Hi everyone! I’m Chip Montana! And I’m grabbing nature…
BY THE BALLS!!!
And you wanna know something? Here recently, I took this cunt out to eat. I thought it would be fun. Maybe catch her having a good time, do some cunnilingus, show her the big animal I got down under, all that good stuff. Well guess what? As it turned out, she was the type of woman who would order the whole menu. A real hungry girl. I told her, “If you’re gonna eat like a hippopotamus you better fuck like a Bonobo.”
She said she isn’t into sex like that, but one of her pets are. Well naturally as an animal lover I asked her what kind of pets she has. She said she had a treacherous, purple pelican and a skinny dog that is super into some big time butt fucking. “How do you know your dog is super into big time butt fucking?” She said “When your dog is constantly fucking butts, how do you not know?”
See, she originally got the two pets as a means to ensure she’d always have something to eat. Should some terrible apocalypse happen, her last meal would be the bird and the butt fucker. But lately, the dog had been causing problems.
See, though the pelican had betrayed her with a snake, it seemed that he was mostly back to normal. But during the pelican’s betrayal, her dog became friends with a Bonobo. Makes sense if he likes to butt fuck. Bonobos are the known sexual deviants of the animal world. Regardless, their relationship was causing tribal discord both for the Bonobo and her own.
Of course, me being a premier wildlife biologist, I know better than to involve myself in a turf war between monkeys, two bitches and a pelican.
But you know what she said?
She said her dog was going to try to BUTT FUCK CHIP MONTANA RIGHT OUT OF BECOMING RING KING!!
I said, “Bitch. Show me this dog so I can kick its arse right now.”
But she said I’d have to wait.
So fine. I will. But I’ll be prepared.
With my butthole lubed real nice, I’ll wait for the dog to see me bent over. Doggy style, just the way he likes it. Let him think Chip Montana is a real easy piece of ass. Then, after he approaches and sniffs my butt, and thinks everything is okay? That’s exactly when I beat the ever living dog shit out of that mutt.
See, sometimes, a dog just needs to learn its place. It needs to learn that if it goes trying to stick its dick in everything that bats an eyelash at it, it’s going to sew discord in its own community.
But more importantly, it needs to learn that Chip Montana has two destinies. His first destiny is to never be butt fucked once in his whole life. His second destiny is to become Ring King.
And mate, no butt fucking bitch is gonna stop destiny.