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Fear is a Real Son of a Gun

“Thank you for listening to WACA, and the Boswick Decorum Forum. I’m your host, Sebastian Boswick, signing off until next–“

“Mr. Boswick.”

“Ms. Perrywinkle, it’s impolite to interrupt.”

“I apologize, sir.”

“Apology accepted.”

“It’s just that, there is one more fan question, and though I’m not the host, I would just love to hear your thoughts on it.”

“Fair enough. After all, I’m interesting.”

“Dear Mr. Boswick, my name is Nancy, I’m 98 years old, and I’m living in a state of constant fear.”

“I’ll bet.”

“The world’s gone to shit and is completely fucked.”


“I don’t know what I’m more afraid of. The criminals running Zeus knows what all kinds of drugs, kids cussing out their parents and stabbing other kids, or the scam artists claiming I owe them money.”

“Mm. Preach, sister.”

“And like I said it’s like a whole mess of evil just butt fucked Arcadia and swirled it’s prick around on the way out.”



“So, what can I do to… You know… Stop being so afraid?”

“Well Nancy, I’ll tell ya, first things first, I’m disappointed in your choice of words. But I’ll tell ya what, I understand what you’re saying. I’ve seen fear cripple the brave, trample the innocent, and bully the kids. I’ve seen fear bite at the seems, tear apart the fabric, and urinate on the very cloth of society.

“I’ve seen fear destroy families. I’ve seen it drive men to bars, drive women to lawyers, drive wives to cheat, and drive husbands to commit suicide.

“Fear is a real son of a gun, Nancy. Make no mistake, when it shoots, it rarely misses. But when I shoot, I never miss. So let me explain to you something about fear.

“Fear is a coward.

“Fear has no backbone.

“When you look fear in the eye and you tell that son of a gun ‘It’s you and me, in a fight to the death, and one of us will not leave here alive,’ when you tell Fear, ‘I’m not gonna listen to you anymore,’

“When you look that gosh darn son of a gun in the eye and say, ‘Make a move you spineless, gutless coward.’

“Fear never makes the first move.

“He always runs away.

“Nancy there’s an old saying: The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. And heaven’s to Betsy, that’s one heck of a saying. But it’s wrong. Fear is nothing to be afraid of.

“Because only a fool would be afraid of a coward.

“And though fear may try to slide its serpent tongue into my ear, I am not afraid. I censor his tongue. When fear tries to infiltrate my thoughts, I am not afraid. I censor his will. When fear tries to rule my life, I am not afraid. I censor his sovereignty.

“Because I am not a fool. And neither are you.

“Ms. Perrywinkle, that was a sweet old lady. Let’s donate some money to her funeral.”

“But Mr. Boswick, she’s still alive.”

“…Sweetheart, she’s 98.”

Sebastian Boswick