Static covers the screen as a Play ► symbol appears in the bottom right-hand corner.
Zero prepares for his match tonight against Simon, stretching in the backstage area. For a month he’s been treated like a dog and tonight, he plans to end it and retrieve his divorce papers.
Only a clearing of one’s throat interrupts him.
It’s the Taskmaster.
[ Simon ] “I’ve been looking for you everywhere, dog.”
Zero grimaces, turning to face him slowly.
[ Zero ] “This modern slavery bullshit ends tonight. You fuckin’ understand, mother fucker? Tonight, I’m gonna beat your ass and when I’m done, you gotta give me those papers.”
Simon chuckles, shaking his head.
[ Simon ] “Dogs don’t call the shots; they obey their masters. Did you really think it was going to end here? I don’t think so. I’m having way too much fun.”
The World Champion finally snaps, pinning Simon against the wall to cheers from the fans.
[ Simon ] “Don’t bite the hand that feeds you, little doggie. There’s no kibble for a disobedient pup and we both know that those papers are your bread and butter. You wouldn’t be here if you didn’t need them, would you?”
Reluctantly, Zero releases him.
[ Simon ] “As I suspected.”
[ Zero ] “You can’t do this forever, you cunt. At some stage, you’ll have to give me the papers or I’ll fuckin’ kill you.”
[ Simon ] “I’ll give you the papers, pup; at Ring of Dreams. But before we get there, you have to do two more things for me and that’s it.”
[ Zero ] “The fuck you want now? A beverage? A fuckin’ bank robbery? Spit it out, bitch.”
The Taskmaster chuckles to himself again.
[ Simon ] “The first thing you’re going to do is tonight, and we’ll discuss that later. The second thing you’re going to do is step aside whilst I and Jet Set Radio destroy Luke Storm and Pyre at Ring of Dreams – 2 versus 4.”
The Champion doesn’t even hesitate.
[ Zero ] “Done.”
Backstage at the Slaughterhouse and we cut to a group of a dozen rabbits. Standing before them… one Chip Montana. He is holding his trusty butterfly net and a sack.
[ Chip Montana ] “Here we have a group of rabbits. A gaggle? A horde? No… A fluffle of pesky little blighter bunnies. Finally, I’ve tracked you down you pesky little blighter. Don’t think you can hide from me. I know which one you are, Dave.”
He scours the group which stands still before him, knowing that he only has space in his sack for one bunny. Chip need to make the right decision.
[ Chip Montana ] “How does one tell a magician’s rabbit from the rest of the fluffle? It’s actually quite simple…”
He swipes his net and with a single swift motion, picks up one of the rabbits hiding in the middle of the group.
[ Chip Montana ] “It’s the one wearing the bow-tie.”
He looks upon Dave with a sense of satisfaction and victory. Reaching down to take the rabbit from the net and put it in his sack, but pulls his finger away as the bunny bites him.
[ Chip Montana ] “Oweeey…. You dang pesky critter!”
The rabbit dashes away and Chip follows it. Before long, he finds himself wandering into gorilla position, where two other figures stand before him, mid conversation.
[ Chronoa ] “We’ve danced this dance for long enough now. Just tell me what you know.”
Kaine stares into her eyes, not noticing the Bunny that now cowers behind Chronoa’s legs, or the pesky Aussie creeping into the fray.
[ Kaine Knightlord ] “Do you really think I’d just give away what I know? You haven’t told me anything worthy of me giving away anything.”
Chronoa pauses for a moment, trying to read Kaine’s expression.
[ Chronoa ] “Everything that happened that day. It comes back to Impaler, I know that much. He is the source, and I need to find out why or how.”
At this, Kaine smiles.
[ Kaine Knightlord ] “Ah yes… I was there. Night City, following after Lucien. I saw what happened… But that’s it. All I saw was death and all I experienced was loss. I know not why.”
[ Chronoa ] “That’s it?! Why didn’t you just say so?”
Again, Kaine smiles.
[ Kaine Knightlord ] “Because, you just revealed to me something I had suspected but not known for sure. As little as Impaler interests me, I know now there is more to him than there appears.”
Chronoa looks set to strike, but is cut off as Chip Montana launches at her, diving at the Rabbit but knocking her over in the process. They tumble to the ground in a tangle of legs, arms and butterfly net. Dave the Rabbit dashes off again, through the curtain towards the Slaughterhouse entranceway.
[ Chip Montana ] “One way or another, I’m catching that pesky critter. I’ve had enough of you two blocking me. To arms, assholes!”
Chip slaps Chronoa across the face and starts off towards the entrance curtain. Chronoa and Knightlord, perplexed for a moment, follow shortly after.
TRIPLE THREAT MATCH
CHRONOA vs. KAINE KNIGHTLORD vs. CHIP MONTANA
Chip Montana makes his way toward the ring, continuing the chase for Dave The Rabbit as Chronoa and Kaine Knightlord…and with all three competitors in the ring, the ref calls for the bell to kick this match off!
Chip pays no mind to this, focusing his attention on the rabbit…which leaves Kaine and Chronoa to go after each other, eager to get some answers the hard way!
The two trade blows, as each shows their power and perseverance causing no clear advantage over the other…until Chronoa catches Knightlord with an Irish whip!
Only the Dark Detective doesn’t get sent into the ropes, or the turnbuckle…instead colliding with Montana, raising his ire!
Chip shoves Kaine away…and right into a clothesline by Chronoa!
Montana shouts at the fallen Knightlord, letting him know not to get in his way again as he focuses on the ever-dodgy rabbit.
Chronoa uses the momentary distraction to connect with a leg drop on Knightlord, blindsiding him with the leg across the throat of the Hellbat!
Chronoa goes for a cover…but Dave The Rabbit hops onto her back!
And where Dave goes, Chip is sure to follow…dropping right onto the Keeper of History and breaking the ensuing count in the process!
Chronoa gets to her feet, and she’s the one now shouting at Montana, angry at his interference. This devolves into a full-on shouting contest between the two…followed by Chronoa going for a hard right hand!
But it’s dodged by Montana, who catches the Harbinger of Fate with an Irish whip into the corner before charging at her…and sending her back up and over!
Chronoa drops to her back on the canvas, as Chip gets to his feet with a cheeky smirk on his face before looking around for the rabbit…only to get dropped with a forearm strike by the now-standing Knightlord!
Kaine absolutely refusing to let Montana get him distracted from his mission as the ShadowBat lays into Chip with some hard kicks, leading to one particularly connecting to the gut to double him over…giving Kaine the opening he needs to go for a ripcord clothesline!
But a rising Chronoa drops him with a chop block before he can follow up with the northern lariat!
This leaves both of the men down on the canvas as Chronoa slowly gets to her feet…but she isn’t finished just yet.
Not by a long shot.
She sees Chip rolling out of the ring, hoping to take a breather and regroup as Kaine comes to.
He gets to his feet…but Chronoa is powering up!
She hits the ropes for momentum, and is ready to unleash hell on the Hellbat!
Chronoa connects with a Clothesline From Hell made famous by Nightstick, which sends Knightlord flipping onto the canvas from the impact…but the momentum forces him to roll out of the ring as well!
Before she can follow up, however, Chronoa is distracted as something hops through the ropes into the ring.
That damned rabbit.
Quickly followed by an excited Chip Montana sliding into the ring to fetch it!
“Oi, come to ol’ Chippy!”
The rabbit refuses to comply, instead hopping between the legs of the Keeper of History, who does not look amused.
To be fair, neither does Montana.
“Leave my rabbit alone, ya bugger!”
He charges at the Harbinger of Fate, unleashing a flurry of offense that brings her down hard. Feeling he might be able to put this to an end, Chip hoists her up and over, delivering a sitout tombstone piledriver!
DOWN UNDER DRIVER!
This could be it as Chip makes the cover!
Knightlord slowly stirring on the outside…
…and he’s back to his feet, but can’t make it to the ring as Dave hops onto him from the apron at just the right moment!
Chip gets back to his feet, overjoyed as the ref raises his arm in victory…but his joy is soon turned into disappointment as he watches Dave hopping away from ringside!
WINNER: CHIP MONTANA
“CRY FOR HELP”
In an unknown alleyway, likely somewhere close to Heritage village, Sigil stands wearing his cloak, lurking in the shadows. He’s waiting for a guest, who eventually turns up – likewise cloaked.
It’s Sir Bellator.
