“Remember when my mom got cancer, Wiz?”
“It was fucking rough, I swear I spent the whole first night crying my eyes out while you and Ether tried to keep me together.”
“Now, the worst thing about cancer? You gotta fight it before it gets any worse. And there’s only one way to do that, right?”
“Chemo.”
“God, saying the word makes me wanna puke.”
“You remember what it does, right?”
“It beats the shit out of you.”
“When you start injecting that shit inside of you it doesn’t care what it’s killing, it starts tearing down fucking everything around it and you just sit there hoping it gets the cancer while it does its job.”
“My mom was unrecognizable on the stuff. No hair, no smile, her personality was fucking gone until the day we were finally told she was in remission.”
“And even then? We were worried that it could come back, it was the most terrifying fucking thing I could think of happening to me. I couldn’t go through it again.”
“But here we are, man. I ain’t here to tell you my mom has cancer again though, dude. Nah, she’s been in remission for ten years.”
“Nah, I’m sad because there’s a whole new kind of cancer patient in my life and his name is Wolfgang Ignatius Zar.”
“The diagnosis? Snake Cancer, courtesy of being too close to a Viper Mill for too long.”
“Look at yourself, Wiz. Viper? His snakepit? It’s burrowing inside of you and killing you slowly. He’s using you as a host for his disease and you’re just sitting there refusing to do anything about it. He’s a fucking cancer in your mind and a cancer in our friendship.”
“I told you that I can’t stand to watch someone else go through cancer again, right? But you don’t give me a choice, man. I can’t sit back and just watch you die for the venom in your veins.”
“So I’m gonna do what I gotta do, man.”
“I’m putting you on a hefty fucking dose of chemo.”
“And it ain’t the medical shit that my mom went through, dude.”
“Nah, Between Fuck and You is a medical appointment at the Tag Cancer Clinic.”
“Cause I’m the chemo, Wiz.”
“And I’m going to kick the living shit out of you until every last cancerous cell and fucked up Viper-filled thought leaves your body.”
“I want you to know that every Truck Fuck, McTwist, Starfade, and Sprayback is me doing what needs to be done. I’m going to beat you black and blue, maul you in ways a halfpipe never fucking could.”
“Ether and I ain’t gonna recognize you afterwards. You’ll be so fucking bruised and broken that you ain’t gonna look right for a long time.”
“I’m gonna tear you apart and kill you slowly until you’re Viper free.”
“It’s gonna hurt.”
“You’re gonna wish you would just die already.”
“But remember, man.”
“I’m doing it because I love you.”