What’re you waiting for? If you haven’t applied to join OSW already, you should be on your way there. Failing that, be sure to follow us on Twitch at TheRAGEsmash and FastLanePlays!
Back to Top
Image Alt

Antelope

Antelope

Ever watch Nat Geo and see a wide shot of that classic African savannah? It always starts off nice and calm with the sun beaming down on a pack of antelope standing around, shooting the shit with each other or whatever the fuck antelope do.

Antelope are smooth runners. They could outpace a lot of other animals, and it looks like they’re almost skating around when they run. They must be smart to be able to survive this long in packs. They’re not ugly creatures and there’s nothing objectively wrong with them, but they just don’t have any tags or markings that make them stand out amongst the more vibrant animals in the savannah.

Antelope are more or less just… unremarkable when compared to their contemporaries.

Every High Voltage season starts off with a pack of hungry wrestlers who conglomerate in a big clusterfuck, posturing amongst one another to. Things are pretty serene, but then everyone starts posturing around one another, trying to get ahead of the pack, until some start sticking out, whether for better or worse.

Jet Set Radio have done pretty well here in OSW. They’ve postured their way to a prominent role on our show and are usually in the mix for a championship or two. They’ve even picked up some big wins here and there, and have managed to get themselves to the finals of Triosmania at our expense.

They’re not bad wrestlers at all, and in fact they have great longevity within the confines of the Slaughterhouse.

But Ether and Tag are the antelopes of Lick That Bag.

They run best in packs. They enjoy shooting the shit with the other wrestlers here, whether it’s shit-talking or straight up shitting on them. And they have the instinct to survive year to year without becoming extinct.

Again, Jet Set Radio deserve no hate or shame.

But there’s one glaring problem.

On those nature shows, there’s always a lion waiting in the brush who bides his time, hunting his prey.

They rush the antelope when the time is just right, and they feast on their remains.

Every. Damn. Time.

See Jet Set Radio, unfortunately for you, I’ve been watching you from the Slaughterhouse’s shadows. And I’m that lion.

Week after week I wait for my moment and separate myself from the pack of the rest of those wrestlers, and I take down my targets one by one.

And I see your pack of delinquents, Jet Set Radio.

You are my target.

So here we are again, the lion and the antelope.

Another week and a familiar outcome:

The lion eats the antelope.

Not even a vibrant, incendiary tiger like Pyre will distract me enough to take me off your trail.

Because even though antelope are unremarkable, they do make for a divine dinner, which you can relate to Ether.

And when I’m finished with you this week, you’ll be painted in red, which Tag is all to familiar with.

Run away, antelope.

This lion’s hungry for your blood.

Deus vult.