[ Sigil ] “Thank you for coming. I… I..”
He can barely get the words out.
[ Sigil ] “I have some bad news.”
Sanctus folds his arms; his eyes focused on Sigil.
[ Sigil ] “Someone murdered Jay, Tank and Michaela.”
Immediately, Sanctus unfolds his arms – he’s clearly shocked.
[ Sir Bellator ] “What!?”
[ Sigil ] “I’m so sorry, Sanctus. I wanted to warn you because you could be next. I know you’re involved with Vayikra and I know you’re trying to resurrect Yahweh, but whoever did this isn’t going to stop and take pause. They want to hurt me.”
[ Sir Bellator ] “What do you truly want from me, Sigil? I appreciate your warning, but I haven’t been involved in legacy for a long time. If they were going to come for me, they’d have come already.”
That makes the Collector pause.
[ Sigil ] “If that’s true, then I need your help.”
There’s a pause.
[ Sir Bellator ] “Vayikra won’t fight for you.”
Sigil shakes his head, sorrowfully.
[ Sigil ] “I don’t want anyone to fight for me. I’m so close to killing Death and taking the last crystal. Everything I’ve worked for over these past few years are coming to its conclusion. The end is nigh, and I need your help to find out who killed our friends. I need to know if I’m responsible and if so, I need to make it right.”
[ Sir Bellator ] “I’ll help you, old friend.”
Sanctus offers a handshake that Sigil accepts.
[ Sigil ] “Thank you.”
[ Sir Bellator ] “But it won’t be for you; it’s for them.”
THE IMPALER vs. LUCY SERAPHINA
Can the kindred unearth the legion’s secret tonight?
The bell rings and Seraphina immediately sprints at Impaler, urgently grappling him with all her might in an attempt to get the edge on this matchup.
IMPALER SHOVES HER OFF HIM AND SHE LANDS HARD, ASS-FIRST ON THE CANVAS!
Taken off guard by Impaler’s strength, Lucy shakes it off as Impaler stands stoically in the middle of the ring like sailor readying himself for the oncoming storm.
Lucy jolts back to her feet and lunges at Impaler again in a front grapple—
IMPALER TOSSES HER AGAIN TO THE CANVAS WITH EASE!!
Lucy pops up and jumps back at Impaler one more time as he holds his arms out in anticipation—
Impaler lets out a yelp and eases up his stance in a turn of events that sees Lucy take control of Impaler—
SHE SUNK HER CLAWS INTO HIS SIDES!!
Lucy cackles as she digs her nails in deeper.
“Where’s Lucien?” she growls…
A double axe handle smash from above stuns Lucy but she maintains her nail pressure on Impaler’s sides—
ANOTHER DOUBLE AXE HANDLE SMASH!!
That did the trick as Lucy collapses chest first into the canvas. But Impaler is done being passive. He locks in a double underhook and locks Lucy’s head between his legs as he yanks up on her arms with terrifying might—
PULLING THE WINGS OFF A MOTH!
You can hear the muffled screams from Lucy as Impaler shows the crowd a grim, devious smirk, enjoying every second of this torture before he lifts Lucy, her legs pointing straight up to the sky, stalling…
THE CROWD BEGINS COUNTING AS THE SECONDS TICK BY, IMPALER STILL HOLDING LUCY UP IN A DOUBLE UNDERHOOK!!
And with that twenty count, Impaler sits out and viciously spikes Lucy on her head—
TIGER DRIVER ‘98!!
IF SERAPHINA WASN’T IMMORTAL HER NECK WOULD SURELY BE BROKEN AFTER THAT!!
Impaler rolls ontop of Lucy and puts pressure on her shoulders as the ref counts—
HAS LUCE REGENERATED HER CERVICAL SPINE IN TIME TO KICK OUT??
THE ANGELIC ASSASSIN SPAT BLOOD INTO THE IMPALER’S EYES AND HE LETS UP BEFORE THREE!!!
Legion is reeling backwards, blinded by a taste of his own medicine as he pulls himself up on the ropes unawares—
LUCY HAS WRAPPED HERSELF AROUND HIM AND THE ROPES INTO THE BITE OF THE DRAGON!!
“ONE! TWO!! THREE!!! FOUR!!!! F—“
Lucy releases MALICE’S BITE just before the ref’s five count but the damage has been done, and as Impaler slowly gets up disoriented, the Sovereign of Silence bounces off the ropes towards him and grabs hold of his neck, using her momentum to turn him inside out with a swinging neck breaker—
VAMPIRE’S BLOOD!! COVER—
IMPALER KICKS OUT!!
THE ANGEL OF WISDOM WILL NEED TO DIG DEEPER TO WIN THIS ONE!!
Both competitors to their feet and Lucy uses her long sharp claws to her advantage again—
Impaler arches his back and topples into the ropes in pain, being followed closely by Lucy, who bounces Impaler off the ropes into an Irish whip, but Impaler is too heavy and counters it, sending Lucy fast into the ropes and it’s to late for her when she speeds right into an oncoming Dread Pirate Rogers—
THE RUNNING LARIAT TURNS SERAPHINA INSIDE OUT!!
The Many signals for the end as Lucy groggily makes a move off the mat right into him and he lifts her up high over his shoulder and into the corner…
The Multitude runs forward—
BUT LUCY HAS DISAPPEARED FROM HIS GRASP!!
LUCY HELD ONTO THE TURNBUCKLE AND IS PERCHED ON THE TOP ROPE—
IMPALER TURNS TO SEE LUCY JUMPING AT HIM IN MID-AIR!!
SHE WRAPS HER LEGS AROUND HIS HEAD AND DROPS DOWN—
IMPALER CAUGHT HER!!
Impaler lifts her back up high onto his shoulder and charges again—
Impaler pins his arm on Lucy’s chest into the canvas after that massive running single-arm powerbomb—
SWEET DREAMS, CREATURE OF THE NIGHT!!
Seraphina took Impaler to the limit- but Impaler proved even Vampires can black out to his might!
WINNER: THE IMPALER
“SHOW OF FORCE”
We’re backstage after Lucy Seraphina’s match. She’s breathing heavily after the brutal match with Impaler. She looks down the hall and sees a silhouette and seems to recognize it.
[ Lucy Seraphina ] “Lucien? Lucien, is that you?”
The shadow turns but runs away down the hall.
[ Lucy Seraphina ] “No! Don’t! Just…”
She’s interrupted by the hulking mass that is Impaler.
[ The Impaler ] “When will you get it? He doesn’t have any interest in being a part of whatever it is you got you and him involved in.
[ Lucy Seraphina ] “Fuck you.”
Lucy spits as she pushes past Impaler who grabs her by the neck and slams her into the wall.
[ The Impaler ] “It’s about time little shits like you get sorted. You were there not long before Night City, but you don’t seem to remember what I’m capable of.”
Just then lights start to flicker and pop as Impaler grows in size as his rage grows. Lucy, as if sensing the danger she’s in, shrinks.
[ Lucy Seraphina ] “Ok. Ok.”
Impaler settles down as he releases Lucy’s grip. Just then the Angel of Silence grabs a dagger and drives it into the side of Legion.
[ Lucy Seraphina ] “Show as much force as you want, Impaler. But I won’t stop looking for my brother. So, unless you have something useful to say, stay the fuck out of my way. Maybe Chronoa had a point about you.”
Impaler looks down at the dagger, pulling it out as if it was nothing but a splinter. Lucy is smart enough to know she’s better not sticking around and takes off. A small shockwave rattles the hall as Impaler looks in her direction.
[ The Impaler ] “I’m sure she told you a lot. Maybe it’s time I shut her up. Fucking vampires.”
Impaler growls as he takes off after the Vampiress.
WIZ vs. TAG
The tightest of fraternal bonds was shattered when Wiz was revealed as Viper Robert’s snake inside The Slaughterhouse. The betrayal rocked Tag to the core but will the friendship between The Purple Pelican and Mr Money Shot survive this meet inside The Slaughterhouse?
Wiz is inside the ring, Tag glides down to the ring on Cassandra, leaping off the board onto the apron and smoothly into a front flip over the top rope. Staring down his best friend, Tag runs in and lands a haymaker. Wiz stumbles back against the ropes. Tag hits the ropes and runs back at Wiz.
WIZ SPINS BACKWARDS HEAD FIRST OVER THE TOP ROPE!!!!
