I’m used to being looked at. Stared at as people pass me in the street. You’d think it wouldn’t bother me by now, and you’re half right.
People take one look at me and think “What the fuck is that!?”. I know it. You know. We all know it. And now everyone knows I’m one of them freaky extra-terrestrials it’s only gotten worse. It’s now moved on to people wanting to prod me. Poke me. Maybe tickle me or some shit, we don’t kink shame here.
It’s one thing to think of aliens but it’s another thing to come into contact with one, right? I’ve found that it’s a bit like someone meeting their favourite celebrity and being a bit star struck. They go shy and red in the face. They forget how to speak, or they hide behind a friend like I’m going to suddenly develop tentacles and devour them in one bite. The aliens from those fucking films have got a lot to answer for, let me tell you.
And that’s where it does start to bother me a little. The problem is I have feelings you know. It gets to me. I’m just like you in every way. Except biologically. And physically. And mentally. Fuck. I’m nothing like any of you fuckers, actually.
And now we’ve found a way to move this obsession with me on further. Not content with prodding and poking or stroking these luscious locks, now I’m up against someone who wants to literally suck the blood out of me. Well she wants to suck the blood out of everyone, technically, but that includes me. The problem is whilst you can suck the blood out of most men or women, and satisfy your need, that doesn’t work on me. Drain their blood and you’ll drain their fucking spirit.
But you’ll never drain me, and you’ll never drain my spirit.
Whilst their blood is like a nice refreshing cream soda, cooling and soothing your every desire, my blood is like drinking bleach. It will burn you inside out. It will end your world. I hear that vampires can be killed by a silver bullet – consider my blood a stream of molten silver, coursing through your body and solidifying, cracking you open from the inside out. I’ve seen those films where the vampires crack into dust at dawns first light. You’ll beg for such a mercy once my blood hits your lips.
Pucker up those lovely lips, bare those razor sharp fangs and suck me dry, bitch, because the only outcome it will bring is pain and suffering for you, and another fun night for me. I’ll even make sure it’s filmed for all to see, especially Starboy – he’d love that shit.
Still, if this is your final meal on death row, there’s a lot shittier dishes you could be sampling.
You want to feast so bad? Let’s do it now, and do it loud!