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Animal

Animal

“Yeah, I’ve been chased by the cops a few times.”

“Being a little shit will do that.”

“Back home, my friends and I were like a bunch of wild animals causing trouble all over town.”

“And the cops? Well, they were like a bunch of zookeepers who couldn’t control their beasties.”

“Every fucking week we’d be out there raising hell, punching bigots, tagging walls, and hitting tricks all while a bunch of incompetent policemen chased us down and begged us, pleaded with us, to just stop.”

“To quit.”

“There they’d be, cuffs in hand, running us down while we laughed in their faces and called them old fucks as they bumbled their way all over town.”

“See, when it comes down to it, it was only gonna end when one us gave up.”

“When one of us finally quit.”

“But you know Jet Set, you know who we are.”

“So you know who quit first.”

“Chip! My ball grabbing buddy, my mustached animal toucher. You’ve been having a hard time coming after my girl Ether recently, haven’t you?”

“You know, chasing her down, trying to cuff her, net her, grab her by the… you know. Took all your brain power and a rabbit to slow her down and she still got the win and got away.”

“Seriously, you ran all around the city trying to tie her down while she just ate your food and kicked your face. You’re a zookeeper who can’t keep his animals in line and every last one of them slips your hand off their balls as soon as they get the chance.”

“Even your boy Dave ran away from you for like three months with you just begging him to quit fucking around and let you grab him.”

“What I’m getting at, Chip, is you’re a lot like the cops from our home town.”

“Shit at your job.”

“And me? Well, I ain’t changed since I was in Highland. I still eat, fight, and fuck like the absolute party animal I am. Hell, I ain’t slowed down one bit. Sure, I’m rowdy, I got a loud ass bark and a gnarly bite, but I’m not some animal for you to just come from behind and grab the balls of.”

“Not that you’re too good at ball grabbing anymore, right?”

“See, we’ve got a match and there’s only one way that match is gonna come to an end.”

“One of us has to quit.”

“And sure, you can chase me around that ring for days trying to squeeze these grapefruit, you can beg me to stop fucking around and quit.”

“But Tag’s like his ass, he don’t quit.”

“I’ll give you the run around, Truck Fuck you til you can’t stand and hit you with so many facials you’re gonna be dripping for days.”

“Blood, I mean.”

“The only way you’re leaving that ring is when you come to terms and decide to do what those cops did.”

“And quit.”

“Now put your head between my legs and kiss your win goodbye.”