Tag climbs to the top rope as Wiz gets to his feet Sexy Dynamite goes to the air.
SHOOTING STAR PRESS ONTO THE PURPLE PELICAN!!!
Tag drags Wiz up and rolls him into the ring. Mr Money Shot is on the top rope.
FIVE STAR FACIAL!!!
The mid-air enziguri stuns Tag. Wiz covers…
Wiz lifts his fellow Jet Setter up. Irish whip into the corner, then a monkey flip from The Sultan of Funk. Wiz onto the top rope.
Tag got knees up to that sloppy backflip splash. Sexy Dynamite rolls his friend over.
Both men are already breathing hard from the relentless pace. Tag hoists Wiz up.
Wiz slides out. Kick to the gut.
THE BOOM BOOM!!!!!
FLOAT OVER DDT!!!
Wiz drops and hooks the legs…
NO! SHOULDER UP!!!
Wiz is outside the ring. He slides a table inside.
This won’t end well!
The Purple Pelican slides another table into the ring. Then a steel chair.
As Wiz gets back into the ring.
FIVE STAR FACIAL!!!!!
THAT’LL SHAKE OFF THE COBWEBS!!!
Wiz drops to his knees. Tag grabs Cassandra.
SKATEBOARD TO THE HEAD!!!
WIZ DUCKS THE ATTEMPTED TRUCK FUCKED!!!!
AND COUNTERS WITH THE JANKY LEG!!!!
Tag is hobbling around the ring, Wiz grabs him.
ODE TO THE SNAKE!!!!!
WIZ PAYS TRIBUTE TO VIPER ROBERTS!!!!
Has Wiz beaten Tag with that move?
SO DAMN CLOSE!!!!
Wiz pounds the mat and heads to the top rope. He signals.
Tag leaps up and pulls down the ropes. Wiz is nut busted on the top turnbuckle. Tag joins him.
FROM THE TOP ROPE TO THE STEEL CHAIR!!!!!!
THE PURPLE PELICAN’S BRAIN MAY HAVE EXPLODED WITH THE IMPACT!!!!
IT’S 2.9999999999 AS WIZ KICKS OUT!!!!
Tag grabs one of the tables Wiz introduced earlier, he leans it against a turnbuckle. The other he sets upright. What designs does Sexy Dynamite have here?
Mr Money Shot grabs the Sultan of Funk, but as he lifts him Wiz nails a low blow! It’s the breather that the snake needs. Wiz scrambles to the ropes. Tag is on his knees, wincing in pain. Wiz runs him down with a knee to the temple. Dropping over Mr Money Shot, the Purple Pelican hooks the legs…
It’s a tired save by Tag. It was a lethargic cover by Wiz. How much more can these two give?
They get to their feet at the same time in the middle of the ring and trade a few punches. They can barely stand. Tag attempts a haymaker but Wiz ducks, pushing Tag words the corner table. Tag runs up it though and flips backwards, landing behind Wiz who has tried to follow through.
THROUGH THE TABLE!!!!
Tag surely has Wiz beaten, but he wants one more big spot. That cherry on the cake!
Mr Money Shot lifts Wiz onto the remaining upright table. Climbing to the top rope, Tag gesticulates rudely at Wiz.
THROUGH THE TABLE!!!!!!
TAG USED WIZ’S FINISHER AGAINST HIM!!!
Tag hooks the legs…
Tag beats his friend inside the squared circle – but what remains of their fraternity?
With the match over, Tag and Wiz are naturally exhausted. They’ve been to hell and back tonight, and they’re not quite finished yet.
They both get back to their feet and meet in the middle of the ring again, squaring off.
Tag pushes Wiz.
Wiz pushes Tag.
[ Voice ] “Enough!”
Suddenly, a loud booming voice interrupts them – it belongs to Ether, who storms out onto the ramp way with a microphone and makes her way to the ring.
She slides in and gets between them both.
[ Ether ] “I’ve had enough of this fucking shit!”
There’s a roar from the Lioness that shocks them both.
[ Ether ] “Whilst you two fuckin’ assholes have been fighting between yourselves, I’ve been getting my ass handed to me by bMf. Remember those guys? They’re the reason we’re here in the fucking first place.”
Both guys look down at the ground.
[ Ether ] “Fuckin’ tell him why you did it, Wiz.”
Wiz kicks around for a moment, almost shamefully.
[ Wiz ] “I did it for Bootsy.”
That shocks Tag, who recoils somewhat with the news.
[ Wiz ] “He’s dying, man.”
Tag looks at Ether, who confirms the information with a nod.
[ Wiz ] “Viper told me that if I joined his snakes, he’d fund experimental treatment to help save his life. I drunk that liquid and ever since, I’ve felt obsessed with love for him.”
He pauses for a minute, tearing up.
[ Wiz ] “And now Viper has abandoned me; he’s vanished off the face of the Earth and Bootsy isn’t getting the treatment he needs. I feel fuckin’ helpless, ya dig?”
Tag closes in and puts an arm around him, giving him a hug.
[ Tag ] “You should’ve told us…”
Wiz nods in agreement.
[ Wiz ] “I know, but my hands were tied. I couldn’t betray him – my body, mind and soul wouldn’t let me. You have no idea how it feels, Tag. I love Viper Roberts more than anything in the world; he’s my friend, my mentor, my family – I can’t break that bond no matter how much I want to. Even now, he’s all I can think about. I’m consumed. I need help.”
Ether joins them both in a three way hug.
[ Ether ] “We’ll find a way to break this bond, I promise.”
LUKE STORM & PYRE vs. ETHER
Pyre and Storm have been bullying poor Ether all month! And now The Hungry Girl has no choice but to fight her tormentors head on!
Ether hits the ropes immediately as the bell rings and she skates towards Storm with fire in her eyes! She leapfrogs over his head and springboards off of the ropes with blinding speed!
SPRINGBOARD ROUNDHOUSE KICK TO THE JAW OF STORM!
THE A-LISTER JUST GOT KNOCKED DOWN TO INDIE FLICKS WITH THAT ONE!
The Hungry Girl doesn’t stop though! She hits the ropes again and rebounds around the ring as she launches herself at Storm!
DROP TOE HOLD! ETHER’S SPEED WORKS AGAINST HER AND SHE SKIPS ACROSS THE CANVAS LIKE A STONE ON WATER!
She tries to get up but Storm rushes her with a massive rising knee to her jaw! Ether gets knocked silly and Luke peels her up before laying into her with a ferocious combination of punches! Each one lands flush before he whips her across the ring!
BLOCKBUSTER! STORM JUST PLANTED ETHER AND HE COVERS!
TWO- NO! ETHER DOESN’T EVEN LET THE TWO COUNT THROUGH!
Luke grabs her by the hair to force her up-
BUT GETS A LOLLIPOP DOWN THE THROAT! LOLLIPOP KILL HAS HIM CHOKING ON CANDY!
The Hungry girl lays into him with a malicious backhand before grabbing him and running him shoulder first into his turnbuckle! Ether is on him like white on rice!
AND SHE GRABS PYRE BY THE HAIR! HEADBUTT TO PYRE! ETHER GRABS HER AND FORCES HER TO TAG STORM BEFORE DRAGGING HER OVER THE ROPES!
The Fire Bitch leaps to her feet!
BAPTISM BY FIRE! SUPERKICK!
ETHER DUCKED THE KICK AND STORM GETS ALL OF IT AS HE GETS KNOCKED OVER THE ROPES!
ETHER STRIKE BY THE HUNGRY GIRL! SPINNING HEEL KICK LANDS FLUSH AS BLOOD ARCS FROM PYRE’S LIPS!
The Bad Random isn’t fucking around here tonight as she lays into a downed Pyre with skate laden boots! Each one connects with vicious intent before she hits the ropes again!
AND COMES BACK INTO A FIREY CLOTHESLINE BY PYRE! ETHER IS OUT ON HER BACK AND PYRE IS LOOKING DERANGED AS SHE MOUNTS HER!
Pyre shows no mercy as The Red Queen pounds away at Ether with lefts, rights, and hammer fists! Blood drips from Ether’s nose as Pyre mauls her like a wild animal!
SCRATCH TO THE FACE! ETHER RETALIATES AND ROLLS ON TOP OF PYRE BEFORE RETURNING THE FAVOR WITH HER OWN MAULING! THESE TWO ARE TEARING EACH OTHER APART!
