Portraits are our way of trapping memories, ya’dig?
Whether it’s your house, your momma’s house, or your momma’s momma’s house, the inside walls are occupied with frozen moments in time – when things just felt right across the universe.
You see all those beautiful goddamn smiles and the sun is just shining like you’ve never seen before. You want to tell yourself it’s probably that slippery shit they put on the photo, but no – these were real moments in settled lives.
They are confident with one another, and you can feel that in the way they embrace just before the flash goes off. They’re so proud of that moment that they’ll do whatever it takes to keep that memory alive.
But then something happens – drama, divorce, disconnection.
Suddenly, some of these people in these portraits don’t feel quite like family anymore. I can sense the seething between those smiling teeth – and I feel more threatened than I ever have before.
Suddenly, distance develops. You not only feel like you don’t know them, but also never see them anymore. There’s an idea of love there, but it’s barren – worn out, misaligned, and never appropriately corrected, ya’dig?
And sometimes, you just can’t do that.
All you can do is take the photos down, release the memories into the wild, and carry on like the wind blows. You’ll toss them in a pile somewhere in the corner of your space and pretend that they aren’t there – but you’re unwilling to throw them away just in case –
I took some shit, Tag.
I know you don’t understand that – trust me, I fucking get it.
I don’t know if I completely understand it, but the trip has been life-changing. I see things in a completely different form than ever before, and that includes the people that I encounter.
I love you like a fucking brother – but I see who you really are and what you really are, man. You remember what the one rule was from our days in the fucking pools, don’t you? Don’t let a motherfucker expose you. Well, what happens? That’s when that protective glass aura around you shatters into a million fucking pieces and every nook and every cranny about your soul – your existence – now rests on the table.
And the things I see aren’t good.
It’s like a fucking cancer without a cure – like a Zombie aimlessly wandering under the baking sun, melting away. You’re screaming internally and you don’t even know it – and it’s only a matter of time before it gets to the part of your brain that senses the actual pain your body is going through.
If all of that doesn’t connect the dots, then let me put it to you straight.
I have more reasons to take you away than reasons to resist.
All you had to do is stay away, God damn you.
All you had to fucking do was —
There’s an evil in you, and it’s harvesting until it can overwhelm.
I see it –
You’ll thank me afterwards.