Eminence Front.

Captain Zappa

Blackness, but the roar of a vehicle’s engine and crunch of tires against gravel wakes us up. A slight screech of the brakes indicates that we’ve come to a stop. A door opens – footsteps, somebody whistling – and then the unhinging cannonade of two doors opening up. Feet shuffling – whimpering – and then one thud after another.

It can’t be dead bodies, because the whimpering hasn’t stopped. Our suspicions are washed away by a pair of headlights from a van. At first, in front of the headlights, is a silhouette. In front of it, several silhouettes. The presentation adjusts by moving just enough to reveal everything – Captain Zappa himself, wielding a small video camera that’s focused on at least a half-dozen threadbare followers of Calypso. While they tremble on their knees in front of him with blood and snot dripping from their faces, Zappa hollers like an overzealous preacher into the depths of the forest.

Ladies and Gentlemen, those that kneel before you today – ransacked of their clothing, handcuffed, and on display like sculptures of the Louvre – will be the ones that Jesus H. Christ himself declared as inheritors of the ground you rest your feet upon. Guess what? They don’t like me. Their leader, you know what she did out of random prejudice?”

No one says a damn thing. They’re teeth chatter – either from fear or the cold winds blowing through the trees. Without the herb, Zappa seems to have transformed into a much more aggressive person. He moves to the far right of his “crowd”, then the far left, making sure to capture all of them on video. He leans his ear out toward them, as if to say “anyone?“, before reaching down and grabbing a handful of weeds by his feet. He holds them closely to one of their faces, shaking the handful of vegetation around carelessly enough to where most of it falls to the dirt below.

“She prohibited me from smoking a plant created by the same GOD that blessed her with the key to this globe. Now, I’m nowhere near the smartest card in the deck, but that sounds like hypocrisy at its absolute finest to me. Hypocrisy – and ignorance. These mongrels and their one-way visions, really believed that taking the all-seeing-eye away from me was going to be the difference between their victory or failure.”

Zappa moves away from the handcuffed Calpysonite and starts to laugh towards the stars. The sense of control that Zappa had, and felt, was staggering – nearly to the point in which nothing but this sense of control and power mattered. On the contrary, it was as if the Mothership was closer than ever before. He turns back around toward the crowd, seizing his laughter instantaneously, and holds up his index finger.

“Lesson number oneyou can’t move something that’s bigger than you. Don’t you get it, man? All of you were graced with such high eminence, and you’re nothing but a facade, a front. You’re no martyr – no prodigy on the prowl – and you never will be as long as you maintain your slavery towards constraint. I’ve given you the target to aim at – If I was anymore vulnerable to your blindsiding farce, I’d be nothing but a naked man! And yet, you drop the ball.”

Feigning disappointment, Zappa walks over to the van that carted all of these people in nowhereland, and rests his elbows against the hood – all the while supporting his head with his hands. The aggression seems to go away – like a light switch – as his eyes trailed away for a moment. Even the intensity of his voice slips away.

“I’m nothing but a supposed hippie to all of you – washed-up and wasted, a prisoner of the purple haze – and because of your insinuations, your plan of attack was lackluster.”

Spoke to soon – Zappa lifts his head back up and begins to march back over to his audience. His voice begins to carry the weight of a thousand moons again.

“You had time, you had the numbers, you could’ve had the brains if you simply yielded to the guidance of your higher power – but you didn’t because you didn’t want to. Your constraint is the antagonist to your vision, and will ultimately prove to be the reason why Zappa and his Zeta Mothership family will equalize each and every single one of you Calypsonites.”

Zappa spits on the ground, seemingly disgusted at this point. He shakes his head and places his hands on his hips.

“Taking my weed away, man, it just proved to me how fragile all of you are. The meek are nothing but a glass house, and it only takes one rigged stone to bring the entire structure down. For you to assume that it’s the drugs that bring me to my people, that only confirms how boxed-in your operations are. Trust me, though, I’m only a warning shot and an exercise in realization. The time will come where you step on the toes of monsters, and I hope that after Death Wish, you realize what happens when you push all of your chips to the center of the table without looking at your hand.”

Zappa walks straight through the handcuffed Calypsonites, who essentially part the sea. Zappa pauses when he reaches the center. He looks around for a second and then sits down, indian-legged. He uses hand motions to request that they get closer and they all, of course, oblige. He looks at each of them, smiling, and then let’s a whisper slip through his lips.

“You can peel away as many layers to me as you want – I’m resilient, and I can take it – but let it coarse through your veins that you’ll never reach my core. Ironically enough, it’s not because you lack the ability though. It’s because you lack the desire to take those extra steps. All of you – you’re so used to your prey submitting before the gun is fired that you never thought it through that one day – maybe some day – somebody would stand up and call every single one of you out on your bluff.”

Zappa lets out a relieving sigh, gets to his feet, and dusts himself off. He steps over the Calpysonites, who are clamoring helplessly. Zappa doesn’t even look back this time. Instead, he hops into the driver’s side of the van and shuts the door. He begins to back up, causing the handcuffed to scream and screech for help. As the car slowly rolls backwards, Zappa pokes his head out of the window and yells back at them.

“I guess you just didn’t realize – that somebody would be me.”