In the early echoes of the morning, through the thin fog and the bleeps and bloops of the sterile hospital, she opened her eyes for the first time.
4 pounds, 3 ounces. The brightest blue eyes and that little coif of golden hair, nary a sound but a happy little gurgle as her mother held her in her arms feeling truly at peace.
While a few dozen miles away, her father was getting drunk out of his mind, refusing to be in the room with his own newborn daughter.
It’s not that he didn’t want her, he would’ve given the world to be there at that moment but still he drank deep
Because he was terrified he wasn’t good enough. Terrified that the poison of the past ran deep and history would repeat itself.
It took days before he was dragged to that hospital, hands trembling, knees barely able to stand but the moment he held her in his arms, it all changed.
The fear became real and he knew somehow, someway he was going to fuck it all up.
And goddamn if I did just that.
See the thing you don’t realize until it happens is being a parent is living in fear.
All your mistakes, every thing wrong in your past comes back around to hurt them.
The world judges them, paints them as something they can’t control even before they can talk.
You build them up, shelter them, teach them and hope they succeed without you. And everytime they falter, you feel like you failed them.
And from the moment I let her mother die till the day she bled out in the snow giving birth to a demon,
But better to have to tried and failed then never have given a shit at all.
Cause I was a terrible father Deathnote, but yours, he’s the fucking worst.
A complete sociopathic cunt who never cared about anyone but himself and treats humanity like toys he can just throw away.
And if it was just me, I’d have told him to go fuck himself and dragged my way out hell on my own terms.
But I didn’t just have a daughter, I had a son. A son I put through absolute hell but in the end, he saved my very soul.
And he never….they never got what they truly deserve.
So I’d put on that mask, I’d kill whoever he put in front of me, cause absolute chaos and strip away whatever was left of my humanity. Forever cast myself from paradise so I could give them theirs.
And now I have to do the devils work because he’s terrified of the one person he can’t bear to kill.
If this was any other way, I’d be right by your side Deathnote kicking his teeth in but this isn’t just about me.
This is about a father finally doing what’s right and putting his children above himself.
So when I strike your name from that book, and I tear your heart out as you crumple into dust,
I’m not doing it for me.
I’m sure as fuck not doing it for Death.
When I end your life, I’m doing it For Them.