Pyre kicks Ether off of herself and rolls to her feet! She hits the turnbuckle, running to the top before leaping off!
FIREBALL! MASSIVE FLAMING CANNONBALL SENTON HITS ETHER IN THE CHEST!
THREE!- NO! ETHER KICKS OUT AT 2.999999 AND FORCES PYRE OFF OF HERSELF!
Pyre yanks Ether to her feet-
FUCK YA FACE! ETHER LANDS THE SOLE FOOD AND KICKS PYRE AWAY! THE FIRE BITCH LANDS IN HER CORNER AND LUKE TAGS HIMSELF IN! HE LEAPS OVER THE ROPES WITH A CLOTHESLINE THAT NAILS ETHER!
Ether has taken a beating but she refuses to stay down! Storm rolls to his feet and begs The Hungry Girl to do the same! As soon as she’s on two feet he strikes!
LIGHTNING STRIKE! SUPERKICK!
ETHER BOUNCES OFF OF THE ROPES!
LIGHTNING STRIKES TWICE!
LIGHTNING STRIKES A THIRD TIME!?
ETHER DUCKS IT AND EXPLODES WITH A MASSIVE ETHER STRIKE!
Both competitors are down and fighting to regain consciousness! Storm crawls to his corner as Ether gets to a knee! Storm tags in Pyre who stalks Ether! The Hungry Girl turns around!
AND PYRE LASHES OUT WITH THE BAPTISM BY FIRE! SUPERKICK! ETHER HITS THE GROUND WITH A THUD AND PYRE COVERS!
Pyre rises to her feet in victory as she looms over an exhausted Ether, smirking down at her before her and Storm vacate the ring!
WINNERS: LUKE STORM & PYRE
The cheetah-print thong-covered ass of Starboy greets us as he and Vigour walk into frame. A giant fence stands before them, with a gate in the center. The pair look up at the gate, and signage over it.
[ Vigour ] “This is the place.”
Starboy steps forward to push on the gate, and to their surprise it swings open with a creak. They exchange a glance with Vigour and step into the fenced-in compound.
[ Vigour ] “Reminds me of home.”
While a lot of the space cannot be seen yet, what is displayed for them is drab and colorless. Buildings surround them, with only a small walkway left to lead them onward. In the distance, there’s a tall bell tower reaching out to meet the sky.
[ Starboy ] “Let’s go find TGK. Starboy can’t bear to think of what they’re doing to him. Sometimes, my dreams…”
They pause, clearly recalling the brutal torture they endured at the hands of Sir Gable months ago. Vigour puts his hand on Starboy’s shoulder and makes them meet his gaze.
[ Vigour ] “We’re going to get him out of here. One way or the other.”
Getting their composure, Starboy just nods. They look at the path before them before trying to change topics.
[ Starboy ] “Starboy didn’t think SeeSaw was telling the truth, but if he gave us the right address, then…”
[ Vigour ] “Then this is definitely a trap.”
[ Starboy ] “All we have left to do is spring it.”
Heading down the only street they can take, the Rainbow Party heads into unknown waters to rescue their friend.
But what will Vayikra have to say about that?
STARBOY vs. SIR BELLATOR
“Heritage Village…” Starboy, cheetah thong-and-all, muses as he traipses down the street towards what looks to be a commons area leading up to an old gothic church.
“It certainly does take a village for Starboy to fulfill his needs.”
Starboy skips through the lush green fields as fireflies magically appear and flutter around them, shouting “Kid!”
They suddenly skid to a stop in front of the steeple as church bells echo through the night sky as if to signify the start of a match. Then, Starboy gazes up at the bell tower just in time to see none other than Sir Bellator swing down on a rope towards them—
NOT THE KIND STARBOY PREFERS!
A ref sprints out from a dormitory right on cue towards the squall as Sir Bellator wraps that thick, sturdy rope around Starboy’s neck, strangling him nearly to death before letting up at the ref’s plea. Starboy coughs and looks up at Bellator with those dreamy fawn eyes—
“Why’d you stop? Starboy didn’t say the safe word…”
And with that Bellator locks Starboy into a sleeper hold from behind in a fit of rage!
“…Yeah, choke me daddy!” Starboy pleads before forcefully backpedaling through the steeple door, shattering it on Bellator’s back and breaking the hold in the process!
Bellator grasps his lower back as he gets to his feet, eyeing Starboy with Yahweh’s rage in his eyes.
“How dare you, Sodomite, step foot onto holy ground!” Bellator growls as he slams a piece of broken wood over Starboy’s back.
STARBOY’S GETTING WOOD!!
AGAIN, NOT IN THE WAY THEY PREFER!!
Bellator tosses the plank aside and opts to yank Starboy’s arm back as he wraps his legs around it and arches back—
ARM OF GOD!! LOCKED IN!!
The ref asks Starboy if they want to give up, but they shake their head no, even as Bellator rears back, nearly popping Starboy’s arm out of its socket!
Starboy reaches into his deep, Fanny-pack-like thong for something in desperation…
A TUBE OF ASTROGLIDE??
Starboy squeezes it all over their arm and begins gyrating around, slowly causing Bellator to lose his grip until he slides off and onto the holy ground!
As Bellator slips and slides, scrambling to get to his feet he abruptly finds a shiny, slippery forearm across his neck—
SLINGBLADE TO BELLATOR!!
Starboy follows up with a punt to the nether region, then picks Bellator up by the nape of the neck and his trunks and tosses him over and behind a gift shop counter, and Bellator crashes into a stand of religious paraphernalia and charms!
Starboy follows suit and hops the counter before browsing the merchandise. They pause when they set their eyes upon an illuminated ivory rosary bead necklace on display.
“Starboy loves a pearl necklace!” they exclaim, snatching the jewelry off the display and wrapping it around his fist as Bellator rises…
STARBOY KNIFE-EDGE CHOPS BELLATOR ACROSS THE FACE WITH THE ROSARY NECKLACE!!
Bellator stumbles through the shop across the room and next to what appears to be a confessional booth as Starboy follows. Starboy walks right into a trap though, as Bellator hits Starboy with a DROP TOE HOLD face-first into a statue of baby Jesus!
Bellator lifts a groggy Starboy up high into a crucifix—
HE’S GONNA POWERBOMB HIM INTO THE CONFESSIONAL BOOTH!!
BUT STARBOY IS ALL LUBED UP, AND HE SLIPS OUT!!
Before Bellator can turn he’s met with a surprise—
LOW BLOW FROM BEHIND!!
Bellator is frozen in time, but Starboy has no time to waste and heaves Bellator face-first, forcefully entering through the confessional booth door!
Starboy pauses a moment when they see Bellator’s ass sticking out from the booth.
Starboy points their thumb to the sky…
They step up to Bellator—
AND WRAP THE ROSARY BEADS AROUND THEIR THUMB—
HOLY OIL CHECK!!!
“Forgive me father, for Starboy has sinned!” proclaims the Ass for the Masses as they swirl the thumb round and round before yanking their thumb out, checking the dipstick, and then pulling Bellator out from the rubble…
HOLY WATER TO THE EYES OF STARBOY!!
The distraction allows Bellator just enough time to catch Starboy side-to-side—
STANDING SPANISH FLY OUTTA NOWHERE!!!
BUT IN MID-AIR, STARBOY SPAT SOMETHING INTO BELLATOR’S EYES—
BOTH DISORIENTED COMPETITORS CRASH ONTO THE FLOOR—
SIR BELLATOR REMAINS ONTOP—
…AGAIN, NOT THE WAY STARBOY WOULD PREFER!!!
After the match, Bellator is still blinded by Starboy’s holy light, allowing Starboy to sprint away through the church in search for TGK, eventually finding a stairwell behind the altar with an “EDUCATION ⬇️” sign next to it. Starboy steps down and out of camera sight.
WINNER: SIR BELLATOR
“THE SNAKE PIT”
A much darker place than we’ve seen previously, as a matter of fact.
The Snake Pit.
Corvus and Deathnote have arrived at the compound, and they are on the hunt.
Deathnote wants his Notebook back, and he knows the man responsible for swiping it is here, hidden somewhere within his home…amongst his snakes.
But as the Author of Death and the Hidden Blade search the premises, they find no trace of the Head Snake…or anyone, for that matter.
Nothing here but blacky-green goo, strewn about on seemingly every surface of the compound, to the visible disgust of the duo.
