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Eat Shit

Eat Shit

“Every time you preform a trick, no matter how prepared you are, there’s always a chance you eat shit.”

“I knew a guy who thought he was the smartest, most ingenious skater alive.”

“Every trick he did, right? He would agonize over his plans. He’d try and account for every little thing from the friction on his wheels to the slope of his ramp.”

“And yeah, he usually landed his tricks perfectly.”

“But you can never account for everything.”

“He had planned out his biggest stunt yet, his magnum fuckin’ opus that would put him on the map! All he needed to do was land this trick.”

“But as he plummeted down the ramp? Something snagged his board.”

“The wind blew a bit too hard.”

“Something out of his control went wrong at the exact right time, right?”

“And this dude ate shit.”

“He crashed to the concrete in a mangled mess, teeth knocked out, blood pouring from his ears.”

“The life gone from his eyes.”

“You know, Simon? I used to think you were so god damn smart. Every time you talked to me you had some new ideas, some fancy plan that you were setting in motion to take the world by force.”

“Like poisoning Luke Storm.”

“Or seducing Pyre.”

“Everything seemed to work out for you because you made sure to account for everything within your control, right? Nothing would escape your sight so long as you had time to plan.”

“But then you started fuckin’ with things you couldn’t control.”

“Shit that didn’t care about how smart you were or how prepared you were.”

“The moment you hung Wiz up from the rafters to try and trick us was the day you fucked up, Simon.”

“See, you tried your damndest to make us think it was Zero.”

“And yeah, it almost worked, man.”

“But then Ether and I? We knew better, dude.”

“You’re getting on the top of that ramp and getting ready to drop in for the biggest ride of your life! You’re so sure you have everything under control, nothing could stop you from landing unscathed on the other side, right?”


“Because we’re the kinda thing you can’t fuckin’ control.”

“We’re the bumps on ramp snagging your wheels.”

“The wind beneath your feet as you get thrown off of that board.”

“The fucking concrete you land face first on as everything you planned comes crumbling down around you!

“At Red Snow you’re going to come crashing down, man.”

“We’re gonna kick in your face, stomp out your teeth, and leave you lifeless on the fuckin’ ground.”

“Yeah, man. You’re about to eat shit.”

“By the time Red Snow you’ll be a lifeless corpse on the ground.”

“But Ether and I?”

“We’ll be standing tall, man. Two variables you couldn’t hope to control.”

“Now do me a favor, Simon.”

“Why don’t you stick your head between my legs and kiss your life goodbye.”

“Because you’re about to be tagged and body bagged.”