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During my first mission to the Planet Earth, there were a few things that I wanted to do – you know, to jive with the extraterrestrials, man.

I wanted to have sex with a female human being, smoke some of the blue planet’s herbs, and – gamble, man – especially since it’s considered a crime punishable by death in my neck of the universe.

So when I touched down, I immediately went on a journey to find what Momma called a “playground for desert people”.

Turns out, that was just Las Vegas – and those desert people, from what I gathered, were rich.

So, after me and a beautiful earthwomen shared bodies and got astronomically high in an RV next to an air force base, I decided to take her on a night out to the only place you take a lady in the playground for desert people – a casino, man.

In my research, this is where you go get rich – and stay rich, and get richer.

If I was going to be here for a while, I wanted to have everything – the big house, the phat car, and a swimming pool that’s in the shape of my cock.

I’d imagine being rich would probably take care of that.

As soon as I hear the bells of the slot machines going off, I have an instant erection. I mean, imagine a red carpet, right? And then imagine that carpet leads you directly to the most beautiful lights you’ve ever seen, and a bunch of machines that put money in to get more money.

Now that shit… was an illusion, man.

Turns out the girl was a rep for the casino – and this was a way to market people to go there. And all of those earthly funds I had? The fuckin’ casino took them, man. And you know what was even worse about it?

The desert people wouldn’t give it back.

I even asked one of them if I could have a little bit – even made sure to address them as a desert person all gentlemen-like, and then another, much larger desert person listen me up in fell swoop and sat me down on the sidewalk.

And that’s why I don’t trust desert people – you get me, Wild Karrde? You’re just a part of that big, illuminated illusion. You seem to offer so much at first glance –

There’s excitement and the adventurousness – a beautiful lack of discipline.

You’re the type of guy that I’d initially like to have as a co-pilot on my next flight to Zueverus – because there’s a sense of fun there that gets easy to superimpose your focus on if you don’t blink for a second in order to see its glitches.

But, it all becomes a great façade. You ultimately lead to underwhelming disappointment, because our kind doesn’t break promises when someone gets too vulnerable to get away.

Well, I’m not vulnerable, Karrde.

It took me experiencing the elegance of something in order to see its falsities, and I guess it’s time for me to do that again –

In order to see yours, man.