The sight is a strange, twisted affair as Corvus and Deathnote continue their search, walking further into the heart of the abandoned compound in the hopes of at least finding the object they’ve come here for.
Alas, despite their best efforts, neither of them can find the Notebook anywhere onsite, forcing them to make their way back the way they came.
The dead end they’ve stumbled upon causes a certain rage inside the Author to build up, none too pleased by this development as he slams a door shut, causing it to dislodge from one of the hinges.
Looking perplexed at the environment they’re seeing, Corvus finally speaks up to break the tension.
[ Corvus ] “If that Snake has slithered away from this place, I can only assume he’s taken the book with him.”
Deathnote glares at the Hidden Blade, a snarl on his face.
[ Deathnote ] “That, or he’s taken it to the Collector. Either way, we won’t find answers here in this forsaken pit.”
Corvus nods in agreement as the pair finally make their exit, realizing the futility of any further search in what’s left of this place.
This once-thriving Snake Pit, left in ruins.
VIGOUR vs. SIR RENAULT
Death, resurrection and an unwavering desire for revenge are some of the characteristics of this inter-galatic feud. But which will win out – penance or the party?
Somewhere a church tower bell dings in the compound. In Vigour’s hand is a goblet and he starts pounding the shit out of Sir Renault’s head with it, breaking the peaceful solitude of the private prayer room.
The Crusader reaches back, grabbing the first thing he can. It’s a crucifix and he slams it against the side of Vigour’s head. The Jack of All Senses stumbles back.
THROUGH THE DOOR!!!
SIR RENAULT PICKED THAT ONE UP FROM SIR GABLE!!!!
The door has been taken clean off its hinges. The fight has spilled into a narrow corridor. Renault is on his feet first, dragging Vigour up, the zealot roughly tosses Vigour against a wall.
FLYING DROPKICK FROM DARTH JESUS!!!
BUT VIGOUR DIVES OUT OF THE WAY AND RENAULT GOES STRAIGHT THROUGH THE WOOD PANEL WALL!!!
Darth Jesus is now languishing in a vulnerable spot, his legs jammed into the wood. Vigour leaps into the air
LEG DROP TO THE THROAT!!!
The force drags Renault out of the wall. As Vigour gets back to a vertical base two Vayikra monks, clad in grey robes, turn a corner. They charge at The Party Animal.
ROUNDHOUSE KICK TO ONE!!!!
VIM & VIGOUR TO THE OTHER!!!!
It’s just the distraction Sir Renault needs and he takes Vigour into his arms.
The crossface is locked in good and Vigour starts tapping….
BUT THERE IS NO REF ON THE SPOT?
WHERE ARE THOSE DAMN PUNKS WHEN YOU NEED THEM?!
Sir Renault doesn’t care, he’s trying to break Vigour, rip his neck clean off his shoulders if necessary.
There is a candle stand lying nearby, disturbed by the fracas. Vigour grabs it and jabs the flame onto an exposed patch of Darth Jesus’ flesh. With a pained squeal, Sir Renault releases. Vigour uses the opportunity to escape the corridor through a door.
The Last Crusader gives hot pursuit and finds himself inside a chapel with rows of pews.
“Hey, Bible Basher!” A voice above Renault calls. Darth Jesus looks up.
FIVE STAR FROG SPLASH!!!!
FROM THE EAVES!!!!
Both men hit the hard floor. Vigour is up first and he aims a kick at his foe but Yahweh’s follower catches his leg and gets to a vertical base. Wrapping his arms around Vigour, The Last Crusader belly to belly suplexes The Party Prince into a font of holy water, that breaks under the impact, soaking Vigour.
Renault drags Vigour off the floor.
Glass sprays everywhere as Vigour slams vials of sacred oils into Darth Jesus’ face. The disciple stumbles back against a pew. Vigour grabs a jug of communion wine, takes a bit draught before he dumps the rest of over Renault.
Next comes the communion bread, Vigour stuffing it down Renault’s throat. Then Vigour grabs a big metal crucifix.
“Time to join your god six feet under,” Vigour spits.
Lifting it above his head like a hatched, Vigour swings it down at Sir Renault but The Last Crusader evades the potentially fatal blow.
The Prince of the Party turns and a thurible is thrown into his face, the smoke from the incense blinding him. That’s Darth Jesus’ moment and he lifts Vigour into a crucifix.
THE LAST CRUSADE!!!!!!
SITOUT CRUCIFIX BOMB!!!
THROUGH A FUCKING PEW!!!!
Into the room burst two ropes monks, dragging with them a man in a black and white striped shirt.
Sir Renault covers…
Renault goes in search of something, when he returns Vigour is gone. An open door suggesting his escape route. Darth Jesus follows until he reaches another open door – into a room with a large pool used for baptisms. As Renault tries to step through the doorway, the door slams into him.
Vigour appears, dragging Renault into the room and tossing him in the direction of the pool. The Last Crusader gets to his feet on the edge of the pool. Vigour tries to run him down.
DROP TOE HOLD!!!!
COUNTER BY RENAULT!!!
Darth Jesus lifts Vigour.
INTO THE WATER!!!!!
As Vigour resurfaces in the pool, Renault leaps towards him.
MACHO MAN FLYING ELBOW!!!
When the evangelist lands the elbow, both are swallowed by the baptism pool.
Vigour’s head bursts through first and he takes a big gulp of air. But it’s not long before two hands emerge and from above push the Jack of All Senses head back under.
HE’S TRYING TO GIVE VIGOUR AN ETERNAL BAPTISM!
The alien is thrashing around but Renault is keeping his head underwater. Soon the thrashing stops and Vigour’s limp body sinks to the bottom.
HAS SIR RENAULT KILLED VIGOUR FOR A SECOND TIME?
Darth Jesus wades to the edge of the pool, pulling himself out of the water triumphantly. Standing he looks back and makes the sign of the cross before walking away.
The ref is about to call the match done, except….
RENAULT CAN’T MOVE!!!
A HAND REACHING OUT OF THE POOL HAS HIS ANKLE!!
Out of the water emerges Vigour.
The Party is still going long into the night!
Vigour yanks Renault’s leg and The Crusader falls face first. Vigour drags himself out of the pool. Renault rises.
VIM & VIGOUR!!!!
Vigour covers Sir Renault on the ceramic tiles.
An away win in the bag, Vigour walks off from Sir Renault.
Organ music begins to play as the static resolves itself into a scanline-filled screen showing a full robed choir singing an old hymn.
He knew me, yet he loved me
He whose glory makes the heavens shine
So unworthy of such mercy
In a familiar scene, Sir Gable is sat across a table from the Generation Kid. The pitcher of “holy water” is full, and the Kid has his hand firmly wrapped around a cup of it.
Yet when I was on the cross
I was on his mind
Standing to his feet, TGK smiles and raises his hand in worship. He sways as the organ stops playing and the song ends. The room grows silent as TGK goes to the Lord in prayer.
[ The Generation Kid ] “Heavenly father, o Lord, tonight is the greatest of nights, for tonight we bring two unholy sinners before you for baptism and acceptance into your holy Church. Amen.”
The Kid smiles over at Gable, who stands to join him.
[ Sir Gable ] “Bring forth the sinners!”
Silence reigns on the TGK Club set. Gable tilts his head, leaving TGK to stand alone as he goes to talk to one of the helpers. He quickly grabs the helper by the collar.
[ Sir Gable ] “What do you mean ‘they escaped?'”
TGK raises and eyebrow, but before he can say anything, the whole room’s attention is taken by the sound of a door breaking down.
The Lover of All locks eyes with TGK, and all of his quips leave him.
[ Starboy ] “Starboy’s so sorry, Kid.”
Gable rushes back to TGK. Sir Vant steps out of the shadows to observe what’s going on.
[ Sir Gable ] “They wish to defile Heritage Village.”
TGK’s eyes dart back and forth between Starboy and Gable, his hand now shaking, causing some of the holy water to spill.
[ Sir Gable ] “Take another drink, my brother! We must handle Starboy.”
CRASH! ANOTHER DOOR IS TAKEN DOWN!
[ Vigour ] “I always knew you wanted to handle Starboy, Gable!”
Starboy grins at Vigour as the pair link up. Vigour just shrugs at the quip. Sir Gable is fuming as he grabs TGK’s arm.
[ Sir Gable ] “Drink!”
[ The Generation Kid ] “Of course, brother Gable. It’s time for me to defeat the sinner.”
