The worst time of my life was when I could only see in black and white. When the Ashen conquered Eden and made us all fucking zombified. When the beauty of life was snuffed out. I think it was worse because I’d known that beauty in life. I’d seen the colours and heard the songs and felt the sun on my cheek. When I lost all of that, the memories almost haunted me. Made me feel worse than ever.
But soon I forgot the rainbow shades. Soon just black and white ruled my life. And even though I was miserable I went along with it because that’s what those around me were doing. I thought that if I wanted to somehow survive this quagmire I’d found myself in I’d better fucking not stand out above the others. I refused to put my head above the parapet for fear of a bullet to the skull, right?
The issue is that no matter how the Ashen made me feel, the world isn’t black and white. It isn’t right and wrong. Left and right. God or no God. The world is infinitely more complicated than that. It’s beautiful exactly because of the variety. Think how many people are on just this one fucking planet, and then think that each and every single one of them has a completely unique brain wired to it’s own beat. That shit is fucking insane.
Sir Bellator is where I once was – haunted by the memory of his freedom. He’s experienced the shades of the world before, but his time with Vayikra has him shackled into believing it’s his way or nothing. The irony is that it is now Sanctus who only sees in black and white. His right and wrong is Vayikra or death. His idea of God or nothing. All a sham. The scriptures he pores over so diligently are fiction, scribbled by humans to control the masses. The actual Yahweh was here in OSW, and he didn’t give a shit who fucked who – that’s how you can tell it all means nothing.
Sanctus needs to open his eyes, and see the whole spectrum. He’ll soon see that the shades will appear in the rest of his life too. He’ll see that people are all different, and that’s okay. He’ll see that some men fuck other men, and some women fuck other women, and even aliens sometimes fuck, and all of that is okay too. And when he experiences that explosion of senses that comes with that realisation, he’ll understand why I search it out man. It’s a high like no other.
But it will never happen until he dares to lift his head above the parapet. Until he dares leave the cocoon of Vayikra and stand alone. Abandoning them is the key to abandoning this binary life he seems to hold close to his chest. There’s a saying that “you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone”, but I disagree. You don’t know what you missed until you find it again.
So come and find the rainbow, Sanctus.
Let’s do it now and do it loud!