!!!
CORVUS CAN’T MAKE THE SAVE—
AND SIGIL TAPS OUT!!!
The Grandmaster’s plan plays out to perfection, with his mole successfully sabotaging the match in Simon’s favor!
WINNERS: SIMON, LUKE STORM, PYRE & SIR BELLATOR
In the apartment of Kersh and Lane – two lovers from the future, brought back to the past by Sigil, there’s a frantic packing. Everything they’ve accumulated from this timeline is being thrust into suitcases.
[ Tank ] “Is that everything?”
[ Michaela ] “Yeah, that’s the lot.”
[ Tank ] “Okay, then make the call.”
She pulls out a cell phone and reluctantly goes to a number in the phonebook. She stops for a moment before pressing the button.
[ Michaela ] “Are sure this is the right number?”
[ Tank ] “There’s only one way to find out.”
Michaela clicks call and the phone begins ringing.
Just then, the apartment door blows off its hinges violently. Michaela and Tank are instantly startled, their faces white as sheet. Just then, figures enter the room that we can barely see, violently attacking them. Something is ripping them apart before our very eyes. Blood and viscera shoot in every which direction as Michaela and Tank are obliterated.
[ Michaela ] “T-T-TAAAAANKKKKKKK!”
[ Tank ] “ARRRGGHHHH!”
As their insides become outsides, and blood spurts across the room, Tank reaches out for Michaela with his last grasp, taking her hand.
And then he fades, dying with his eyes open, looking at hers.
[ Michaela ] “I… I love you…”
With those final words, Michaela succumbs to her injuries.
Torn apart, both Michaela and Tank lay bloodied, their bodies obliterated by an unknown force that we can barely see the outline of. There’s blood, skin and bone in every which direction. They wanted to escape; they wanted out – but it was too late.
On the floor, a distant and faint sound of someone weeping can be heard.
It’s coming from the phone.
We zoom in on it, looking at the name.
[ L ] “Hello? Please… Hello? Oh no… Oh God no..”