A tear drops down the Kid’s face as he holds the cup up to his face. He pauses, looking at Gable with a glimmer in his eye.
[ The Generation Kid ] “Sorry, Goose, but it’s time to the buzz the tower.”
TGK THROWS THE HOLY WATER IN SIR GABLE’S FACE!
Gable, steps back, insulted, while TGK rips off his suit jacket. He shakes his head, trying to shake the cobwebs.
[ The Generation Kid ] “I’m not your puppet. You wanted to use me, but my friends love me. TGK Club is closed for business.”
Starboy steps forward, but Vigour holds them back with a shaking of his head.
[ Vigour ] “He has to do this alone. We make sure no one interferes,”
Sir Vant steps up to Gable’s side.
[ Sir Vant ] “So be it. Sir Gable, finish him.”
With a nod from Sir Vant, Gable approaches TGK, ready for a fight.
This fight is happening RIGHT THE FUCK NOW!
REWIND CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
TGK © VS. SIR GABLE
Heritage Village. The TGK Club, a backdrop as the Rewind Championship stands on the line. Can The Generation Kid keep battling through the effects of the holy water? He has already proven his fortitude with a cup of the water poured over Gables head but how far can he fight it?
Sir Gable backs away from TGK, shaking off the liquid splashed over him from the cup of holy water. TGK charges at him and tackles him to the ground.
THE GENERATION KID FIGHTS THROUGH WITH A SHOULDER TACKLE!
HE SEEMS TO HAVE FOUGHT OFF THE EFFECTS OF THAT HOLY WATER!
A SMALL DISTRACTION WAS ALL HE NEEDED TO TAKE THE FIGHT TO SIR GABLE!
The kid is unlike we’ve seen him before, a vicious streak in him seeing him mount Gable and lay into him with brutal lefts and rights that hit their way through the mask. This is no mere match for the Rewind Championship. It’s a fight, plain and simple.
THE GENERATION KIT HEADBUTTS GABLE!
TWICE… THREE TIMES!
HE WAS ALREADY DOWN BUT GABLE MAY BE OUT NOW!
With Gable incapacitated, TGK orders Sir Vant out of the way, grabbing one of the TGK Club’s chairs as the old man vacates his viewing spot. Gable begins to stir and pulls himself to his feet…
ONLY TO BE CLOBBERED OVER THE BACK OF THE HEAD WITH THE WOODEN CHAIR!
THE CHAIR SPLINTERS INTO PIECES AND TGK IS LEFT HILDING A LEG WHILE GABLE GOES DOWN AGAIN!
The splintered chair leg is held above The Kid’s head for the killing blow, but he stops. Dropping the weapon, he clutches at his head with his hands. Grimacing and pulling at his hair. He looks to his Rainbow Party friends, then to Sir Vant with turmoil.
HE MAY HAVE BROKEN THROUGH, BUT THE HOLY WATER STILL HAS A SLIGHT HOLD ON HIM!
When he turns to focus again on Gable, his opponent has gone.
SIR GABLE CLEANS TGK OUT FROM BEHIND!
HE COLD COCKED HIM WITH A FREAKING HARDCOVERED BIBLE!
TGK IS SENT SPRAWLING INTO THE SET’S PULPIT HEAD FIRST!
Gable grabs TGK by the head and slams his face into the pulpit a second time before hoisting the Kid up into the air.
STALLING SUPLEX! RIGHT ONTO THE PULPIT!
THE GENERATION KID BOUNCES OFF THE WOOD AND TUMBLES TO THE STAGE FLOOR!
Slowly, the Generation Kid struggles to pull himself to his feet again, using the TGK Club’s table as a crutch, but is soon cleaned out again by a charging Sir Gable.
CAEL GABLE JUST LAUNCHED TGK ACROSS THE TABLE WITH THE MASSIVE SPEAR AND INTO THE REMAINING CHAIR!
TAKE A SEAT KID!
Gable steps over the table towards his battered opponent, picking up the remaining pitcher of holy water as he goes. Grabbing TGK by the hair, he wrenches his head back and tips half the pitcher down his throat and over his face.
HE’S PRACTICALLY DROWNING THE GENERATION KID IN HOLY WATER!
WHO KNOWS WHAT EFFECT THAT’LL HAVE ON THE KID NOW!
Starboy and Vigour plead from their vantage point for The Kid to come back, but to a mind already in turmoil, the water seems to have Gable’s desired effect. TGK’s eyes change and he stands, somewhat groggily, to look at Gable in the eyes. A twinkle of recognition.
GABLE NODS AND TGK BRINGS HIS HANDS OVER HIS CHEST IN PRAYER!
THE HOLY WATER TAKES HOLD!
IS THIS THING DONE?!
But Gable isn’t done with The Kid. He’s determined to properly bring him into line by teaching him a lesson he won’t forget. Gable lifts hid hands up above his head, a large wooden crucifix held in both hands.
BUT TGK SPITS THE DAMNED HOLY WATER OUT INTO THE FACE OF GABLE!
GABLE SPUTTERS BLINDLY!
AND TGK PUNTS HIM RIGHT IN THE GROIN!
RIGHT IN THE HOLY SPOT! GABLE DROPS LIKE A PATRON AT COMMUNION!
TGK grabs Gable by the mask and pulls him back to his feet before hurling him across the THK Club set and into the back wall. Gable collides head first before walking back into the path of the 80s Kid.
THE KARATE KID!
LEAPING KICK TO THE FACE SENDS GABLE BACK INTO THE WALL!
AND HE STARTS LAYING INTO HIM WITH A BARRAGE OF BODY BLOWS!
Out of sheer desperation, Gable manages to push TGK away from him. This creates enough distance for Gable to punch the lid square in the face, sending him reeling back into the table. Gable keeps the pressure on, approaching the Kid.
BUT TGK SMASHES THE PITCHER OF HOLY WATER OVER THE TOP OF SIR GABLE’S SKULL!
SHARDS OF GLASS AND HOLY WATER EXPLODE ALL OVER GABLE!
Gable staggers, stunned from the blow and TGK moves in for the kill.
AN EXCELLENT ADVENTURE!
ROCK BOTTOM ONTO THE FUCKING TABLE!
GABLE LAND SQUARE IN THE BACK!
With his foe incapacitated on the TGK Club’s table, The Kid drives his knee into the small of Gable’s back…
TGK LOCKS IN A SLEEPER HOLD AND GABLE IS FADING FAST!
HE STARTS TO FALL LIMP!
SIR GABLE IS OUT!
THE GENERATION KID HAS WON IT!
The Generation Kid retains his Rewind Championship right here in the heart of Heritage Village. He’s fought through the effects of the Holy Water and heads over to The Rainbow Party, while Sir Vant stands Sir Gable to his feet and dusted him off.
WINNER & STILL REWIND CHAMPION: TGK
“FALL FROM GRACE”
The Generation Kid makes his way over to Starboy and Vigour, all three worn down by their respective battles across Heritage Village tonight. The Kid looks to his friends, his eyes brimming with tears, and they embrace him, his small stature only highlighting just how apt his name is.
[ The Generation Kid ] “I’m s- so ashamed of all of this. I can’t even explain what happened.”
The other two hug him tighter, like they’re the parents of a child who just grazed his knee for the first time. For all his achievements since joining OSW, TGK really is out of place in such a dangerous world, as evidenced by the chaos around them now. They’re just glad to have their friend back to himself.
Meanwhile, several metres away, Vayikra are also gathering themselves after their own efforts in the battles around this place.
[ Starboy ] “This really can’t go on.”
He’s visibly angry.
[ Vigour ] “We don’t have a choice. Even if we somehow changed the minds of Vayikra, there will always be someone out there who hates us all for who we are and what we stand for. That’s just the way of the fucking world.”
Starboy looks over to Vayikra, and sees them preparing themselves for something. Perhaps another attack?
[ Starboy ] “Well, whatever you think, Starboy thinks we’re nearly at boiling point. And if someone is going to get hot and bothered under the collar, it may as well be them instead of us.”
Before Vigour or TGK can stop him, Starboy produces a heavy duty lighter from his back pocket. He hops around the TGK Club set, setting anything made of cloth, card or paper on fire. Soon the set is ablaze, stopping Vayikra in their tracks.
[ Starboy ] “Fuck you all. This needs to end, one way or another. Let’s hope you take this taste of your own medicine all the way down deep…”
The Rainbow Party walk out of the main door slowly, as the fire begins to rage.
