Author: Teddy O'Toole

Life got you down? Feel like you're the smartest guy around, but you just can't shake Ol' Teddy? Feel like you wanna kill Theodore, but he happens to have a trump card? Well, grab hold of Teddy O'Toole's big bag of strawberries

I've tried it all. If you can eat it, I've tried it. But human flesh? I

All: The marketing team, including the Vice President of marketing, have all been sacked. Internal job applications will be posted. If no suitable candidates emerge from our talent pool, we'll look outside the company. It is painfully obvious based on their latest

Children, are any of you familiar with religion? I am, Mr. Teddy. Wonderful, Franklin. Can you share with your peers what religion is? It's when you believe in something greater than yourself. I think that's a fine place to start, Franklin. I do. After

Hello children! Hi Mr. Teddy! What glorious treat will we be trying today? Well, children, that is an interesting question. You know, in spite of my reputation, not all of my ideas have been a hit. They haven't? No. Actually, some of them have

Hello, boys. Hi Mr. Teddy! Have you noticed anything strange, today? The girls aren't here! That's right. It's a boys only meeting. Yay! Don't celebrate too quickly, boys. With any luck, those girls will one day become women! And you all, men. Proper men. And what

Congratulations! If you are reading this, you've been hired to work in the Ol' Factory of O'Toole Candy Co., the biggest and best candy company in all of Arcadia. It is an exciting time for the both of us. But I,

Sweet children, I have grave news. Some day, each and every one of you are going to die. But maybe, just maybe, you'll also live forever. Mr. Teddy, that doesn't make sense. It makes all the sense in the world, sweet children. Please understand,

Sweet children, sour children, can you hear my voice shaking? The ground beneath my feet quaking? And my poor jaw, breaking? Introducing

Memories are interesting things, aren't they sweet children? Each one contains within it a power of some kind or other. Some memories make us long for the days they existed in. Others remind us of the hard times we endured. There are memories we