Oi! I’m Chip Montana, and I’m grabbing nature…
BY THE BALLS!
And on this week’s episode, we venture into the depths of one bad motherfuckin’ volcano, as we attempt to track down the elusive FIRESNATCH!
Aye, mate. The Firesnatch is a mythical creature to many groups and cultures across the world. A bird pretty enough to stick your willy in, some have said. Others have compared the elusive Firesnatch to a Medusa or a Siren, a creature that sucks the vitality right out of a man’s willy.
But as a certified wildlife biologist, I have studied the mating habits and rituals of the Firesnatch, and I believe I have the recipe to capturing it.
Now, some men have tried capturing her by means of mindgames, treating the world like a chessboard, and the Firesnatch like the queen.
And perhaps that works if all you want to do is capture the Firesnatch.
But me willy aches, mate. And I wanna fuck that bird! And nothing turns off the Firesnatch more than shitty old board games.
So the first thing you have to do is have non-stop sexual escapades.
Now, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “Crikey, Chip! If I wanna fuck the elusive Firesnatch, what good does it do to fuck anything else?”
Well, the Firesnatch will burn your virgin willy right off mate. If you’re gonna fuck this bird, you’re going to need a lot of experience.
As experience is the only way to develop the lure required to survive fuckin the elusive Firesnatch!
That lure, you ask?
It’s called BDE.
With BDE, the Firesnatch will literally perform a Reverse Donald Trump and grab you right by the willy. You can do that when you’re a Firesnatch. They let you do it.
But to be one of the lucky, you have to develop BDE.
With the right amount of BDE you can be an absolute nerd, a loser, a zero, an ugly ol’ Black amputee with robot arms and legs, and it won’t even matter. You can whip your big ol’ black willy out and she’ll grab on and never let go.
Watch as the Firesnatch gets a whiff of that BDE. She spreads her wings and her legs at the same time! What a sight to behold!
So be sure to tune into this week’s episode as Chip Montana pulls his willy out and sticks it right in the Firesnatch!
After all, the Firesnatch, like other birds, may believe itself to be a queen. May believe itself to be a strong, independent bird. It may even believe itself to be a bad motherfucker.
But as a practicing biologist, I know the truth.
To beat this bird psychologically, all you have to do is make her believe you have a big giant willy.
And the elusive Firesnatch will fall right into your arms, and right onto your cock and balls.
So, whether you wanna catch the Firesnatch or an STD, the first step is the same.
Go throw that dickmeat around!