The camera pans out, as Vayikra manage to escape across the opposite side of the set, and shows as the fire swells throughout Heritage Village, burning through all the areas the two warring factions fought in tonight, leaving a hot sooty mess reminiscent of the backstage area that Vayikra left two thirds of The Rainbow Party in peril in just a couple of weeks ago. All around the Village, decorations and equipment begins to warp and melt, twisted just like the souls of Vayikra and tortured just like the minds of The Rainbow Party.
DOUBLE FEATURE CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
SEESAW © VS. BANZAN
A desire for the truth battling against a need to extinguish the cloud of death hanging over head. Two brutal warriors clash in combat tonight but will Seesaw be able to use the Mountain to gain the knowledge he needs or will Banzan thwart his need by mere survival?
The bell sounds as Seesaw rushes forward, surprising the Mountain with a flurry of furious strikes. They don’t do much damage to Banzan but they’re without rhyme or reason, a frantic burst of unorthadox strikes that he’s barely able to block or dodge. A brutal knee to the jaw staggers the Mountain back as Seesaw flops onto his back
SUPRISE, YOU’RE DEAD!
The sudden throat thrust sends Banzan stumbling on his feet as his knees are kicked out from underneath him by a pair of front kicks from the Toybox King before he’s gripped in a headlock, Seesaw rushing to the ropes as he bounces off.
BANZAN THROWS HIM OVER THE TOP ROPE!
The Mountain countered the springboard bulldog, throwing the Toybox King like a sack of shit to the concrete below but he’s barely able to turn around before that damn clown drags him underneath the ropes to the floor below. Seesaw begins pounding down on him with feverious lefts and rights before Banzan grabs him and pushes him hard back first into the steel steps. Banzan rushes forward trying to crush Seesaw into the steel
DROP TOE HOLD!
Banzan’s skull slams into the steel, a small trickle of blood pooling down his forehead before he’s thrown back into the ring with force by Seesaw, the Cackling Madcap leaping over the ropes as the Mountain gets to his feet
Banzan is rocked but Seesaw isn’t done as he pulls Banzan up, gripping him in that headlock once more before running up the turnbuckles
CATASTROPHIC COLLIDER CACOPHANY! Seesaw delivers an Acid Drop like version before dropping down for the pinfall
TW….BANZAN GETS THE SHOULDER UP!
The Mountain barely gets his arm up before he’s mounted by Seesaw who begins a brutal JACK ATTACK! That small cut is now a rivet of blood, the claret dying Seesaw’s hands as the sick fuck even licks it off, cackling with glee before he pulls the groggy Banzan up to his feet, taking all the wind out of him with a brutal knee to the midsection before lifting him up off his feet
POP GOES THE…BACKDROP!
The Mountain tosses Seesaw overhead, avoiding the potentially lethal Piledriver as Seesaw scrambles up to his feet
BANZAN JUST TOOK HIS FUCKING HEAD OFF!
The Mountain wipes the blood out of his eyes for a moment before pulling Seesaw up to his feet, DUKKHA! The Saito Suplex hits hard but Banzan keeps the grip as he lands another before gripping Seesaw around the neck
SUFFERING IS ETERNAL! REGAL-PLEX!
Banzan bridges back for the cover as the referee drops down for the count
SEESAW MANAGES TO GET THE SHOULDER UP!
The Mountain pulls the Cackling Madcap up to his feet but can’t follow up as a brutal forearm staggers him back before gripping him underneath both arms and beginning to rain down headbutt after headbutt.
A sane man doesn’t slam skulls with someone twice his size but the Toybox King is anything but lucid and Banzan is heavily bleeding as Seesaw rains down butt after butt until the PIN THE TAIL drops the Mountain down to his knees. Seesaw backs up, sizing Banzan up with a twisted grin before rushing forward
SUPERFINE TURBINE BLAST!
Seesaw nearly plants a Mountain sized hole right through the ring with that modified spinebuster as the Cackling Madcap looks to cover but suddenly looks up to the top rope as he gets a wonderful yet horrible idea in his twisted mind.
He rushes to the top rope but as he flaps his arms like a madman, he leaps high into the air. Not for a splash
BUT A BEAUTIFUL LOOKING PHOENIX SPLASH!
Shades of the only man to escape the Toybox alive, Seesaw should have this won but as he tries to drop down for the cover, sparks fly that send him staggering back as a blue haze envelops Banzan.
HE’S DRAWING FROM THE WELL!
Seesaw watches in amazement for a moment as the Mountain’s wound begins to slowly heal before just shrugging and rushing forward for another spear
THAT BOUNCES RIGHT OFF!
Seesaw rolls to his feet, fury in his eyes as he begins to pound down with all his might on the Mountain but every blow just bounces off the wellspring shield. Seesaw scowls before thinking once again as he rolls outside of the ring and delving underneath the apron for a moment
AS HE PULLS OUT THE MEMORY SLUGGER!
Seesaw rolls into the ring, twirling the bat in his hands but as he rushes forward, a gale of wind pulses from Banzan sending Seesaw into the turnbuckles. He staggers out as Banzan’s eyes flash open, the Mountain leaping to his feet
MAGGA! BANZAN KNEE’D THE BAT RIGHT INTO SEESAW’S SKULL!
That has to be it as Banzan drops down for the cover on the unconcious Cackling Madcap
THREE!!! WE HAVE A NEW VHS CHAMPION!
Banzan picks up the victory here tonight, picking up his very first VHS Championship here but he went through one hell of a war to get it, needing the wellspring itself to survive the Toybox King’s insanity.
WINNER AND NEW VHS CHAMPION: BANZAN
We find ourselves in the skatepark once again, Ether once again sitting by her lonesome overlooking the bowl in the middle when two familiar voices break the silence, a scowl appearing across the girl’s face.
[ Hollywood Luke Storm ] “I swear, it’s like a Shyamalan movie with you. You’d think you coming back here is a twist but we all saw it coming.”
[ Pyre ] “Like it was hard to find her. Just follow the smell of shitty food and depression.”
Both members of BMF converge on Ether, the Hungry Girl getting up from her chair to face them, blood dried on her face from their match.
[ Ether ] “Ain’t y’all got something better to do? You got your match now leave me the fuck alone.”
Pyre shakes her head, flames sprouting from her body as she approaches.
[ Pyre ] “Nah, I don’t think we will. You took out one of us, bitch. Now? We’re gonna finally put one of you Jet Set Dickheads in the dirt.”
Ether closes her eyes, knowing she has nowhere to go.
[ Tag ] “Oh come on, you guys were friends with him for like, a month. Wiz has had acid trips that lasted longer.”
A JET OF WATER SLAMS INTO PYRE AND SENDS HER TUMBLING TOWARDS THE DOOR! TAG IS HERE AND HE’S GOT A FIREHOSE AIMED RIGHT AT THE FIRE BITCH!
Storm rushes towards him!
[ Hollywood Luke Storm ] “You wanna be first, mother fucker?”
[ Wiz ] “CUP CHECK!”
A ROCK FLIES RIGHT INTO STORM’S CROTCH! WIZ IS HERE TOO AND HE’S GOT A SLINGSHOT!
Tag points the hose at Storm and sends him flying back as well! Pyre frantically gets to her feet, opening the exit door and dragging a nearly crying Storm with her!
[ Hollywood Luke Storm ] “Who the fuck does that!?”
Storm’s yelps are heard into the distance as he and Pyre vacate the area, leaving just Ether, Tag, and Wiz to reunite in the center of the skate park. Ether turns to them as they run to her, hugging them both.
[ Ether ] “You guys came…”
[ Tag ] “Of course. We’d have helped sooner… but Wiz and I needed to be on the same frequency first. Ain’t that right?”
Tag looks to Wiz who nods, albeit taking a moment to do so.
[ Wiz ] “We still ain’t on the right channel, but we’re gettin’ closer, ya dig?”
The three embrace, the scene fading to black as Jet Set Radio stands together once again.
CORVUS & DEATHNOTE vs. SIGIL
To defy death itself will always be a losing battle but the reaper is the last piece of the puzzle on the long road the Collector has walked down. But a loyal soldier stands in his way, bringing along a misguided Shingami for the ride. Can Sigil move past this latest test on his road to the final crystal or will the overpowering force of Corvus and Deathnote and the recent tragic loss of his legacy be the fatal end for the Collector?
