Hi there! I’m Chip Montana! And I’m grabbing nature…
By the balls!!!
And today is a special day, me Montaniacs! Because guess what?
I’m hunting pussy!!
And I’m not just hunting any pussy, mate. I’m hunting a big pussy.
And the thing about the particular kind of pussy I’m hunting, is its not the biggest pussy in the world by any stretch.
In fact, this big pussy… Is a Lion.
The King of the Jungle!!
And the lion is not the biggest animal in the animal kingdom. Its not the smartest. Its not the fastest. Out here, there are elephants as big as mountains, the snakes that can outwit and control the situation, cheetahs that are so fast they are practically on wheels.
So what makes this pussy the king of the jungle?
His mentality.
His belief that whenever its time to prowl, he’s not the prey, he’s the predator.
The Lion doesn’t know that he’s a big pussy. He believes he’s the biggest, baddest motherfucker around. And because he doesn’t know it, those he encounters seem to believe it.
The elephant as big as a mountain, who could stomp it to death if he wanted to, is usually taken down and feasted on.
I once observed a snake try to control the lion, only to discover his was a mentality that made it uncontrollable.
And the cheetahs out here are just fast enough to skate away when the lion shows up.
The whole animal kingdom seems to signal to the lion exactly what he believes. Out here, in the jungle, he is king.
But not me, mate.
I know a big pussy when I see one.
And you wanna know the best way to hunt down a lion? The best way to take that big pussy down?
You whip the big gun out that you keep in your pants and you fire that thing right at that big pussy.
But, if you’re like me, the gun in your pants has a tendency to uh… Misfire.
So what’s the next best thing?
You show the lion what it really is.
And you step into its domain, and wrestle the bitchmade cat into submission!
The Lion can only do big pussy things. It can roar and scratch and bite. It can call its friends for help…
And, most importantly mate, it can absolutely get fucked.
The best thing about me is as an animal expert, I am capable of learning from the animal kingdom. I can fuck it like any animal I damn well please. I can adapt its entire repetoire to my own.
I can stretch that big pussy like an octopus. I can clutch it like its a camel. I can press that big fucking pussy like a gorilla. I can stomp it like an elephant. I can flip it like a monkey.
Because I’m Chip fucking Montana. And if I can grab nature by the balls, I can fuck a bitchmade cat.
That’s why I’m Chip Montana: Big Pussy Hunter.