Life got you down? Feel like you’re the smartest guy around, but you just can’t shake Ol’ Teddy? Feel like you wanna kill Theodore, but he happens to have a …

I’ve tried it all. If you can eat it, I’ve tried it. But human flesh? I… Damn it, I just can’t manage to swallow it. It’s absolutely disgusting. That’s not …

All: The marketing team, including the Vice President of marketing, have all been sacked. Internal job applications will be posted. If no suitable candidates emerge from our talent pool, we’ll …

Children, are any of you familiar with religion? I am, Mr. Teddy. Wonderful, Franklin. Can you share with your peers what religion is? It’s when you believe in something greater …

Hello children! Hi Mr. Teddy! What glorious treat will we be trying today? Well, children, that is an interesting question. You know, in spite of my reputation, not all of …

Hello, boys. Hi Mr. Teddy! Have you noticed anything strange, today? The girls aren’t here! That’s right. It’s a boys only meeting. Yay! Don’t celebrate too quickly, boys. With any …

Congratulations! If you are reading this, you’ve been hired to work in the Ol’ Factory of O’Toole Candy Co., the biggest and best candy company in all of Arcadia. It …

Sweet children, I have grave news. Some day, each and every one of you are going to die. But maybe, just maybe, you’ll also live forever. Mr. Teddy, that doesn’t …

Sweet children, sour children, can you hear my voice shaking? The ground beneath my feet quaking? And my poor jaw, breaking? Introducing… THE VERILY SOUR JAW BREAKER! The candy that …

Memories are interesting things, aren’t they sweet children? Each one contains within it a power of some kind or other. Some memories make us long for the days they existed …