The bell sounds as Deathnote and Corvus are in the ring with no sign of Sigil. Deathnote is focused on the entryway but The Black Hand knows the Collector far better then that as his eyes scan all around, waiting for portals to appear above, not noticing the sheen of one appearing beneath his feet
AS HE’S DRAGGED DOWN BENEATH THE RING!
Deathnote notices at the last second, trying to grab at Corvus but the portal closes before he can. Deathnote scans the area but doesn’t look above until the last second
AS THE CROW CRASHES DOWN HARD ONTO HIM!
Both men slowly pull themselves up as portals appear all around them and the Collector begins to pop in and out
Right to Corvus
Left to Deathnote
Roundhouse to the Shingami
Spinning Hook Kick to Corvus
Both men are stunned as a portal appears behind them, Sigil dropped down to his knees
DOUBLE LOW BLOW!
A page out of his fallen brethrens book, The Collector drops both men before pulling Deathnote up to his feet. The ferocity and speed are nearly inhuman as The Collector tears into the Shingami before gripping him around the waist
GERMAN SUPLEX TO THE FUCKING FLOOR! JESUS CHRIST!
Sigil turns around right into a CORVUS KICK!
The flash kick catches the Collector by surprise as he staggers back but he slips underneath a running dropkick attempt before springboarding off the ropes
Corvus is sent flying into the corner, completely spent but The Collector’s rage is far from spent as he flicks open another portal before grabbing something from his satchel
That blood red crowbar.
Sigil slowly walks menacingly forward, radiating with absolute hatred as Corvus flicks a dagger at him that the Collector blocks with the crowbar.
“Nice try bitch, now time to send you back to your master in a bodybag”
Corvus begins chuckling lightly to himself, which only seems to infuriate Sigil who rushes over, gripping Corvus by the throat and screaming in his face.
“WHAT’S SO FUCKING FUNNY?”
Corvus can’t answer with the hand crushing his throat as he simply motions behind Sigil
AS DEATHNOTE STABS SIGIL IN THE SIDE WITH THE PARALYSING DAGGER!
The Collector drops to his knees, the crowbar falling limp to the floor as Corvus rises to his feet, a wide grin etched upon his face. Deathnote picks up the fallen crowbar, twirling it in the air
BEFORE NEARLY CRACKING SIGIL’S JAW WITH IT!
The mask was the only thing that stopped permanent damage to the Realm Walker there as Deathnote continues to drive it over and over into him, blood beginning to pool from underneath the mask to the mat before he’s lifted up by the Shingami
The STO DDT spikes Sigil into the mat and that may well be it but neither men are covering, seemingly intent on brutalising the Collector here tonight. He’s pulled up to his feet again, pummeled back and forth by strikes from both men before he’s lifted up onto Deathnote’s shoulders
Sigil slips down Deathnote’s back at the last second as he tries to steal the victory
ON…CORVUS QUICKLY STOMPS OUT THAT HOPE!
The Crow pulls him up to his feet, pummeling him with lefts and rights before a brutal roundhouse kick leaves the Collector out on his feet once more as the Shingami pulls him up onto his shoulders again
That has to be it there but they’re still not covering, this very well could be a mistake but Corvus holds Sigil in a full nelson as Deathnote picks up the crowbar once more before rushing forward
CROWBAR SHOT…TO CORVUS!
Sigil just slipped out as Deathnote nails an unsuspecting Crow
LIGHTPIERCER! SUPERKICK TO DEATHNOTE!
Corvus is slowly getting to his feet but he nearly gets cut in half with a tremendous Tank fueled Gore. The Collector is fired up, delivering another stiff superkick to Deathnote before backing up
Sigil rushes forward before flicking a portal in front of him as another appears above Deathnote
The numbers advantage ruins Sigil here as that brutal RKO drills the Collector in mid-air but Corvus doesn’t cover, instead dropping down as he locks in the GARROTE!
The Realm Walker’s endured tremendous punishment here but he refuses to give in, flipping both men off as Corvus nods to Deathnote, the Shingami backing up as Corvus forces Sigil’s head down, Deathnote rushing forward
STROKE OF THE PEN…HITS CORVUS! Sigil flipped the Crow over at the last second as Deathnote wipes out his own tag team partner. The Shingami looks shocked for a moment as he tries to pull Sigil up but gets a low blow for his troubles
THE RAW DEAL!
Sigil nails a GTS of his own on the Shingami before dropping down for the cover
Sigil picks up the huge victory here tonight, surviving this handicap match with a shit ton of rage and a little tribute to his fallen brethren.
Backstage, SeeSaw is walking towards the exit of the Slaugterhouse. He had a hell of a war with Banzan earlier, and it’s time to retire to the Toy Box. But there’s someone waiting for him at the door leading out. Stepping forward, this shrouded figure steps forward to hand SeeSaw a piece of paper.
[ ??? ] “Sir Vant sends his regards. He will have no further contact with you.”
Mr. Make Believe looks down at the piece of paper and just nods to himself.
SeeSaw is now standing on the front porch of an old beaten down house, one of the last remaining buildings in a decrepit part of a nearby town. Mr. Make Believe tries the door, and it opens slowly.
Inside is damn near a remake of the home Andy Fish grew up in. The wallpaper is a different color, and some of the chairs are different, but the layout is the exact same as his childhood home. With a morose expression, SeeSaw looks around this room.
His findings in his own home had led him down a road to find the others who were made like him.
And now he’s here.
Walking past a rat scurrying across the floor, SeeSaw finds the same hidden door that existed in the other house. Pushing inside, he wastes no time in pouring over some of the papers on D’Ville’s hidden desk. Under one of them, he finds a polaroid. He lifts it up to his face, seeing a smiling boy in green next to a grim looking woman and a distracted D’Ville.
[ SeeSaw ] “Is that… my brother?”
A rotary phone goes off on the desk. SeeSaw’s eyes open wide as he hears it ringing.
Slowly picking the phone up, SeeSaw holds it up to his ear.
[ SeeSaw ] “Hello?”
MAIN EVENT MATCH
ZERO © VS. SIMON
The lights in the Slaughterhouse dim as horns begin to blare throughout, leading all eyes to the entrance as the man himself steps out to “Simon Says” by Pharaohe Monch, keeping his eyes on the ring. As the music continues playing, Simon enters the ring, never losing focus as he prepares himself for the match ahead.
“Bad, bad motherfucker ’til the day I die.”
Lights around The Slaughterhouse flash black and white as the screen becomes grayscale.
“When the line froze, what did I see?
A bad motherfucker standing next to me
With his eyes closed, told he can’t see
Tryna follow orders, just gone and be free”
As ‘Bad Mother Fucker’ by Machine Gun Kelly picks up, out struts Zero with a smirk on his face. He walks to the ring with a swagger only he has, rolling under the bottom rope.
DING DING DING!
The bell sounds and immediately, Simon demands a microphone from the time keeper.
[ Simon ] “I bet you’re all here to see me get beaten to within an inch of my life, aren’t you?”
“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!” Roar the fans.
[ Simon ] “I’m afraidc that’s just not going to happen, is it pup?”
The World Champion sneers, reluctantly shaking his head ‘no’.
[ Simon ] “Simon Says… sit!”
Zero looks around the booing crowd. He really doesn’t want to do this – but he has no choice. Slowly but surely, he sits down on the canvas.
[ Simon ] “Good boy.”
The fans boo.
[ Simon ] “Now, Simon Says… lay down.”
“PLEASE DON’T DO IT!”
“PLEASE DON’T DO IT!”
The fans boo and chant, but again, Zero has no choice. He lays down in the middle of the ring on his back, allowing Simon to place an obnoxious boot on his chest.
[ Simon ] “Count it, you buffoon!”
He yells at the referee.
The bell sounds and the arena erupt into the loudest boo’s you’ve ever heard in your life. They’re drowning out Simon, who stands laughing into a microphone in the middle of the ring.
He takes his foot off Zero, who gets up, shaking his head with rage and frustration boiling over in abundance.
[ Simon ] “Don’t do anything stupid, dog; you’ve one more task for the Taskmaster and then you get your precious papers.”
Zero walks over to him and gets in his face, jaw jacking all the way.
Then he stops.
He backs away.
And exits the ring.
Simon laps up the boo’s from the crowd as Zero walks away, heading to the backstage area.